Would you take a much higher (almost double) salary for much higher stress?

[Dandelion2476]

I realise I’m very fortunate to have this choice but I can’t decide between two jobs.

My current job is fine. Incredibly flexible, work 100% from home, they don’t expect me to be at my desk all day. In the past I suffered severe burn out working 80 hour weeks and was very depressed as a result. After 15 years and a complete break down I took three months off and found a new job (this one) just over three years ago and it was the reset I needed. I’m paid £65k/year. My mental health has been fine since. It’s mostly interesting and I like the company. I have two primary school age children (yr 5&6) and share school pick up and drop off. I’m 49 now.

I’ve been headhunted for and offered a role that is £110k/year. It would be a lot closer to my old role in terms of stress. I’d have a four hour round trip commute twice a week into London (we live very rurally now). Then three days a week from home. I occasionally miss the buzz of my old role. I don’t know if it would be the same in terms of pressure but it’s the same role for a similar company.

Money wise we have a huge mortgage so it would help pay that off quicker, and our home is a bit of a dilapidated wreck that we brought to renovate but haven’t the funds to (we save and are doing it bit by bit). We aren’t stretched so much we can’t enjoy the odd meal out and an overseas holiday each year but don’t have lots of surplus thanks to the mortgage and ongoing renovation. No debt other than the mortgage.

My husband also works full time, on the same salary as I’m on currently, only a 15 minute commute with lots of flexibility too.

I’m really torn and don’t know how to make a decision.

Totally understand why you're torn. You're in a pretty nice setup at the moment.

As you're nowhere near the breadline, I think the biggest question is going to be what the implications are for your future.

• Does it accelerate your career prospects? Most higher-paying roles do, but some jobs are pay for pain.
• How long is the high-stress period likely to last? The first few months sound guaranteed to be tough, but will you ease into it and/or be able to restructure a few bits? Where are the previous incumbents now?
• Will being able to afford the work on your house bring big benefits to your family?
• What will you have to pay extra for, long term? Childcare, after-school, babysitter twice a week? How does that look to you?
• How's DH going to feel when you're far less present at home; is he ready to pick up some slack or will he go all Offended Provider?

I don't see two days on site as likely to cause issues, even with a long commute. If you squash them together, you could stay over one night a week.

Your working more intensively from home is more of a potential sticking point, especially if your family/husband/neighbours/tradesmen tend to treat you as 'at home' currently. Need to think on what should change and how feasible that will be in your particular household.

I did find the majority of replies slightly depressing!

No, especially not if this is a gross increase - you'll lose a lot of that extra money in tax.

Absolutely fucking not.

Nope. The take home pay at the end isn't worth the stress and commute. It would have to be around 140-150k for it to be viable.

It'll take her from somewhere around 4k a month to around 6k (not accounting for children, DH earnings or pension. Putting more into her pension will reduce tax.)

Surprised so many say they can cheerfully ignore £2,000 a month, a 50% increase in take-home 🤔

No chance would I do that commute. I’ve got a commute of 3 hours each way today (so I appreciate it is 2 hours more than your) but I have to do it roughly once a quarter and honestly it is a horrendous day. It’s far too long, means I don’t see DC at all, and quite frankly isn’t healthy to do on a frequent basis

No. Been there, done that. I want (and can afford) an easier life now.

If you do take it, can I have your current job please?

In all seriousness, I don’t think I would take it in your shoes. You know that you are susceptible to burn out. I would stick and look for opportunities for more excitement without the added stress.

I would, it would take my salary to almost 400k and my mental health is roughly okay. If I could stick out 2 years it would be a game changer.

However…
in your circs you have had a nervous breakdown, so I would be VERY hesitant.
ignoring the role itself which will be stressful, that commute is a killer

If you are dead set on taking it I would negotiate the in office days down to 1 and/or flexible commute times ie you can leave at 8/9 work on the train and get in a 10/10 and you can leave at 4 and work on the train

I personally wouldn't as I'm someone that really struggles if I don't enjoy my job. I have been in that position before and it meant I didn't really relax on 2 week holidays l, let alone weekends!

