Would you take a much higher (almost double) salary for much higher stress?

[Dandelion2476]

I realise I’m very fortunate to have this choice but I can’t decide between two jobs.

My current job is fine. Incredibly flexible, work 100% from home, they don’t expect me to be at my desk all day. In the past I suffered severe burn out working 80 hour weeks and was very depressed as a result. After 15 years and a complete break down I took three months off and found a new job (this one) just over three years ago and it was the reset I needed. I’m paid £65k/year. My mental health has been fine since. It’s mostly interesting and I like the company. I have two primary school age children (yr 5&6) and share school pick up and drop off. I’m 49 now.

I’ve been headhunted for and offered a role that is £110k/year. It would be a lot closer to my old role in terms of stress. I’d have a four hour round trip commute twice a week into London (we live very rurally now). Then three days a week from home. I occasionally miss the buzz of my old role. I don’t know if it would be the same in terms of pressure but it’s the same role for a similar company.

Money wise we have a huge mortgage so it would help pay that off quicker, and our home is a bit of a dilapidated wreck that we brought to renovate but haven’t the funds to (we save and are doing it bit by bit). We aren’t stretched so much we can’t enjoy the odd meal out and an overseas holiday each year but don’t have lots of surplus thanks to the mortgage and ongoing renovation. No debt other than the mortgage.

My husband also works full time, on the same salary as I’m on currently, only a 15 minute commute with lots of flexibility too.

I’m really torn and don’t know how to make a decision.

I wouldn't do it OP. I might give a different response if you hadn't had a previous stress related breakdown, but with that and a hideous commute, I don't think it's the right role for you.

However maybe what it has shown is that you're ready for a change and could dip your toe into the job market and see if there is anything a bit more challenging than your current role, but not as demanding and closer than the other one.

Or just sit tight and enjoy your £65k role for now.

Go back to the head hunt company and say yes but ask for more than £126k as the tax rate will hit you worse below that but above 100k.
Then if they say yes, go for it.

Could I have details of your current job if you do leave please?

Exactly this - apply for it then negotiate the shit out of it. The initial salary quoted does NOT match the final salary! Negotiate your wage up, negotiate travel time/payment, negotiate 'if I do two days consecutive will you pay or contribute to a hotel'.

Then decide if it's worth it to you. And actively manage the stress - it's not a given another big job will lead to burn out. Now you know things about yourself and about other people. It's not an identical situation.

Nope

Not personally

I want to enjoy my kids

This

And ask for more ££

Much higher stress contributes to higher risk of dementia... I don't think the fiat currency salary increase worth it...

Only you can decide if the extra money is worth the extra stress and travelling.
For me, you can't put a price on flexibility, a job you enjoy and being there for the kids.

As a person that burned out twice in a career that is less than 10 years old, it would be a no from me.

Yes, extra money is great to throw at extra crap (inevitably you will start spending more on the stuff you don't actually need, but want) or pay off mortgage quicker, smother kids in gifts cause you are guilty for not being for that recital, parent meeting, etc. [insert whatever you need the time for], but it will come at irrecoverable costs:

• If you need to take of months to recover from stress, it will be some loss of earnings.
• If you are under stress all the time, you will suffer not only mentally, it gradually will affect your physical state too.
• If you are so stressed, tired and possibly ''self-medicating'' in the evening, you will further damage your health.
• If you are too tired all the time you will lose the time with your loved ones (example, so exhausted you want to sleep in on weekends while your family is doing XYZ - like going to park or have ice-creams).
• I can go on...

I would suggest taking a sheet of paper and splitting it in two. On the left write all the benefits your job gives you and I do not the higher salary, but actually what it gives you in exact terms (example, £1000 per month extra mortgage payments = will pay off mortgage 5-10-15 years quicker; £300 per month will go towards DD/DS horse riding lesson - she/he loves it so much it brings me joy, £200 I will put in savings = secure future, etc.). On the right side you put all the negatives and be honest (this job makes me work/worry/stress 80 hours per week = I can't sleep, I have no time for kids recitals or too tired to go to park = I do not have time be with my family as much as I could before; I have to travel to London = costs me extra time on top of my hours, petrol, hotel - is there a point? - yes, I see people = is it good?; oh, did I forget taxes? etc.)

Look at all pros and cons and decide what really matters for YOU and important for YOU at this time and in the very near future.

🤐