How much is it possible to do with a broken ankle?

[Dawevi]

DH broke his ankle at the weekend. He's not in a lot of pain but it does ache and obviously he's on crutches. I've never broken a bone so I don't know what's reasonable to expect from him, because he's done nothing but sit on the sofa since and I'm struggling to do everything (we have two kids with additional needs who are at home all the time).

Obviously I have to do all the driving but could he be doing some light housework or cooking? Or is he right to be doing nothing at all? I asked him to write some Christmas cards and he hasn't even done that.

I'm getting really stressed with everything that needs doing for Christmas and the kids, I also have loads of work on and yesterday I had to beg him to play with our youngest so I could actually get it done, I cried in the car on the way to Tesco because I'm so overwhelmed with everything (we have a lot going on, it's not just Christmas stuff. Like DD has a college thing next week that he was going to take her to, because I'm taking DS to something at the same time, and he was just like "oh I can't take her" but didn't look for alternative arrangements or anything, he left it to me to sort out).

I didn't want to put this in AIBU but am I being unreasonable in wanting him to try and do some stuff, especially stuff that can be done sitting down? Like I said I've never broken a bone so I really don't know.

He needs to sit with his foot elevated,sitting at the table isn't a good idea so early on.

My partner has been recovering from brain surgery and he managed to hang out washing while sitting on a chair? And loading/unloading the dishwasher (ditto).

He would have struggled with Christmas cards.

Your DP can take on the planning and any online activities - managing appointments for the kids, meal plan, online shop, Christmas presents etc.

My DH ruptured his Achilles tendon and was non weight bearing on crutches for weeks. He was absolutely vile with frustration at his loss of independence. It got better as time went on and he adapted but we got something so he could sit in the shower and sort himself out on his own and a 4 wheel office chair style stool and he could scoot around our small kitchen on that and cook. He felt better with a few jobs she could do independently but it was a massive relief once he was allowed to be weight bearing again

The broken leg is clearly a red herring here isn't it?

Sounds like he's a lazy fucker most of the time and is now able to have a proper excuse, reading between the lines of your post

@Pistachiochiochio ‘My partner has been recovering from brain surgery and he managed to hang out washing while sitting on a chair?’

Good for him. 🙄 How is brain surgery like a broken ankle again? I can’t figure that one out. I hung washing out whilst on crutches. I had been told to stay sitting down for weeks, no weight bearing, nothing. I was told the place my break was could be aggravated long term if I put any weight on it at all. But I hung the washing out because someone who should have been more sympathetic and could have been more helpful told me I should be able to do it. I lost balance, fell, and landed heavily on my broken ankle. It set my recovery back by weeks, and is likely the cause of the bone callous that formed and causes me grinding inside the joint now, leading to arthritic changes.

So, unless your husband’s brain surgery means he will do damage to his legs if he stands up, there is probably no similarity at all between his recovery and recovery from a broken ankle. I wish him a good recovery, and hope while he is recovering he is not encouraged to do anything he should not be doing by either his partner or randoms on the internet.

Ridiculous! Do you want him to injure himself further!?

My sister broke her ankle in Sept 2023. I moved in with her for seven weeks. She got herself from bed to toilet to sofa and that was it.

I did all meals, cleaning, pet care, laundry, etc in addition to working. It is very unrealistic to expect someone with that injury to do more than lie still and heal. Amazing that it would even be a question.

I didn't say it was the same? He was sitting down? Not standing up.

My point is that OP's OH should be finding the stuff he can do taking into account the ankle, and make adjustments if needed to the way he would normally do things (eg he could chop vegetables while sitting at the kitchen table.

@Pistachiochiochio my DH had brain surgery and mowed the lawn post op day 3…
The skull is a non weight bearing bone, totally different kettle of fish.

I broke my leg (just above the ankle) a couple of years ago. I assume your DH is non-weight bearing and has to be on crutches all the time? Bear in mind some people you see out and about can put weight through the broken leg, very different from having to hop on crutches. I did what I could mentally load wise but I was very impaired physically. I couldn’t cook, even with a perching stool, because if my leg wasn’t elevated, my toes went blue pretty quickly. I couldn’t even do a microwave meal because I couldn’t carry it from one place to another. I couldn’t carry washing around or even move it from the washing machine to the tumble dryer.
I think it’s reasonable to ask him to do some things that can be done seated such as helping to meal plan, order Christmas gifts etc. He could wrap gifts too. I don’t think you can expect him to do much physically if both hands are taken up with crutches!
Someone I know broke her leg recently and no, she couldn’t manage on her own. She had to have carers in to help with meals and personal care.

I hope he's been seen by a doctor. My sister needed surgery to add a metal plate.

My point is you work out what you can do, and what you can't, and do the stuff you can.

And this was the advice of medical professionals @backinthebox, thanks for your concern

Except he should keep his leg elevated so he shouldn't be doing that.

