Page 2 | Someone has died that I hated

BunnyLake · 04/12/2024 21:31

A couple of my old school bullies have died and, well I haven’t managed to squeeze out a tear for either of them. 🤷‍♀️

BunnyLake · 04/12/2024 21:35

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 21:12

That's creepy.

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No it’s not. You’ve obviously never been on the other end of a vile person’s bullying. One of my bullies died many years ago at quite a young age and it can still make me smile to myself. In every other aspect of my life I’m a very decent person but my school bullies traumatised me.

BringBackWorshippingCats · 04/12/2024 21:37

Just because someone’s dead doesn’t mean they are a good person

there’s a few people I actually hope I find out have died

Conniebygaslight · 04/12/2024 21:38

My wonderful DD is in the most dreadful & dangerous relationship. I wish every day for his death. I don’t speak of it but I wish it.

Redflowerpurple · 04/12/2024 21:39

I was severely emotionally abused as a child and then occasional physical abuse was added later in my teen years. I vividly remember when I was about 8? Screaming at my mother one day how when she died I was going to smash her grave up and jump on it then dance on it because I’d be so happy and I told her I hoped her baby died as well (she was pregnant with my sister) as she had been saying how much better than me the new baby would be and took my toys away to wash for the baby etc etc. She was so shocked but it was the only time I ever made her think as she left me alone for a few days . I haven’t seen her in years but I know she’s in poor health and I often think how will I feel when she passes? Will I be that angry little girl still and feel relief or will I be devastated because then there’s no chance of her ever being sorry or being the mum I so desperately wanted ?

Sleepysleepycoffeecoffee · 04/12/2024 21:41

CheeseandMarmiteToastie · 04/12/2024 20:26

Maybe hate is a bit strong but they made my life very difficult every day for years so I have mixed feelings. On the one hand such relief but on the other sadness for them (they weren’t old) and their family, and guilt for feeling relief.

Don’t feel guilty over your reaction / feelings to this. You haven’t done anything wrong or unkind. Our feelings are feelings - natural and not something we can change. If anything it confirms their behaviour and treatment of you. You can be objective about the situation being sad in that they were young and have a family, but you absolutely dont have to be sad for them or change your views of them

PetuniaK · 04/12/2024 21:41

I’m looking forward to a close relative dying. She’s 66, so probably quite a long time to go..: Things I can think and never say aloud 😂🙊

She’s a total bitch!!

Original poster

CheeseandMarmiteToastie · 04/12/2024 21:44

@Redflowerpurple I’m so sorry, that sounds awful and way beyond what I’m talking about here. I hope you are ok 💐

OP posts:

NonPlayerCharacter · 04/12/2024 21:45

Well, you feel what you feel, or don't feel what you don't feel. Just stay away from anyone who's grieving and don't make it all about you.

I had a few family members who routinely wished me dead. I've outlived them.

Canestenpeasant · 04/12/2024 21:53

Meh. People die. You hated them. You weren’t responsible. Why on earth would you feel sadness or guilt?

Mydahliasareshit · 04/12/2024 21:53

Dear Cheeseand Marmite.

Here find your official permission slip from loads of humanity, who, like you, have suffered and had their lives impacted by a tosspot.

This document permits the following: singing and dancing to loud music, having a bevvy/posh coffee/ thing of choice to celebrate, and allowing relief and laughter to flood your veins. You may mince around the room throwing v-signs as a natural consequence of this event. And lots of other stuff.

Signed,
All the rest of us.

GoneTooFarAgain · 04/12/2024 21:54

I hope you feel some peace! Bit of a different situation, but someone I hated died and my only emotion was disappointment that I wanted to get one up on him and now I wouldn't have the chance 😂

You feel how you feel, just because someone died doesn't magically make them into a good person and it doesn't erase all the stress they caused you.

Jellykat · 04/12/2024 21:55

I've had 2 significant people that died young, and had made my life hell..
I felt nothing, other then a tinge of regret that that particular story would never conclude with an apology to me.

Funandnames · 04/12/2024 21:55

When I was younger, I had a long term boyfriend (6 years) who had a terrible father. He would verbally abuse him, fat shame his mother, and be very openly racist. But he had money and wielded it to get his way. One day, he suddenly died of pneumonia at just 42 years old! I was babysitting his youngest brother (9 at the time) while they popped to the hospital and their father never came back. It was so shocking and awful.

