Why do some people always seem to land on their feet…?

[Farmhouse1234]

Been pondering this lately, as I’ve a few friends who this seems to apply to.
Whilst I’m sure there’s an element of luck involved, do you think there are other factors? For the people I know I think it maybe also be linked to - confidence, an expectation that things will generally go in one’s favour, and being a generally positive person (or perhaps that’s a circular argument!).

Except for some people, money actually does "fall from the sky" without them needing to earn it.

They are given house deposits, they inherit sizeable sums, they are given jobs through family connections, their student loan is paid off, they are funded and supported in various ways through having a family with established status/wealth.

For example, the amount of money that a gifted house deposit saves someone is far greater than the amount of the gift in pounds. It saves them the rent that they would have needed to pay in the years spent saving that deposit. It saves them the property price inflation that would have occurred in the years spent saving the deposit, as their purchase is cheaper.

Life isn't fair, we all know that - I'd rather openly acknowledge and talk about it than pretend that we are all playing on the same level playing field.

The truth is life is not fair, we do not live life on an even playing field. But we all have to make the best of what we are given.

They are well socially connected and so are likely to know someone who can help them out with whatever they are facing.

My ex sister-in-law was one of those people who would fall into a barrel of shit and come up smelling of roses. Didn't matter what life threw at her,she'd always find a way of getting off the hook. Usually by blaming someone else.

That's not what I was intending to say.

But two people can start in very different positions, both work hard to the same degree, both have a positive attitude, but there will still end up being a difference between them. Someone's starting point is 100% down to luck (whether good, bad or a mixture), and it has a huge impact.

This is very true.

I see the resilience point in reverse.

I know a family where one of the adult children is see. As very resilient, independent and no other to the parents at all. If anything goes wrong in the adult child’s life, the parents rely on the child sorting out everything and the perception is that everything has fallen into place almost effortlessly.

Whereas another of their adult children is seen as someone who is less resilient, needs all hands on deck, and is also very much the golden child. If anything goes wrong in that adult child’s life, all efforts are made by the parents to get everything back on an even keel and make everything perfect again.

From the outside, everything would look different to how it really is.

Some people have no choice about the way their future was defined by past experiences and catastrophes. Their lives are irrevocably changed, and not in a good way. There is only so much that can be achieved by positive thinking in spite of adverse circumstances. Those circumstances cannot be changed. The point I was making is that it is much easier for some people to overcome personal disaster, because they are lucky enough to have a safety net that other people don't have.

In terms of hideous childhoods, the research shows that even if if a child has a terrible childhood, if they have one adult in their life who cares about them and looks out for them, they are more likely to have a better life as an adult. That can be a teacher or another relative.

Thank goodness for my grandparents.

I think they were just putting it politely. We all know yours is the proper version.

I think that good and bad things happen to everyone but some people deal with the bad stuff better. Or don’t mention them as much. So from the outside they appear to be “lucky”.

People have often said this about me.

The reality is that if something goes wrong, I pretty much immediately dust myself off and get back on the horse. I've fallen very hard quite a few times but don't generally discuss any of it in detail with anyone other than a couple of close friends. I also seek out opportunities and just ask. For example, if I liked a shop and wanted to work there I wouldn't wait for a job to be advertised, I'd just go in and ask.

People think I'm incredibly lucky but the reality is that I've had some complete and utter disasters and I work very hard to make things happen. I also don't cling on to things that aren't working for me. I think it makes me look like I drift from one great thing to another.

I think it's both.

Definitely resilience/positive attitude etc can make a difference.

But there is also an element of luck, that many successful people don't like to acknowledge.

(And i.say that as someone who has overcome a lot but can also see all the strokes of good fortune that helped me succeed)

Exactly this. People can be very coy about how much they have been helped. Far nicer for their egos to pretend it's all their own efforts.

I have always assumed that these people were cats in a former life.

Unlike those peope who relieve themselves in the street. who undoubtedly were previously dogs.

Yep, I live in a well-to-do, semi-rural area and there is a lot of inherited ‘help’ just underneath the surface.

Family businesses or shares in one

The use of a grandparents’ holiday home - always described as ‘run down’ but unsurprisingly in a great location so they just keep on going back…

Land, enabling people to get a business off the ground

As a mum returning to work, getting a flexible job via school or family connections

Those aren’t just my own speculations, those are all real examples from local friends and acquaintances.

You'll always get the ones who have the ' leg up' in life with money or connections
Some are incredibly smug about it too , which can be annoying.

Thing is that even with some kind of "leg up", some people make the most of it and others don't, and end up claiming "bad luck" for their own lifestyle mistakes.

Likewise, there are many really successful people who literally had nothing, no leg ups, no secure/safe family background etc.

So you can't say that successful people are successful because of an inheritance or secure family, etc., just as you can't say unsuccessful people are unsuccessful because they didn't. There's more to it than that, more variables, etc.

It's all relative to lots of other factors. Luck of course does play a part, but even "unlucky" people can go onto be successful. A lot of it is putting yourself into a position where you can benefit from "luck", making the right connections, making the right choices, grabbing opportunities that come your way with both hands rather than making excuses not to, building self confidence, building self resilience, etc.

I know plenty of privileged people with super supportive families and trust funds who have spectacularly wasted their privilege and/or totally messed up.

From precisely the same background, good but mean parents, DH is super successful, SIL1 dropped out about 35 years ago and neither she nor her partner do anything other than menial jobs and only when they have to (they have diddly squat and their grown up DC have the same lifestyle, SIL2 and dh work middle class jobs, have a nice life, grow things and do some animal husbandry on the side but through choice have no DC.

SIL2 never stops complaining about her lot and will watch her 88 year old mother carry in the shopping, unpack it, and cook it without taking her feet off the coffee table or her nose from a book.

Yep same here. I know a few families where siblings have had very different lives despite having the same childhood, same parents, same family experiences, etc., so basically started from the same point.

Same with my own brother. Don't want to go into too much detail, but our adult lives couldn't be further apart in terms of career, business, home, marriage, family etc., yet we both had the same upbringing, both inherited the same amount at the same time, etc. The only differences are a six year age gap and different secondary schools.

My OH's position with his sibling is very similar too. Again, same family background, but in his case, there's only a 2 year age gap, and they went to the same primary and secondary schools. Yet, their exam results are very different (one bothered to do homework and study, the other didn't), one was "into" the opposite sex earlier and made poor choices, the other didn't etc.

One of my clients, in fact, the most successful who sold his business for several million pounds, took risks and started his own business, built it up from nothing, and ended up employing a few hundred people. His brother worked in a supermarket, and even now, still works in a supermarket. Again, exactly the same parentage and family upbringing.

So, I do think people over-think the "benefits" of family and background - it really doesn't dictate your future life and that lots of other factors, choices and events have more influence.

It is undoubtedly true that some people waste their privilege. But just because some people waste their privilege doesn't mean that the privilege had no value.

At some point in their life, they had options that would not have been available to someone without that privilege. They chose not to take those options. Someone without that privilege doesn't have that choice in the first place.

I do think people over-think the "benefits" of family and background

And yet all the evidence and stats say otherwise.

There are always outliers, but on a population basis, someone's background and their eventual attainment are very strongly correlated. With social mobility decreasing in the UK in recent years, this is getting worse, not better.

As the old saying goes
Comparison is the thief of joy

I am sure plenty of people from privileged backgrounds end up squandering the benefits of their early life. So it is not just about what privileges you are born with.
But some people are never given the opportunity to squander those privileges/
My privilege was a loving mum and being born in the UK. But everything else I did myself.