Would you take a much higher (almost double) salary for much higher stress?

[Dandelion2476]

I realise I’m very fortunate to have this choice but I can’t decide between two jobs.

My current job is fine. Incredibly flexible, work 100% from home, they don’t expect me to be at my desk all day. In the past I suffered severe burn out working 80 hour weeks and was very depressed as a result. After 15 years and a complete break down I took three months off and found a new job (this one) just over three years ago and it was the reset I needed. I’m paid £65k/year. My mental health has been fine since. It’s mostly interesting and I like the company. I have two primary school age children (yr 5&6) and share school pick up and drop off. I’m 49 now.

I’ve been headhunted for and offered a role that is £110k/year. It would be a lot closer to my old role in terms of stress. I’d have a four hour round trip commute twice a week into London (we live very rurally now). Then three days a week from home. I occasionally miss the buzz of my old role. I don’t know if it would be the same in terms of pressure but it’s the same role for a similar company.

Money wise we have a huge mortgage so it would help pay that off quicker, and our home is a bit of a dilapidated wreck that we brought to renovate but haven’t the funds to (we save and are doing it bit by bit). We aren’t stretched so much we can’t enjoy the odd meal out and an overseas holiday each year but don’t have lots of surplus thanks to the mortgage and ongoing renovation. No debt other than the mortgage.

My husband also works full time, on the same salary as I’m on currently, only a 15 minute commute with lots of flexibility too.

I’m really torn and don’t know how to make a decision.

Is your current job relatively secure? Any prospects for progression?

Depends if you want to have another breakdown, I suppose. I’d go with no.

if I already earned a good salary and was able to comfortably pay the bills (even without luxuries) and future plan, there’s no way I’d give that up just for a large pay packet, and you’d be paying higher tax on that anyway. There’s much more important things in life.

I’m trying to work out how I can take a lower paid job and still pay the bills for the exact same reason, my job is slowly killing me but at the moment I’m out of options!

Not a chance I'd be willing to do that commute. But that's just my preference.

How easy would it be for you to go back to a similar job as your current one...I'd imagine not that hard. Maybe do this one with the mindset of doing it for 2 years and then return to lower stress.

Some questions for you to ponder on:

Do you feel you would be able to spot the signs of burnout earlier so that it wouldnt escalate to that again?

Do you feel your are equipped to avoid another burnout?
What effect would the increase in stress have on the rest of your family?...Are you OK with that? Can you mitigate/manage any of that?

No way. Not with kids that age and that commute.

I would take the better paid job in a heartbeat. Do you definitely know it's going to be more stressful? In my personal opinion and experience, more responsible leadership roles tend to be a lot less stressful than lower level ones.

Living in this country isn't going to get any cheaper and you have children who are going to become very expensive in the next few years.

Can you do the new role part time to offset the extra commuting time and maintain some semblance of balance in your life? You’d still be earning more than you are now.

That being said - I think there’s a lot to be said for knowing when you have enough in your life. Enough money, enough time, enough happiness.

You'd pay a lot more tax over £100k. Is the difference worth it?

I might gird myself up and take it on for a year, work my nuts off and stash the benefits?? But a time limited thing....

You can’t put a price on your mental health and peace of mind. This will sound like an unsubtle attempt at a stealth boast but whatever: I earn more than £110k but my role is relatively stress free. I WFH when I want and although I manage a team it is very easy going (they are fairly senior and do not require much hands on management).

I wouldn’t do this role if I knew it would cause stress because the money would not compensate for the toll it would take on my health. I remember a horribly demanding job that came with anxiety, stomach pains every Sunday evening as I dreaded the week ahead and sleepless nights. I know I couldn’t go back to that for any salary.

I have no idea if this new role you are considering would be the same but would only suggest that you take a holistic view of the whole impact on your day to day and don’t just focus on the £££.

I would do it because the double salary even for a year or two would allow you to save etc

I think decisions like this need to be made with a long term focus and not just finances. You're nearly out of primary, will you have a school run when they're secondary? Have you factored loss of child benefit and commuting costs and compared the amount?

What's your long term career goal? Does this help it?

I would suggest working out the difference in take home pay. I assume you’d put at least 10k into your pension to avoid the loss of personal allowance over 100k? If so /

£65k / annum (assuming no pension contribution) is £4,021/ month

£110k/annum (assuming 10k into a pension) is £5,713 / month.

how much would the travel cost?

Not a fucking chance.

But I'd happily take your current job if you leave it. Sounds perfect.

Agree, work out take home pay. Unfortunately anything in the £100-130k range is quite bad “value” as so many tax allowances etc get taken away at that level.

You can never get back time.

It would be a no from me (to the higher paid / more stressful job).

No i wouldn't. You'll lose tax free childcare and child benefit most likely (depending on pension contributions).

What is the actual take home differwnce per month?

And we wonder why there are so few women in senior roles (not you OP, just the advice). I’d take it in a heartbeat if it would stretch my brain and give me satisfaction. I’d make everything else work.

In your shoes, I would prioritize my health. So keep the existing job.

I would take the higher salary. I'd also try to negotiate the office days being consecutive and see if they'd pay for or contribute to a one night stay in London per week. Then you could travel in, work late, do an early start and leave promptly to get home.

I wouldn’t because the potential to have another breakdown is always there in my experience.

Your current job sounds ideal. Mental health is more important

Double the salary pre or post tax? Because the increase in take home pay from 55k to 110k is not double the take home.

I have a very low stress role and wouldn't trade it for anything less than double the pay and low stress at this point in my life. Or any point for that matter. Quality of life is important.

I’ve been pondering a similar decision recently, but without the previous breakdown or the commmute (that commute would be brutal) I decided not to, as I'm
already exhausted and don’t want to risk it becoming too much. My kids are teens, it would be even harder with young ones.

Oops, read it wrong, I thought your kids were age 5 and 6, not years 5 and 6.

Hmm...still not sure I could do a 4 hour commute twice a week.