How much is it possible to do with a broken ankle?

[Dawevi]

DH broke his ankle at the weekend. He's not in a lot of pain but it does ache and obviously he's on crutches. I've never broken a bone so I don't know what's reasonable to expect from him, because he's done nothing but sit on the sofa since and I'm struggling to do everything (we have two kids with additional needs who are at home all the time).

Obviously I have to do all the driving but could he be doing some light housework or cooking? Or is he right to be doing nothing at all? I asked him to write some Christmas cards and he hasn't even done that.

I'm getting really stressed with everything that needs doing for Christmas and the kids, I also have loads of work on and yesterday I had to beg him to play with our youngest so I could actually get it done, I cried in the car on the way to Tesco because I'm so overwhelmed with everything (we have a lot going on, it's not just Christmas stuff. Like DD has a college thing next week that he was going to take her to, because I'm taking DS to something at the same time, and he was just like "oh I can't take her" but didn't look for alternative arrangements or anything, he left it to me to sort out).

I didn't want to put this in AIBU but am I being unreasonable in wanting him to try and do some stuff, especially stuff that can be done sitting down? Like I said I've never broken a bone so I really don't know.

He only did it at the weekend, it does need a little time to heal. I think your being a bit harsh.
Christmas cards are fine though 😆

If he was living alone I bet he would be able to make something to eat.

I think as he only broke it at the weekend you need to cut him some slack. But he could do online shopping, write christmas cards. have you a laptop tray so your dc could sit with him and colour/do a puzzle/something like that? Sympathies OP, hope he’s up and about soon.

Broken ankle is pretty brutal.

I broke mine.

It's very hard to carry anything on crutches so most housework light or otherwise is out. You can't carry anything except in a rucksack and it gets jolted around a lot.

So laundry is out (can't carry), cleaning isn't really doable (try cleaning yourself while balancing on one leg. Not easy).

If you can get a chair in front of the cooker some cooking may be possible but he will for example find it very difficult to get anything out of the freezer and moving a pan to the sink to drain it will be impossible.

We lived on take out for a while and then freezer food as that was what my then H could cook.

He probably should be resting it a lot at this early stage. But he could definitely be writing cards, peeling things or watching the kids.

I love Xmas cards, but haven’t sent any for the last few years as life has been a bit overwhelming. Perhaps drop them?

But it would likely be a quick snack not a full on meal appropriate for kids too?

i take it is in plaster and he’s been seen in fracture clinic? Is he allowed to put weight on it?

It was the weekend so by and large I’d expect the first two weeks to be on sofa with leg elevation getting up around once an hour but no long periods of standing. After two weeks more and more can be done but need to remember that using crutches can be difficult. If he’s in a boot and has been told can weightbear straight away I’d be expecting more to be done.

but he’s a shit for not recognising the family needs and trying to meet those he can. Is he generally this thoughtless or is he just having a moment of selfishness and can be gently reminded of what’s needed ?

I guess it depends on the break.
I’ve broken one badly one slightly.
Bedrest with legs elevated for at least a week.
After 10 days some standing, used a wheeled walker, lots of sitting and scooting about.
By day 14, more active but no stairs even when casted.
Honestly the first week I was very tired.

If he was living alone I bet he would be able to make something to eat.

I couldn’t have done. I was in so much pain, it took me 45 minutes to get dressed - and I could only wear leggings and sports socks! It was too painful to get jeans or tight socks on. It took me half an hour to get over the pain from going to the toilet - so I cut down on drinking so I didn’t have to go so often. I certainly couldn’t have got food at that point, nor could I wash myself. My husband hired a wheelchair for me for 6 weeks. Kitchen worktops and hobs are the wrong height for wheelchairs.

They asked at the hospital, if there was someone to look after me - I got the impression if I hadn’t, they would have kept me in!

I’d say the pain was 10/10 on a par with being in second stage labour for 6 weeks. Imo, OP is being totally unreasonable!

Id give him a couple of weeks before expecting him to do anything meaningfully productive, he's probably in a lot of pain. I think it took me a good 5 weeks before I could confidently weight bear and a further 2-3 weeks before I was pain free.

He needs to rest with it up as much as possible. With crutches he can’t carry a cup of tea or a plate.
he won’t be able to walk much, I broke mine at Easter, and ended up borrowing a mobility scooter, I couldn’t use crutches to get anywhere meaningful.
basically. For the next month he’s not going to be much help.
and it will be longer before it is well healed.

I think you need to be ready for a full ten days to two weeks of bugger all input from him. He won't be able to weight bear, and so can't move about.

Make sure he's got pain relief in easy reach - pain is likely to be a real problem, and failing to manage the pain will mean everything takes longer to recover / for him to manage.

You could look at knee scooters to help him move around the ground floor a bit though.

It may be time for you both to draft in additional support for you all - friends to sit with him and keep him some company, someone to baby sit so you can do other household tasks / have a break / do the food shop and so on.

It is a horrible break

BUT

There is absolutely loads of stuff that could be done sitting down. He can do that.

Play with/cuddle kids
Christmas cards
Order presents
Online food shop
Fold laundry
Text other parents to beg lifts for DC activities, or sort a cab

When I broke my ankle all I could do for about 3 weeks was lie there and breathe through the pain. Was breastfeeding at the time, so no painkillers stronger than paracetamol allowed. I couldn’t carry anything, I could barely stand up on crutches - the blood rushing to my foot would cause blackouts. I was useless, could only lay there with my foot up and ask people to bring me things (including DS for feeding, as I could not pick him up myself.)