BUT…

We were all secretly relieved. It’s so awful to say. But he was already starting to verbally abuse the youngest son too. And life really did drastically improve when he was gone. Very sad.

MsAnnFrope · 04/12/2024 22:01

years ago I had someone I worked with bully me and make my life a misery. Not long aftwards they died, quite young and out of the blue. Like you I felt sad for their family but honestly felt the world was a better place without them in it. I still feel relief that I will never have to see or deal with them again.

PermanentTemporary · 04/12/2024 22:01

A death can be a positive thing for the person themselves, or it can be a positive thing for you that you no longer have to carry the weight of your previous experiences with them. I think when someone has hurt you very deeply there is always fear it will happen again. You can put that specific fear down now.

You could try writing a poem? I have lots of (terrible) verses stored away because the writing helped me. Here's a starter:

'If you spoke to me now, I would say -'

fgsistwbotp · 04/12/2024 22:02

It's fine to feel that way. There is no need to feel any kind of guilt.

My ex's mother is the most vile woman I have ever met. She was horrendous to me for the 5 years I was with him. I've never experienced anything like it.
She abused him when he was a kid including doing things like putting his hand in an ironing press machine and burning it, throwing a kettle of boiling water over him and other kinds of emotional and verbal abuse. He is completely and utterly fucked up.
He treated me really badly (cycle of abuse) and I am glad I am no longer with him and I can't stand him BUT when that fucking bitch dies I will be glad for him that he finally has the chance to have a life without her abuse.

Apparently she's ill too. When she goes I will be glad. I won't dance on her grave but I might drink a bottle of champagne which she and her daughter did when the Brexit vote happened because they wrongly thought I would be kicked out of the EU country we all live in.

StormingNorman · 04/12/2024 22:04

CheeseandMarmiteToastie · 04/12/2024 20:26

Maybe hate is a bit strong but they made my life very difficult every day for years so I have mixed feelings. On the one hand such relief but on the other sadness for them (they weren’t old) and their family, and guilt for feeling relief.

There are some people who’ve made my life hell who I’ll be more than relieved to see go. The sooner the better too.

Danghormones · 04/12/2024 22:05

My abuser died and I have no shame in saying it was one of the best days of my life

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 04/12/2024 22:05

You feel what you feel. You didn't cause the death and you're not gloating and you're sorry for the person's family. You don't have anything to be guilty about.

pandapoop · 04/12/2024 22:08

BunnyLake · 04/12/2024 21:35

No it’s not. You’ve obviously never been on the other end of a vile person’s bullying. One of my bullies died many years ago at quite a young age and it can still make me smile to myself. In every other aspect of my life I’m a very decent person but my school bullies traumatised me.

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There was a thread on here a few years back asking what became of peoples old school bullies....and a disproportionately high number had died young. I suspect that they themselves had a very difficult homelife or undiagnosed MH issues - and they acted out and many became addicts. This is in no way excusing their behaviour but I thought it an interesting and surprising observation on the thread.

Original poster

CheeseandMarmiteToastie · 04/12/2024 22:08

@fgsistwbotp Im sorry that is awful, I hope you can put it behind you at some point. It never ceases to amaze me how truly shit life can be 💐😔

OP posts:

Pipsquiggle · 04/12/2024 22:09

You feel what you feel.
Sounds like they weren't very nice and never acknowledged their impact on you.
I am assuming you are not gloating to family / friends and keeping your feelings of relief to yourself (and this anonymous board)

Jennyoi · 04/12/2024 22:10

This is what I find scary about society at the moment. None of you have no context, no subject matter, it's just all outrage based on feelings. You're piling on about nothing.

I'm sorry someone you didn't like died and they were apparently someone you didn't like. It's a public forum for opinions.

All the best op.

Mochudubh · 04/12/2024 22:12

When I was in primary school I had a truly horrible teacher, back in the days when the belt was allowed, and used, who would scream and shout, rap children over the knuckles and throw the wooden blackboard rubber at the head of any child she thought wasn't paying attention. A really nasty piece of work even by the standards of the day.

She died just into retirement when I was about 14/15 and a few of us who'd been in her primary class were essentially rounded up and marched to the church for the funeral, to "show respect".

I remember looking at her coffin and thinking, "I really hope you're in there, you old bitch".

I feel no different to this day.