Dear parents, please pay more attention to your kids.

[anissa834]

Some kids are way too comfortable with strangers and some parents pay little to no attention to them.

Yesterday while I was sitting on a bench, there was a mother and a kid sitting on a bench a bit farther. The other bench where the mom was sitting was facing away from me.

And the kid was running around while her mom was on her phone not paying attention to her surrounding. Then the kid started talking to me. At first she said hi and then she started asking me about my favorite color, who is my favorite footballer ECT. We were having a small talk.

Finally after a couple of minutes, the mother firmly told the little girl to come to her.

Luckily for the girl and the mom, I am not a crazy person. I bet if I told to kid to come with me to my car to get some candy, she would've came with me without a second thought.

Parents please pay more attention to your kids !

She was right behind her. She likely could hear her talking. After a short amount of time, she called her back.

OP also said she wouldn’t allow her child to talk to strangers if she was a parent.

Wasn't the classic "never talk to strangers" slogan replaced with a new one, a few years ago?

"Clever never goes."

In other words, teach children not to GO with strangers to see puppies or whatever they tempt them with nowadays. But teaching children to be afraid of other people (like we taught children to be afraid of so many things in 2020 - digression, I know, but I feel very strongly about it) is a terrible thing. Children need to know how to ask for help when they need it.

I think phones should be banned from parents of under 5s. Classic Mumsnet, ban this, ban that. The parents of under 5s will have to use phone boxes in an emergency. But it is a good point about parents being distracted by their phones.

I disagree with not allowing the child to talk to strangers point, but wouldn't allow a child out of sight to talk to strangers or otherwise when out and about (even if I think I can hear them behind me). A lot can change in a matter of seconds.

@scalt I've been sitting on my hands not to write basically your last sentence! 😂

I can’t remember exactly but wasn’t there a theory that stranger danger was bad as more crimes against children were committed by those who knew them like relatives or friends?

I'm not parent shaming by the way. I acknowledge that it's bloody hard!

See, these kind of posts really stress me out. My kid is incredibly gregarious and confident, and he’ll chat to anyone. The implication that people might think it’s because he doesn’t get any love or attention at home is upsetting. Sometimes kids are just naturally confident and social!

You're wrong that giving children enough attention to ensure they won't feel they need to approach strangers is 'setting children up for failure'.

What children need when they are young is the sense of security that comes from knowing their parent will always be mentally and emotionally present and available to them. It is this sense of security that enables them to form healthy friendships, healthy relationships, and to develop bonds with peers as adults, networking, etc.

Children whose parents neglect them (parents who are not mentally or emotionally present and available) and who are left to seek connection for themselves, with strangers, do not get that secure foundation. They will always be vulnerable to people who will use them all the way into adulthood. They will be vulnerable to people who sense and exploit their neediness.

Yes, being close by and paying a lot of attention to a child's interactions, and listening to your gut about the sort of people your child interacts with is far preferable to what the OP witnessed. What she saw was a child who was being ignored by a habitually distracted parent and who clearly had a 'patter' that she exercised with strangers. So not at all what you're advocating.

Are you female, @anissa834 ?

Where do you draw the line OP? Do they talk to someone in a shop? A road crossing patrol person? Doctor?

Kids need to be aware but they also need to know how to interact with people in general and be polite.

Wait until you have your own kids. You may feel foolish.

Agree.

Response time is lengthened considerably by screen use (hence rules about phones and driving).

And this kind of parenting has probably led to a whole load of anxiety-ridden children who can't cope with life.

I can see both sides of this one. Lots of assumptions that mum was keeping an eye on the child even thought she was on her phone. But they were assumptions and we don’t know for certain that she was. And there are a lot of people around who pose a threat to children. I can, however, appreciate the importance of raising a confident and well socialised child. The post from anissa834 does not harm, just gives a friendly reminder of the importance of keeping an eye on your kids while you’re out. And let’s face it, isn’t a friendly reminder much better than the heartache of regret when your child is gone? 🙂

How odd.

I practically encourage my kids to speak to strangers. How else would you ever meet anyone new? No wonder there's so many Gen Z terrified of real life human interactions if there's parents like OP.

Everyone round here is very friendly, you can't stand in a queue without someone chatting to you. Sounds like a perfectly normal interaction.

The way I read the OP was that the mother of the child was on the further bench, facing away - not having the child in her line of sight.

@mathanxiety - I think you've misunderstood. I'm replying to the OP who had just said she'd never let her kids talk to random strangers. I also say that it's not necessarily this situation, but what I'm referring to is the idea that children are taught NEVER to talk to strangers.

Also : it's a bit of a leap to assume the parent in the original scenario is neglectful and this is a habitual thing. DS constantly wants to chat with strangers, has done since he was about 1, and honestly will ditch a conversation with me to speak to someone he catches with his eye! He's just very sociable and chatty - I don't think it's linked to neglect 😂

Another one also with you here OP. The amount of parents that leave their kids to trail behind them whilst they are buried in their phone is ridiculous. A lot of people can’t seem outwardly at least to spend any quality time with their children without being on their phone outside.

Not the same thing but around here there are a group of older children about 14/15 year olds who ride e-scooters about the town and outside our local Tesco car park who purposefully ride in front of cars and pedestrians and stop just inches in front of them. Countless people have complained on the local Facebook pages about them and I’ve seen myself the amount of times they’ve nearly been ran over. One of them almost ran into my DH yesterday and they just looked at him and rode off shouting expletives to their friend. They also throw food and mud at people’s cars and houses. It just makes me think how the hell do their parents not care what they’re up to. At some point some poor person in their car will hit them and it’ll be the driver who are left feeling guilty and having to live with the consequences. Either that or they will ride into a vulnerable pedestrian maybe an elderly person, small child or pregnant woman but they think they’re hilarious.

People should definitely be paying more attention to what their children are getting up to and where they are. The lack of prioritising of their children’s safety is staggering.

Parents really don’t need reminders of how to parent from those who have never even experienced it.

Op I completely agree with you, It's shocking how people care more about their phones than their children, I would rather watch mine play than just sit there and scroll. The amount of parents let their Children run riot in shops, restaurants, etc is unbelievable.

Maybe they are the ones believing in the mystical kidnappers, kidnapping their feral children and it's a plan ?!

Child abduction is vanishingly rare. Of the cases that do occur, most are by family members. Stranger child abduction is staggeringly rare. The child in your OP was more likely to be hit by lightning.