People around me (friends and family members) got immensely irritated because I was just lying there doing nothing. Not DH though, he was lovely about it all. My mother and one of my closest friends were both surprisingly unsympathetic.

I would say as long as he is not in pain (and he may well be telling you he isn’t when he actually is, because broken bones are fucking painful) he could stretch to writing Christmas cards. Yabu to expect him to do anything like getting up and cooking. However, he should also be understanding of the extra workload, especially at this time of year, it has placed on you. It would not be beyond him to try and help you make alternative arrangements for jobs he was originally going to do.

Well I had a maisonneuve leg fracture at the start of September which meant I had an operation on my ankle. I couldn't put any weight on it for 5 weeks. And I was absolutely floored physically. I'm still experiencing some pain and can't walk properly although physiotherapy is helping.
So your DH will need a lot of rest I would expect. And leg elevation. And I found using crutches totally exhausting and they make even simple tasks difficult.
So really you shouldn't expect too much from him so soon after the ankle break.

When I broke mine I was actually in bed for the first 2 weeks
actually in bed.
swelling is worse if stood or with foot lower than heart.

I felt pretty wrecked by the pain .

i think you should expect nothing from him at all apart from supervising kids from sofa for the next fortnight.

He probably shouldn’t weight bare, so can’t do dishes or dishwasher or anything like that yet.

he can’t even carry a cup of tea.

a water bottle with a strap would be helpful.

From experience, the leg will be achy and swollen for about a week to 10 days which is why they don't put the proper cast or boot on til it goes down. He will be feeling a bit wretched and standing for long will make the ache worse.

He should be able to write Christmas cards though. And anything sitting down.

Once he's been seen at the fracture clinic and given his cast or boot he will be able to do much more. But if ne needs to be NWB for any length of time (as I was) it will be harder as he'll be reliant on crutches which is very hard.

Cross your fingers he gets a walking boot which will do away mostly with the need for crutches.

I think you need to apologise to your husband for expecting him to play with kids etc 3 days after breaking his ankle. And discuss the scaling back of Christmas plans if they are too overwhelming for you to manage alone .

i think it is understandable for you to think your current plans and commitments are too much for you to do solo, but for the next week etc it would be unreasonable to expect your husband to do anything meaningful to help.

I feel your pain! My DH broke several bones in his hand when DS was small. I had to do everything, including changing my entire shift pattern so I actually had childcare as he couldn't look after DS properly (changing nappies, picking him up or anything at all that required two hands was impossible). Basically, he could only do stuff for DS if I set it up for him, for example, feeding DS once I put him in the high chair and made his food. I still hold some resentment for him for that few weeks, even though it wasn't his fault.

Your DH will have to rest, but anything that doesn't involve being on his feet for long, or carrying stuff in his hands because of the crutches (could always fill a backpack to transport stuff around the house though) should be possible. Help him and cut him some slack, but don't jump to his tune, you've enough to manage right now. Try and enlist some help while he recovers, even someone taking up some of the school pickups or whatever your DH normally does will make a difference. People are happy to help out when others are under pressure for a short time.

My ankle fracture happened in April, and I am still not back to normal, I can’t walk for the distances I used to walk without a gnawing pain at night.

it was 6 weeks before I could load bear, 6 weeks in a boot and 4 months wearing a brace.

my husband and mum had to run the show for the first month, and after that I managed using a mobility scooter.

My mum got a knee scooter thing for getting around much better than crutches. It had a little basket so she could move things from one place to another as you can’t really carry things on crutches. She could make a cuppa in a thermos and load it up with a cup and then scoot to the sofa and decant. Everything does take a long time.

I would say give hubby a break- if he’s normally a good supportive husband - start off by assuming he’s doing his best.

I broke my leg once and had to outsource all the cleaning, but did all the cooking. It was also tough mentally for the first few days so I would definitely give him some slack for a week or so. As others suggested, can you scale back Christmas stuff, is this really so important to get overwhelmed with?

Totally see why you'd feel overwhelmed having suddenly become responsible for absolutely everything! I think previous posters have done a good job of setting out the kinds of things you can expect from him over the next fortnight or so (very little).

However, just because he can't do his stuff doesn't mean it has to fall on you in its entirety. Can you book a couple of one off cleans, take laundry to a laundrette (the one near me is excellent they wash, dry, iron and fold for about £15 a bag!) and order more takeaways/rely on freezer food?

Yes but he doesn't.

This response is like when someone posts "I'm really ill, can't get out of bed, AIBU to expect DH to help with the kids" and someone replies "well if you were single, you wouldn't have help".

In fact, if OP was single she wouldn't have help any help.

Neither of those things are the case (neither OP nor her husband are single) so it's not relevant.

Ok fair enough! Like I said I've never broken a bone and I've seen people in crutches in a cast out and about so wasn't sure.

Sadly there's a whole pattern of him leaving everything to me and only doing a half a job if he does start anything, plus being oblivious to my stress and overwhelm and taking for granted that I will do everything, so that's colouring my judgement.

To be fair, by play with DS I meant a board game at the table not getting on the floor (Ds is 10) or anything other than his default of sticking him on the computer.

He genuinely isn't in pain though, unless he knocks it, he keeps saying how surprised he is that it doesn't hurt. It didn't hurt when he did it either, he thought he had just twisted it. If he was in pain and obviously struggling I would be very sympathetic!

We don't have any family nearby or any help, and I would scale Christmas back but the kids would be gutted not to have grandparents visit and to be honest we don't do a lot anyway, it's just all the presents and food and decorations.

It's just really bad timing!

I can’t help thinking of what many of the replies would be if this were the dh expecting his wife to do more with a newly broken ankle!