Secrets behind the very high achieving of families you know?

[Santatree]

How come some families are so high achieving? Is it money? What way they parent? Private schools?

I know a few very high achieving individuals:

One had a terrible background, is the only successful one out of their siblings and is very driven and disciplined. Very successful multimillion pound business.

One grammar school educated, innovative tech during 1980s/1990s- hardworking but working class parents.

One has 2x teacher parents, state educated, did maths degree, successful city career.

Families: tend to prioritise education, have positive attitude to overcoming obstacles, hard working parents (both educated to a high level themselves or immigrant parents who worked very hard in variety of low paid jobs), high expectations of their children and quite a good level of support for them in various ways. Often combination of genetics, luck, money, drive and resilience passed down. Encouraged professional jobs that are well paid and highly skilled, eg medicine, law, dentistry etc.

It may be a bit of a tangent but what are people thinking of with “high achieving”?
wealth/material attainment?
high levels of education?
excelling in sport/music?
high powered job?
and when you talk about families do you mean the parents or parents and all children?

I agree completely. There are some genuine, factual reasons why people cannot be high achievers, or cannot achieve their goals. I also believe some people are happy not being high achievers- also fine! But people who claim to want a better life but refuse to do anything about it, despite having the opportunities in front of them, are their own worst enemy.

I think people write themselves off too quickly, and assume growing up poor or with an absent parent for example defines their ability to live to their best of their ability. You see 'rags to riches' success stories every day!

What do you mean by that? (Not trying to be inflammatory, just genuinely curious!)

I'm interested that you mentioned families as opposed to individuals. Within my family context, I really haven't done well at all. So I tend to think it's about individual drive - of which I have none. I can't argue that I didn't have a good example set within my family because I absolutely did.

And I had good habits and mindset around me which I could have emulated - but in reality if that was possible, I would've done much better. So having good examples around you doesn't necessarily make a difference.

I hate the term "secrets" because there are no secrets that anyone's keeping from you. Are you a journalist?

I think in terms of are they content, happy, stable, have a home and have achieved their goals in life.

Presumably a very high work ethic when it comes to academics. Very high expectations of their children achieving high academic results. I must say this is true of the Indian families I know.

I actually also think that there are a lot of examples where a lot of money does not lead to children being successful- they become wasters if they have too much money. A lot of money can lead to high achieving kids where the parents also work hard and they prioritise education for their kids.

One of the things that makes it easier for kids to achieve things is if they go to very academic, fee paying schools where all the parents are encouraging their kids to learn and where their peers also have similar background and work ethics. There are no unemployed parents at private schools for example, at least one parent and often both tend to be working hard. Reading, sport and studying are encouraged at home and at school and parental expectations are high.

I think they just grow up with parents or rolemodels like teachers wherd excellence is expected of them.
It's more often that surgeons marry doctors or lawyers and lawyers or similar, kids grow up seeing parents working many hours, competitive and just sitting at home in front of the tele eating rubbish and watching love island just isn't in the lifestyle, much like generations of staying trapped on benefits in council estates. You become what you see.
Of course there will always be the exceptionally lazy son of a self made billionaire and the daughter who grew up in foster care becoming a top barrister but those examples are the oddity. So lead by example, even if its a state school you keep pushing them. Every hour of the day is accounted for starting by yourself. The homelife is run like a military opperation and nobody does whatever they want just because, this instills work ethics. You can learn most things by perseverence, if you commit long enough.

When the bar set by your rolemodel is high it becomes the normal expectation. The rolemodel will also have the tools, the connections, the skills, the lived life experience to help and inspire the child when there is a challenge so of course they will succeed when others fail because their own mum and dad know the right people, know the tips and tricks and can show them that its achievable because they are the living example of reaching it. If you look around you and see no hope, no motivation, nobody knows or cares about your dreams of course its easy to give up.

I like that definition. Not sure it’s what OP meant.

Setting high expectations and goals is the key. Money and support helps, but it isn’t necessary.

I didn’t have many resources as a child, but I did have parents who made it clear that school was important and planning a career, not just a job, was the default.

Most high achievers haven't reached their goals though because it's that search that fuels them to keep on achieving and not just sit back

@hairbearbunches "
"I beg to differ. They might have arrived with nothing, but they had the resources to get out of wherever they came from and the ones who have been successful are generally the equivalent of our middle classes in their own countries. Take Sunak's parents, for example."

Yes. Immigrants by definition have mostly passed the first sift.

It was bluntly put, but I do basically agree. From a teacher’s point of view, Indian pupils and their parents are a dream. The teacher has godlike status and the highest standards are pushed for. In addition, the whole family comes together - there are often multi generations in one house so little to pay in terms of childcare, shared out mortgage etc which means they can save very effectively to then pay their children’s way through university and either them a house outright or give them a good chunk towards one. It’s more of a village to raise a child mentality. There are drawbacks to this, of course (not least that many of the children I taught never had a choice about what their career would be) but it’s a sure fire way to objective success.

Then I wouldn't say they are high achievers if they are continually striving for more and never sitting in their success.

Well of course they are, it's called ambition and explains why they reach 100K salaries yet push themselves to achieve 200K etc. It's why they aren't satisfied to stop at 100K.
High achievers constantly adjust their aims, they don't settle

That sounds hideous and exhausting and symptomatic of all that’s wrong in society. But ok. If that’s your bar.

And burn out and experience high rates of suicide and mental illness... That's not success to me.

Yes but the Q was about high achievers. Not what makes people happy

OPs Q was what makes high achievers, not what makes people happy!

Isn't happiness part of success and achievement then?

Simple. Financial help from family.

You can disagree all you like but there is a massive amount of luck involved.

I've worked my butt off to get to where I am now, and I wouldn't be here if I had been lazy. However, I also wouldn't be here if I hadn't been very lucky.

For example, I had the luck to...

• have be born into a stable family with loving and supportive parents and all of my basic needs fully met;
• have been born in a stable, peaceful country where education was free and easily accessible and in an era when women can achieve whatever they like;
• have been born with a high level of innate intelligence that helped me to succeed academically;
• have enjoyed good health throughout my life;
• have been in the right place at the right time for certain opportunities that have come my way etc.

If you think that luck doesn't have a part to play, you're kidding yourself.

Not necessarily no. Really high achievers often sacrifice personal lives to some extent. Many aren't happy because however successful they look to others, they themselves are never happy with their achievements

Then I wouldn't class them as high achievers, I'd say they were selfish and money hungry.