How much is it possible to do with a broken ankle?

[Dawevi]

DH broke his ankle at the weekend. He's not in a lot of pain but it does ache and obviously he's on crutches. I've never broken a bone so I don't know what's reasonable to expect from him, because he's done nothing but sit on the sofa since and I'm struggling to do everything (we have two kids with additional needs who are at home all the time).

Obviously I have to do all the driving but could he be doing some light housework or cooking? Or is he right to be doing nothing at all? I asked him to write some Christmas cards and he hasn't even done that.

I'm getting really stressed with everything that needs doing for Christmas and the kids, I also have loads of work on and yesterday I had to beg him to play with our youngest so I could actually get it done, I cried in the car on the way to Tesco because I'm so overwhelmed with everything (we have a lot going on, it's not just Christmas stuff. Like DD has a college thing next week that he was going to take her to, because I'm taking DS to something at the same time, and he was just like "oh I can't take her" but didn't look for alternative arrangements or anything, he left it to me to sort out).

I didn't want to put this in AIBU but am I being unreasonable in wanting him to try and do some stuff, especially stuff that can be done sitting down? Like I said I've never broken a bone so I really don't know.

The cast is a pain for getting around, but fingers crossed they will move him to a moon boot when he has fracture clinic appointment.

It depends... and his injury is recent so I think you are expecting too much. When I broke my ankle it was horrible, the wrong movement was agony, I felt I could not do much at all. And weirdly I felt so tired. Luckily DH was lovely and did everything but I remember the first 2 weeks were horrible.

He needs to sit with his foot elevated to help reduce any swelling. Give him sitting down jobs to do if you want him grafting.

I broke my ankle as a single parent. I coped. He doesn't feel the need to

Wow.

My sister was admonished by the head surgeon to not bear any weight for eight weeks and only as absolutely necessary after that. The surgeon told me she was picking shards out, and put in a plate and multiple metal pins.

You can buy those large wedges to put under the leg. Invaluable.

Give the man a break! My husband broke his ankle a year ago and could barely move for weeks. He was in tremendous pain and on three kinds of painkillers. He wasn’t able to concentrate much on anything, I had to buy him a big jigsaw as he couldn’t really read or watch tv. Fortunately I knew he wasn’t a malingerer so I was happy to look after him, sounds like you aren’t so lucky.

I broke my ankle a couple of years ago, I was bed bound for at least a month and had to use crutches for ages. I hate them and it's not easy to do anything. Actually it really made me realise how the UK is so not disabled friendly when I ventured out on my crutches!
I was lucky in that my parents were in the house so they brought me food every day and I worked from home in bed.
I guess it depends on the kind of break but in my case I was told can't bear weight for at least 6 weeks and I was in the boot for ages.
I think on this one you might have to bear with him for a bit but watch out for him trying to milk it!

I am so sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed and rightly so. However I have broken my ankle twice and is pretty horrible. If he has just done it he needs at least a week to go through with the exhaustion of a broken bone causes. If I were you I would let him rest, is he taken any painkillers? They can make you tired too. And I would definitely do the bare minimum just to keep the house going? Don't cook and just get easy stuff/take out? I am very sorry because I know how he feels and how you feel and is not easy. One thing I would say is that men have it easier sometimes than us, I was cooking/cleaning/walking the kids to school with a badly broken collarbone. My husband would have been in bed 'dying' in pain and feeling sorry for himself😂. Give him a week and then he can do very light 'hand' stuff❤️

I broke my ankle a few years ago so can maybe help a bit ... mine needed surgery so was cast before hand then boot afterwards. The first couple of weeks I couldn't actually put my leg below horizontal because the blood would rush to it and make it swell against the cast. Do I wouldn't expect him to be doing anything up and about .... Christmas cards are fine though 😂

I broke my ankle a few years ago and you’d be surprised how limiting it is. I’d say housework would be a no no, especially cooking! Remember that if he’s on crutches his hands also won’t be free while he’s on his feet and thats what makes many tasks impossible if they involve standing/mobilising.
Seated tasks such as writing cards should be fine and he should certainly be able to play and engage with the kids.

Well it depends how bad the break is. I limped around on a broken ankle for a week doing everything as normal before I had it checked out and put in plaster. Even then no sitting around. But of course your dh may be in considerably more pain.

I broke my ankle last year and was amazed by how much it exhausted me. I needed lots of naps on the sofa. I think the body puts all its energy in to healing. I had an office chair for moving around kitchen doing jobs. But it hurt terribly when I accidentally whacked it in something

I broke mine 2 days before Xmas 2 years ago...I was told strictly non weight bearing for 6 weeks so I literally could do nothing...although it was a pretty bad break that required 2 surgeries in the end. But you definitely need to cut him some slack, if he's up and about doing too much it will take longer to heal and he would be in more pain.

