Why do some people always seem to land on their feet…?

[Farmhouse1234]

Been pondering this lately, as I’ve a few friends who this seems to apply to.
Whilst I’m sure there’s an element of luck involved, do you think there are other factors? For the people I know I think it maybe also be linked to - confidence, an expectation that things will generally go in one’s favour, and being a generally positive person (or perhaps that’s a circular argument!).

It is probably a mixture for most people of hard work and luck. If you believe it is all down to luck then you don't try as your thought process is I will fail so I will not even bother putting myself in the game.

@Xenia I do not think anyone thinks it is totally down to luck.

I think it's probably down to confidence. Everyone has setbacks - it's how you react to it. I think I'm one of the "lucky" people you describe.

For example, I experienced quite blatant discrimination at work where a boss tried to fire me when I was in a v vulnerable health situation. It could have been the collapse of my whole career - that's what happened to others in that situation.

Instead, I was furious. Told my company they couldn't discriminate against people like that (it had also happened to others). I argued like mad with my company, sought legal advice - my company eventually offered me a huge payout, then offered to call off the whole redundancy.

In the meantime I had been working tirelessly applying for other roles. I actually got offered something more senior, higher pay than my old role.

So I accepted the payout and took the better job.

My friends say "MsCactus, even when she had something awful happen to her, she ended up in an even better situation than before!"

But actually, it was very hard and scary to fight an entire company. It was difficult to apply for so many jobs when I was also experiencing discrimination. The whole thing was hugely upsetting - but I had the confidence to fight and try, rather than take the easy option, and I think that made the difference.

From the outside though, my life looks easy and blessed.

Secure attachment in infancy
Academically successful
Good mental health
Wide family support structure
Close friends
Reasonable wealth including savings
Secure housing
Good physical health

I've known a few people like this

Friend of a friend was dating this total loser guy

She ditched him, and was determined to find a rich bloke. Which she did. She now doesn't work, lady of leisure etc

She was very, very clear in what she wanted.

I think there's an element of that too

Secure attachment in infancy
Academically successful
Good mental health
Wide family support structure
Close friends
Reasonable wealth including savings
Secure housing
Good physical

^

Hmm. The woman I'm talking about up thread had none of these, except good health. In fact id say she had the opposite: bad childhood, poor academics etc.

Desperate times, desperate measures etc

I'm sure I've told this before on now, but it's partially making your own luck, and partially the way you talk about it.

My family think I'm very lucky. They tell me so when things happen, that often I've worked at. This is something that happened a number of years ago.

We were going to an event (me and ds) that we'd been to before, and never had problems getting in, so didn't buy tickets in advance. About 5 miles away we hit a queue. I said to ds that I hoped this wasn't the queue to get in. Didn't really think it was.

Anyway we crawled along, and there was a cyclist on the side of the road having a drink, so I called to him and asked him if he knew the reason for the queue.
He told me it was the queue for the event! My heart sank, and I said to ds that we probably wouldn't get in because I knew it was limited numbers. I chatted a bit with the cyclist and said to him I'd probably turn round at the next junction.

The cyclist told me to take the next right turn and follow the road round and I'd come out a long way down the queue.
So I did. It was one of those windy country roads with grass growing down the middle, and all the time I expected to end up in a dead end farm or similar.

But no, we came out about half a mile from the venue.

We arrived at the venue, and it was packed. The queue to buy tickets was literally from one end of the very long car park field to the other. So I said to ds that there was no way we would get in, and suggested that we sat by the fencing and we could see something of what was going on and ate lunch.

So we sat down by the fencing and watched. Suddenly this official man was next to us and he asked how we were planning on paying for tickets, was it card? I said yes, and he told me to follow him.

Feeling a bit confused I followed him along with about half a dozen others and they told me that at the front of one of the queues the card machine had gone wrong so he was taking us elsewhere to pay.

He took us to the front of another queue, and told us to pay. Family at the front of the queue started having a huge strop because "we're at the front, how dare you jump in" despite the official trying to explain.

Eventually the official snapped and said to us "just follow me".

Where he took us through the gate for free.

As we walked through the gate, the announcement came over the tannoy that the venue was full and no one else would be let in.

Now when I related this to my family I was told:
"Why did you ask/believe the cyclist? He could have told you anything?"
"Why did you go down a little road? That could have been dangerous."
"It was silly to sit by the fence and look in. My dc would have hated that."
"You shouldn't have gone with the official. You didn't know what his intent was..."

And then they all said in chorus "you're always sooooo lucky. It's not fair."