Some people thrive on stress though (and not all stressful jobs are horrible for those that have them). My current job has stressful patches but I really enjoy it. Even though I think about it in evenings and weekends, it's not in a stressful way, it's because I'm passionate about what the company does

Stress comes in different forms as well. I couldn't cope with a job where I was responsible for life/death or with a sales target each month but I do thrive on stress in other ways.

If there was no chance of progressing in your current role then I would be tempted to consider it further, or see what else is out there. But you would want to make sure you use extra money wisely and find a balance that still works for you.

Ps I appreciate the above is very much a fence-sitting stance! I have previously turned down more money and I'm glad I did. But I remember really struggling with my decision.

A lot of food for thoughts thank you.

The take home difference is roughly £1,600 so not insignificant (if my pension calculations are correct).

Historically I thrived on stress until I didn’t, but a lot of that was focused around one person being the cause. I don’t know the new role would be stressful but it would be more stressful as my current one is incredibly laid back.

DH is a superstar of support, he did almost all childcare and housework when I was doing my 80-hour weeks and when I was breaking down. We share equally but are both able and willing to take on the lions share when needed. I used to travel a lot and be away for days and he managed cope with two under two and a full time job.

I do like my current job. They are kind and it’s interesting but there is no chance to progress.

I did while the kids are very young and our costs are sky high. I regret it half the time. The difference in my take home pay isn't huge after commuting costs and I'm with a company who are definitely in the own you mode. I miss my old life and lovely colleagues.

Once our immediate financial pressures are over, I'll start looking for something in the middle in terms of responsibility and location. In your shoes, I just wouldn't do it.

Most people would think £65k a good salary with no need for the extra £2k - but I'm forgetting this is Mumsnet where anything less than six figures is scraping by on the breadline 😁

Absolutely this

There is absolutely no way I would take the higher paid job in your position.

You have learned the hard way how important mental health and wellbeing is. Your work life balance as you describe it now sound great. You will make your life, your partner's life and your children's lives more difficult and less nice - in order to renovate your house quicker which will probably just add to your stress levels while you are snowed under.

It's a no from me.

1.6k each month is not to be sniffed at.

I would look at what that would add to your life?

You have said your previous role was stressful especially due to one individual so no need to assume that will be the case here

I also wonder if the ages of your children back then contributed? It’s a hard, long slog when they are toddlers and you are working F/T

If you go end your current employment on extremely good terms so that they might have you back if it all goes wrong

good luck!

If you are doing for the money, work out how much the commute / any additional costs such as childcare / take out / cleaner / dry cleaning will be.

If you are doing for your career, disregard that.

Studies show that after you pass a certain income- which pays for your basic necessities and a few perks, happiness levels increase with the amount of free time you have, and not by your wage packet.

More time makes people happier, not more money.

That's why - back when I had spare money - I used mine to buy time. It was great! No housework, laundry or cooking when I didn't want to. No waiting for public transport, no need to shop around for stuff, no evenings or weekends spent doing home improvements. Not only did it buy me choice and freedom, the people I hired did better work than I would've done 🤗

Yes. I'd do it for a year. Then see how I felt.

Do the net using salary calculator I make it £2k a month, so £100 per day roughly. Deduct your train fare and commuting time.
Some would say it's worth it only you can answer the question.
I wouldn't for all the tea in China

I find it depressing that people would make their life worse for money when their finances are already fine.

We are all entitled to our opinion.

I’d do it, especially if you could go back to a similar role if it didn’t work out.

DH sounds like he’d have the flexibility to do the school runs.

I wouldn't now. Been there. Done that. Got the scorch marks from the burnout.

It was a lesson I had to learn the hard way though.