Why do some people always seem to land on their feet…?

[Farmhouse1234]

Been pondering this lately, as I’ve a few friends who this seems to apply to.
Whilst I’m sure there’s an element of luck involved, do you think there are other factors? For the people I know I think it maybe also be linked to - confidence, an expectation that things will generally go in one’s favour, and being a generally positive person (or perhaps that’s a circular argument!).

I think @BrightonFrock 's approach is right - she did have luck with the house deposit (although being told not to come back home at 18 is pretty fucking tough imo) but she acknowledges and appreciates that.

From a previous poster though:
Their own views on their bad luck are absolutely valid and mean as much to them as my problems do.to me

It's true, small sorrows can hit as hard as big sorrows. But personally at this point I find it hard to be super sympathetic to someone who has had a small prang in their car and gets heavily bent out of shape with it. It upsets them and that's real, but compared to the lives some people have they do (imo) need a sense of proportion.

@RosesandHellebores Im sorry about the loss of your babies.

@MarmaladeSideDown I had a hideous childhood & lots of people have horrible experiences. But some people let it define them & their choices moving forwards. Others don't.
I also mentioned the wheel of intersectional privilege so of course these things matter.
Money matters.
But attitude and positivity matters too.

I think more resources money- social you have the least it is to recover from set backs as you have more support to draw on.

There's the halo effect - good looking people often get more passes and support - expect the opposite is true as well.

Also people not seeing bigger picture - telling people they are lucky to have a house when they've inherited to due early deaths of parents - or for us not remembering or seeing the hard times that got us where we are now.

Also personality - having self belief/confidence to shrug off set backs or the charisma or pleasant popular character to swing things your way when they could go either. I have family that fall into CF territory but others often let them get away with shit because they are fun and charming.

Then there is just luck or timing going in your favour.

I also have family who dwell on bad timing and poor luck and take it to mean more than than - that the world's against them that they are always unlucky even when overall they are doing quite well. They can be quite draining.

There is certainly some luck involved. I am just about never ill which is very unusual for someone my age. Now part of that is good luck and another part will be that I don't drink or smoke and never took drugs and don't have tea and coffee and never even been on the contraceptive pill. Luck and life choices I suppose. One reason I didn't get pregnant early on is that I was a teetotal virgin at university. However some people get pregnant from rape (some , not most who get pregnant early on).

Even things like looks which can help in life if you look fine are both luck and the fact perhaps two attractive parents married each other

But the house deposit wasn't a natural consequence of being told not to come home.

I was told not to come home at 16. I also didn't get a house deposit. I'm comfortable now, but my starting position was very different to that of some others.

Having security and a degree of financial stability can make a huge difference. E.g. someone who has affordable secure housing may be able to take a lower paid trainee role that has better prospects in the long term (e.g. one where the employer funds valuable professional qualifications), whereas someone without that luxury may not be able to afford to do so and has to prioritise maximising their earnings now in order to pay the bills. Both may work hard, but the first will likely have better long term prospects.

I would never say hard work is irrelevant, but where you are starting from makes a huge difference.

I would never say hard work is irrelevant, but where you are starting from makes a huge difference.

It does.

Though for DH and I meant we worked harder and wanted more - we were more driven our parents were well off enough to offer some support not so well off we didn't need to strive. I worry our kids are less driven because they've had bit more and weren't around better off people like DH and I were.

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist I would never say hard work is irrelevant, but where you are starting from makes a huge difference.

Could not agree more and all the statistics are in your favour too - people who say that it only comes down to attitude are simply (and often consciously) ignoring the recorded facts, for reasons of their own.

I still think @BrightonFrock shows appreciation for the fact that she was given a house deposit and acknowledges that it helped, though.

(It was actually RosesandHellebores that I was referencing in my post earlier btw, although I appreciate that wasn't clear)

ok :)

You make your own luck imo. There are elements of fortune sure but when opportunity knocks you've got to be in and answering the door. Some people are better at seizing the day than others

@mamajong the opportunity that comes knocking is very different for different people.

I’m like this.
Throw shit on me, flowers grow.
I can’t be doing with wallowing, get up, sort yourself out, move on.
Rejection is redirection. Better things are down a different path.

Love this

@HelloDilly I hate it. I had a close relative who was murdered. Was I not supposed to wallow, dust myself down and get on with it?
The sentiment is for ordinary life events. Break up with a boyfriend, getting made redundant without risk of being made homeless, difficulties at work.
I find it a facile and offensive saying.
I think a lot of people do not realise how easy a life they have had. I haven't had a very hard life although I have had a number of very tragic things happen. I know people whose life has been very hard though through no fault of their own.

I get so pissed off when people say ‘ oh aren’t you lucky ‘ or ‘ it’s alright for some’ .. nope I own my house because I worked bloody hard constantly , I go on a nice holiday or 2 because I earned the money through hard graft , I’ve retired early because I worked hard , saved hard, made sacrifices and am now able to reap the rewards. I had no hand up , no silver spoon , married as a teen, 2 kids , one parent took their own life , my parents didn’t have anything , my husband also had no money , so unless we earned it we would’ve continued to have nothing . So I took what I had and worked hard to have a decent life. I landed on my feet because I chose to. And I am grateful my DH had the same attitude.

@vixen68 I am glad you and your husband built a good life for yourself.
Don't most people get no money from anyone though? Since I was 18, I have earned every penny I have ever had and my DH is the same. I thought that was normal?

Yes absolutely agree, however there are those who find a way to make the best of a very bad situation and others who have a head start but still don't capitalise on the opportunities presented, fir me the difference is resilience and mindset.

@mamajong I partially agree. Resilience is hard for some people because of childhood abuse and/or mental health problems. I read an article in the Guardian today about how a talented artist ended up street homeless and addicted to drugs. He is out of this now, but was born to a mother with unmedicated schizophrenia who used drugs and neglected him. She later killed herself and as a child he lived with his father who wasn't much better at looking after him.

In spite of this he built a good life for himself as an adult. Made money and a bit of a reputation as an artist, got married and had friends. Then when his fathers schizophrenia was bad, he tried to get him help, but did not succeed and his father killed himself. That was one tragedy too much and he then spiralled into schizophrenia himself, ended up street homeless and taking drugs.

People can only take so many tragedies in life. They can have so much resilience. He ended up of drugs, his mental health issues medicated, and living in an apartment attached to a friends house. Without the considerable support from his friend though he might not have made it.

In my world that's normal. For a lot of other people though, large cash gifts from parents are normal.

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist Fair enough.

A friend many years back told me I was one of those people who fall in a bucket etc. and on the surface it probably looks that way. But … I have to work hard to keep a positive mindset, keep putting one foot in front of the other, setting goals and working towards them … there’s no magic wand. I do think mindset is the key. I feel lucky all the time and truly count my blessings.

Not buying that unless money literally falls from the sky things happen because people make them happen

People don't get a random knock on a door and jobs, opportunities, money etc. just happen people apply then make one or many decisions that fit together

I would never say hard work is irrelevant, but where you are starting from makes a huge difference.

But you ARE saying hard work is irrelevant, because in every post you make you try to diminish it and say it’s meaningless if you’ve had any help along the way. It’s a poisonous attitude.

Same with if someone finds money on the street it is not luck that you find it a person dropped it and you find it

Luck itself does not exist

@Edingril I know people when leaving school whose parents got them a job through their friends. Sure they still had to make the most of the job just given to them, but the different opportunities is real.