I broke my foot - not ankle - but I was KNACKERED… and apparently that is common with breaks. Your body tries to go into deep rest to heal it i think.
i wasn’t able to rest (Circumstances are too outing) and I hobbled about not giving in to the urge to actually nap/relax a bit.
It took a lot longer to heal and I had to be referred to a specialist after 4 months as it hadn’t.
90% fine a year on but won’t ever be the same I think
i wish id bought in some help and taken it easier!
can see it’s tricky for you though - and doing stuff sitting down like admin etc feels like a compromise, but if he seems a bit out of it and demotivated it might just be physiological.

Bloody hell, OP, now is not the time to get mad at him. Wait until he's better!
For the first week after I broke my ankle, I was too tired to do anything. Healing broken bones takes all your energy, and the meds can knock you out. He probably doesn't have the concentration to write Christmas cards.
He should be keeping the leg elevated whenever he isn't moving about. It takes time to figure out what you can and can't do, you feel really vulnerable, and if he's non weight bearing it's going to be a while.
Once he's into a walking boot and can put a bit of weight through it, things will get easier.

He is probably exhausted. Breaking a bone is very traumatising for the mind as well as the body as above poster says. I would give him a week at least to recover before asking him to concentrate on anything important.
Playing a board game shouldn't be too taxing though, as long as it's a short one. Not Monopoly!

I've both broken and badly sprained my ankle. The bad sprain was by far the most painful and difficult to manage, plus I was black and blue from toes to knee. I flew home 7 days early from holiday I was so miserable.

The break hardly bruised, pain was manageable and they gave me a walking boot rather than plaster. Could still do most things and it only took a couple of weeks to feel better.

So no, don't let your DH milk it!

If he hasn't broken his ankle, would he be at work and not helping anyway? So it's only aggravating because you can see him sitting down? How much is there to do for Christmas on the 4th December??

@Pistachiochiochio for the first 3 weeks I could just about breathe without crying. My doctors told me to do NOTHING. Just lie there, with leg up. We don’t know exactly what the OP’s husband has been told by medical professionals that he should or shouldn’t be doing. The OP asked for opinions from other people who had had broken ankles what they were able to do 3 days after breaking them, because her husband appears to be doing nothing, and the general consensus of opinion is that that is about right - most people who have broken an ankle are told to rest and elevate it above the level of the heart (which puts you in a position not conducive to cooking, hanging out the laundry, or even playing a board game, unfortunately.)

Your DH’s brain surgery is on the bit of his body about as far away from the ankle as it’s possible to get. He doesn’t walk on his head, his head is above the level of his heart in normal situations so does not need to be elevated to stop the blood rushing to it and causing swelling. He doesn’t need to use both his hands to keep himself upright because he is not able to use all the weight bearing bits of his head. The advice given to your husband as to what he can do after brain surgery is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT to the advice given to people who’ve just broken their ankles. You might as well go on a thread about veruccas and tell them what advice the doctor gave your husband for all the use it would be.

I still haven’t really got over the ignorance of some people who thought I should be up and about doing more when I broke my ankle. Trying to appease them has caused me joint problems which will stay with me for life. It is really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things to accept that someone who has broken an ankle will be out of normal action for a few weeks. Inconvenient, yes. But not worth causing them long term recovery problems for just because you think they ought to be able to hang out fucking washing!

It's just really bad timing!

There is no good time for this sort of thing! I suffered nerve damage, and couldn’t bear the vibrations from being in a car for more than an hour for 3 months. They told me, I’d probably lost proprioception in my foot - in that I don’t know where it is in space and can fall over obstacles like a threshold, where I have to lift my foot up over something. It was 6 months before I could walk without pain.

I'd be hiring or buying a knee scooter like the photo. He then could at least take the kids out for a walk. Initially though, the ankle will still be swollen and uncomfortable. Is it in a cast?

Absurd. There are many types of breaks and fractures. If the OP's husband was told to be non-weight-bearing, her entitlement and lack of empathy are breathtaking.

If it was a simple break and he doesn't need surgery he'll recover more quickly. When I did it a few years ago I was in agony and then waiting for surgery so it was a little more tricky. One of the factors to consider is how is his balance on crutches. Mine was not good and I was quite fearful hobbling about and washing was a massive operation. I'd considered myself quite fit and active until then but I was shocked at how debilitating it all was.
If he's fit and mobile(ish) then I'm sure he can sit down and peel a few potatoes and play a board game but it might be difficult to sit for long stretches as he should probably keep his foot elevated.
I would say you should perhaps give him a bit more time until you expect more as rest and recuperation is definitely necessary. It sounds a bit like he wasn't that helpful before the break so I wouldn't expect miracles after. Perhaps clearly allocate tasks like online grocery shopping/meal planning etc to him. If he hasn't ever done that before well now is a good time to start!

The first two weeks, I was in so much pain, I couldn't even read or watch TV - the pain really disrupted my ability to think. They gave me codeine; but it didn't work for me - apparently, some people don't have the ability to metabolise it in the liver into morphine. All it did was make me sleep - I later found out, it interacted with another CNS depressant I was on.

Depends on where the break is, mine was at the side and back, so I couldn’t use one as the cast then rested on the breaks and was excruciating.

op. I’m assuming he’s non weight bearing, so the truth is very little unless he’s adept with crutches.

No he had booked this week off to do DIY and Christmas jobs! 😭 Plus he works from home anyway so we do tag team stuff as we can both be flexible.