But it wasn't just luck. They wouldn't have got in because they'd not have done what I had did. They'd probably not have spoken to the cyclist, but even if they had, they'd probably not have done the other things.
There was luck: that the cyclist was there, knew a shortcut and definitely luck in being in the right place for the official. But I wasn't passive in it.

And it's partially how you talk about it. If we hadn't got in, I wouldn't have talked about it. Whereas my siblings would have told about the terrible day they'd had where they'd queued and not got in and how bad-tempered everyone was etc.
I tend not to talk about things that go wrong.

I have had bad luck, but on the whole people don't know about that. I've been severely depressed, and other things that most people don't know about me, and some that they don't know how badly they effected me.

One of the most cheerful people I knew was born with a heart condition, not expected to survive until school age. He died in his early 20s, but he could tell as story of being blue-lighted to hospital and hearing a nurse say "I don't think he'll survive this one" in a way that put everyone in stitches. He could make a dentist appointment sound like the luckiest thing that had ever happened to anyone.
It can be as much about the telling as the situation.

I think a lot of things that from the outside look like luck are actually hard work and motivation. That goes for personal and professional stuff.

Margaret, I agree. When about 10 one of my children won top prize in a competition. She was so sure she would win (we were at an airport) she picked up about 100 leaflets from the floor to enter and scratched them off one by one. No one else at the airport tried 100 times. She won top prize cruise for 2 because she tried harder than anyone else (and of course was lucky too).

Sometimes we make our own luck. I went back to work when the children were about 2 weeks old (weeks not months) so had no maternity leave, no career break, no loss of earnings, no loss of status at work - not surprisingly my career has gone pretty well. Not all women would want to do that of course

I think it’s down to the law of attraction.

positive thoughts breeds positive outcomes

This is me and Dh. We have had our fair share of challenging times, more than alot of our family members but we are so used to it now. Not saying it's a breeze but we try to be thankful, patient and just get on with it. We've found by doing this, it has made us more resilient and adaptable and we aren't as fazed when faced with challenges.

nobody fell to the top of the mountain. Health can be another matter though

This is simply not true.

Yeah, this is bollocks.

A positive attitude can help, but it's not going to magically fix major problems.

Not sure what you mean by this? Plenty of people are born at 'the top of the mountain' by pure chance.

It is…

I dare you to say that to someone who, for example, has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer at a young age.

I guess it's their own fault for not thinking positively, right?

Absolutely. In the eyes of phenomenally stupid people, at least.

Presumably Jane Goodly's fault for not thinking positively, that led to her mothers murder?

Confidence, resilience or pre planning can get you out of a hole. I don’t really believe in luck.

Slip ups yes. But in these kind of discussions the examples given are slip ups, but described as awful events.

Absolutely this 👌. I've been incredibly fortunate to have a wonderful loving home given to me by my adoptive parents after being born 3 months prematurely. My life was happy, comfortably middle class, and i worked hard to have a good education.and career in publishing for a decade.

Then, a decade ago, bad luck (although self inflicted), meant that I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by off label psychotropic drugs that gave me a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia that is a bit like Tourette's and Parkinson's disease combined. It was/still is sometimes nothing short of hell and i mean this truly sincerely when I say that I'd give all the money in the world to be healthy again.

Life is better when you have rude health, although of course it's easier to appreciate this more after you have been through illness. I am very fortunate to have a wonderful and supportive family whom.have been through a lot with me, and lived with my chronic illness for a long time. I'd be nothing, and probably not here, if it wasn't for them and my 3 children.

Exactly 💯 this . My idea of bad luck relating to my poor health is definitely something that I'd consider "worse" than say, someone who had to pay for their car repair unexpectedly or something like having a holiday cancelled, but of course it is all subjective. Their own views on their bad luck are absolutely valid and mean as much to them as my problems do.to me.

I'm certainly not saying it's a race to the bottom at all, but I'd say that having lived through a lot of health issues and horrendous things that others might have found too much have made me feel very resilient, moreso than if they'd never happened to me.

Yes, absolutely this. Life can be very fragile and change in an instant.

Absolutely, it's luck of where you're from.

I had a secure upbringing, I've enough confidence and self belief to know things will be ok/work out in the end. Even when my whole world was turned upside down last year, it's ok, it's not perfect by any stretch, but we're all settling into our new normal.
I work with people from a vastly different background, I see daily how unstable their landing is and how something that would make me or dh say "ffs" and sort it out can utterly ruin their week/month/year. It's awful how a small inconvenience for me can be utterly destructive to someone else.