Recovery is a long process by the way. He may find he is in pain and not as mobile for a year or more, depending how bad the break is. The physio afterwards is very important

It’s hard when you are on crutches you can’t carry anything or move. If it’s not up and elevated it will cause swelling and take longer to heal.
i think in this instance he needs to rest it.

That first day after surgery when you try and stand and the blood rushes down!! Omg that was the worst pain ever 😫 I almost passed out ,was worse than the break itself

Me too … he would be totally foolish to try moving about in the early weeks as it could delay healing, if it has to be non weight bearing it will be weeks before he can walk on it.
I think you’re expecting far too much!

Depending on the type of break, it can be a lengthy recovery — I broke mine at the end of August, needed pins to repair, and was only walking without crutches again in January, after intensive physio. I had a full leg plaster cast for the first period, and was driven mad by the weight and the fact that I had to sleep almost sitting up, and couldn’t turn over. And yes, trying to even make a cup of tea on crutches is an ordeal, because you can’t carry anything that doesn’t go in a backpack. I was living in a bedsit up two flights of stairs at the top of a hill and ended up moving back to my parents’ for a couple of months.

I get that you’re stressed, but you’re just going to have to curtail things. If he can’t find a lift for the child DH was taking somewhere, then that activity just can’t happen for now.

Id say there is a lot he could do to help as previous posters have said folding washing , online food shop, online christmas shop , wrap presents .
He cant drive but he can book a taxi for the college event . Not ideal but screen times your friend - watch tv with the kids or play video games . Colour in etc no one's asking him to play football.
Get a perching stool so he can cook a light meal / make a sandwich. Get a flask so he can make a flask of tea and then pop it in a wee bag to carry to the couch .
Look online at mobility aids theres so much out there that can help make daily living easier .
If you can afford it a cleaner / laundry service and a few take aways will make life easier .
Its only been 4 days so hopefully he will start to adapt a bit and do a few things .

I broke my ankle a few years ago. Dcs were 10/12 and the first 2 weeks were actually harder on dh than on me. He had to change his whole schedule to look after me, the dcs, house , groceries - everything. It was such a hard few weeks until I could weightbare on it.

I can imagine you’re feeling overwhelmed but try to accept it’s happened and do your best. That’s all you can do. It’s just bad luck. and it’ll pass!

Depends on the type of break. Is he up on crutches, in a boot and weight-bearing? Or is he hopping around on one leg?
If he is weight-bearing he can still do quite a lot.
If he can’t put his foot down, he can’t do much unfortunately. His balance is off etc.
He can do seated tasks though! Definitely writing Xmas cards etc!!

Not if he only broke it at the weekend he wouldn't be able to! When I broke mine and lived alone it was takeaways for the first 2 weeks.

He can't be expected to do much physically at this stage but his attitude would really piss me off too OP! He can't just opt out of doing anything at all. He could easily sort out Christmas and food shopping online. I'd be annoyed that he didn't sort out alternative arrangements for your DDs college event and that he couldn't be bothered to write Christmas cards either! But for a wild guess, he's never done it before...?

My advice to you is to dial back what you usually do for Christmas. Don't run yourself into the ground. Crying in the car is not where you want to be!

If he can't help you to do stuff, then stuff doesn't get done. Simple! And when he's back on his feet, you need to look at how much he's actually pulling his weight in the running of your home.

I broke my elbow just before lockdown in 2020. It was a very minor injury, and it still needed 4-6 weeks rest, which, btw, worked. I went very quickly to gasping when I got in and out of the bath, to painless functioning. Your DH's injury sounds much nastier and will need a lot of healing time, including long periods with his ankle elevated. He might be on heavy painkillers too and they might make him drowsy and less than switched on when it comes to making decisions about how to adapt your Christmas arrangements, etc. Christmas cards? We switched to e-cards years ago and find that they are just as welcome. Your DH could, in theory, write physical ones from the sofa, but does he have access to all the addresses? Have you got plenty of stamps? If not, does it become one of those things you might as well have done yourself? Even if he does the job competently, someone able-bodied will have to go out to the postbox, quite possibly in foul weather. . .

The issue of your DH's poor contribution to life admin is certainly one to address, but as a separate problem from his current (and genuine) lack of capacity. Be as supportive and sympathetic as you can for now, but don't duck what might be a difficult conversation about his overall input.