Would you take a much higher (almost double) salary for much higher stress?

[Dandelion2476]

I realise I’m very fortunate to have this choice but I can’t decide between two jobs.

My current job is fine. Incredibly flexible, work 100% from home, they don’t expect me to be at my desk all day. In the past I suffered severe burn out working 80 hour weeks and was very depressed as a result. After 15 years and a complete break down I took three months off and found a new job (this one) just over three years ago and it was the reset I needed. I’m paid £65k/year. My mental health has been fine since. It’s mostly interesting and I like the company. I have two primary school age children (yr 5&6) and share school pick up and drop off. I’m 49 now.

I’ve been headhunted for and offered a role that is £110k/year. It would be a lot closer to my old role in terms of stress. I’d have a four hour round trip commute twice a week into London (we live very rurally now). Then three days a week from home. I occasionally miss the buzz of my old role. I don’t know if it would be the same in terms of pressure but it’s the same role for a similar company.

Money wise we have a huge mortgage so it would help pay that off quicker, and our home is a bit of a dilapidated wreck that we brought to renovate but haven’t the funds to (we save and are doing it bit by bit). We aren’t stretched so much we can’t enjoy the odd meal out and an overseas holiday each year but don’t have lots of surplus thanks to the mortgage and ongoing renovation. No debt other than the mortgage.

My husband also works full time, on the same salary as I’m on currently, only a 15 minute commute with lots of flexibility too.

I’m really torn and don’t know how to make a decision.

I wouldn't and I've been offered similar roles too.

With my current job I travel into London once a month, I also have two primary aged children, but that once a month, 6 hour round trip, is so shattering and I suffer from mum guilt even just that day.

I definitely couldn't do it once a week nevermind twice a week.

The one London trip a month I have, I feel like I lose a day of work and then I'm shattered the next day, throws off the weeks to be honest. I think I'd be chasing my tail if that was happening on a weekly basis.

It's great you're looking to progress but perhaps a smaller jump maybe, in terms of money/stress/commute.

Either way, good luck!

Buying time with more money also means taking the higher paying job to get mortgage free earlier and retire earlier.

Buying time does not necessarily mean taking the lower paying job that gets you by. That is more short sighted thinking without considering the bigger picture.

The only way I would take it would be if I employed a nanny, a cleaner, gardener and dog walker (which of course you could on that higher salary).
I was potentially in a similar position but found out I didn’t get the job today😂

No I wouldn't. Your children are still young and dependent and it's likely that you may suffer with illhealth again.

The thing is 110k is that tricky area where you lose your tax free allowance and you pay the higher tax bracket so you might not feel that much more flush. Also an office based higher stress job means you’ll have extra expenses like travel and lunches, you’ll probably buy more convenience foods, etc, and you’ll want to splurge to cheer yourself up more because you work so hard.

If you feel excited about the job though, lit up at the thought of the work and the work environment, you should go for it. It is not just about money/stress.

Oh, bad luck, @Phonicshaskilledmeoff. Better luck next time!

You seem to have learnt very little from your last role. Why?
Not every well and job has loads of stress, see pp who manages a team that requires very little management.

In your situation, no. The only time I would do this is if I was on minimum wage or similar, in a job I could easily go back to if the higher paid job didn't work out. Or, I really hated my job/was ready for a change and wanted to leave anyway.

No, you’ve had a breakdown in the past and you’re doing ok financially. It’s not worth it.

What do you do if you don't mind me asking? This sounds like the dream. I always assumed more senior meant more stress.

How do you know it is going to be the same burnout? Maybe longer hours but stress level will seem manageable especially as you now know what works for you? Companies and roles do tend to evolve and to allow more flexibility these days. Plus you said you miss the buzz of your old job. Your kids are not that small anymore and you are still at the top of your career and not near retirement , I would go for it if I was excited about the new role but will do my best to learn the lessons and manage stress better

My concern would be that if the new job didn't work out, how easy would it be to find another job with the flexibility that you have now?

It would be a no from me on the commute alone. It is tempting for the extra money but £110k is such a no man's land on salary, you'll be constantly trying to keep it under £100k. If you're happy and not stressed, I would stay where you are.

I would consider other things before taking the role.

For example.

If it's 2 days in London are they consecutive? Could you travel in one day, stay in hotel and travel home the next. 4 hours less commute.

Would taking this role and adding in any childcare, hotels, travel expenses etc still leave you with a huge gain in finances?

How long would you plan on doing this? Would you easily be able to switch back to a role locally that WFH and pays what you're currently on in the future should you desire - whether that be 3,5,10 years from now? The offset currently is only worth it if in future you can return to back to current status quo.

Also if you can take this, overpay mortgage and then go back to current salary how much cheaper would mortgage be ? (I know with interest rates that a little hypothetical but if the difference isn't huge you'd need to figure out changes in lifestyles)

Right now I wouldn't jump to changing. But with the right package and other changes that would help prevent burn out I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand.

No

Would you be responsible for your commuting costs? I have a slightly longer commute into London than that, but the travel would eat into a large chunk of the £1600.

The commute is very tiring, I love the buzz of London too but the travel does take it out of me. I stay in London overnight most weeks to avoid some of the commute. My children are older so that might not be viable for you.

A hard no.

My circumstances (salary, flexibility and level of stress) are similar to your current set-up. Same with very supporting DH and ongoing renovations etc. For £1600 a month I wouldn't take on a high-stress job where I'm away from home more, with potential for burn-out and more pressure on DH to pick up the slack. The extra money would easily be swallowed up by paying people to come in and do the house stuff that we would do ourselves - eg I've just decorated a room myself (over the course of weekends and evenings) which would have cost us at least a the monthly increase in salary to get someone in, so no net gain (if you get what I mean). Without sidetracking into the taxation system, it's the nature of this salary band that the increases on paper don't translate into as much in your pocket as you'd think.

Personally, I value the flexibility to attend the kids' school events and be at home with them in the evenings. We're "comfortable enough" and have a work life balance that works for us - I guess the question for you is where you see the balance for your family. Good luck with your deliberating!

After tax at 110 it really isn't that much higher take home.pay. and your commute cost will be astronomical, and will keep rising way outside of inflation. It's an absolute no from me, good mental health is crucial, hold on to it for dear life. Love and best wishes to you.

Stay at your current job

Not while the kids are so small, also the level of tiredness between being in your 40s and 50s is unknowable. How long are you thinking you'll be fit for a job like that? Companies pay high because their demands of you are high.

My husband and I are paid very similarly to you and your DH . I don't think I would with kids that age, especially given your previous burn out. That commute is brutal (wil you have to pay train costs in london twice a week? That can be really high) it will presumably but a lot more on your husband in terms of bringing kids to school, making dinner etc. Which might be OK, but not of you are also always busy...

I get it would be hard to say no though. But I also agree about the extra maybe not being as much as it seems once you lose eg access to tax free childcare.

I wouldn't

Nope, a 4 hour round trip isn't for me. I might have considered it pre-kids, but I need to reserve all the energy I can because they drain enough from me. I love the buzz of working in London but that's why I chose to live here with a 20 min walk to work, and I'm able to be very involved with the dc's school life which I really value.

I'd look carefully at the impact of the higher salary, especially tax thresholds and childcare entitlements. It may not work out to be that much higher overall as you expect, or at least not worth it for the extra stress and time.

Marginal tax rates is 62% between £100,000 and £125,140
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/money/tax/income/why-100001-worst-salary-earn/