Dear parents, please pay more attention to your kids.

[anissa834]

Some kids are way too comfortable with strangers and some parents pay little to no attention to them.

Yesterday while I was sitting on a bench, there was a mother and a kid sitting on a bench a bit farther. The other bench where the mom was sitting was facing away from me.

And the kid was running around while her mom was on her phone not paying attention to her surrounding. Then the kid started talking to me. At first she said hi and then she started asking me about my favorite color, who is my favorite footballer ECT. We were having a small talk.

Finally after a couple of minutes, the mother firmly told the little girl to come to her.

Luckily for the girl and the mom, I am not a crazy person. I bet if I told to kid to come with me to my car to get some candy, she would've came with me without a second thought.

Parents please pay more attention to your kids !

But in that setting, in that moment, it's comparable, no? There's an adult and a child, and the adult has responsibility to keep the child safe.

Sitting on your phone ignoring how your child interacts with a complete stranger isnt parenting though

If I had kids I wouldn't let them talk to random strangers. That's how my sisters with their kids operate. Her kids aren't allowed to talk to any strangers.

Given you are clearly worried about reducing risk, presumably you will not allow your children to talk to family members or close friends either, since that’s where the vast majority of abuse comes from?

Why didn't you ignore the kid then since you feel so strongly about it?

@anissa834 but this is going to set your sisters kids, and your future kids, up for failure. Everyone needs to be able to talk to strangers ~ how else do you make friends, or network in later life, or have any meaningful relationships? Learning to do it from a young age in a healthy manner is very important.

Not necessarily in this situation - preferably with you there, to begin with at least. But no talking to strangers is a bit mad - and contributes to kids being terrified of anyone who they don't know, which isn't healthy.

I'm with you, Op. My ds is a young adult now but was always very chatty and confident and always loved talking to adults. However, when he was little, although i absolutely let him chat to people in the park etc, and even encouraged it, the big difference was that he was visible to me at all times. Op is absolutely right in saying that if she had quietly got up and beckoned the child to go with her then the mum could have turned around 2 minutes later to find her child gone. It's fairly basic level parenting to ensure your young child doesn't disappear from your view in a public place.

My DC knows you do t go up to a stranger that calls you over to them.
Not to go anywhere with a stranger, even if they say they have sweets or a puppy or toys.
That if a stranger says they know mummy but you don’t know who they are you don’t go anywhere with them.

He will still chat away at the park to adults, lives for the attention 🤣

there is a huge difference between social interaction and going off with a weirdo.

and for all you know the mum was paying her energy bill, just as likely as fucking around on Tik tok surely? How do you know she wasn’t aware of where her child was?

I agree I'm so shocked at the amount of people bashing OP and thinking it's totally normal to not pay attention to your kids in public.
I see this all the time in our local park and so many mums sit on the phone and completely ignore their children, like literally dont even watch them. I saw a little toddler playing with a discarded can of monster and his mum didnt even see, thank god there was nothing sinister inside. I just dont get why people have kids to ignore them and think its normal to stare at a phone so long you dont even know where your kid is. I also genuinely enjoy playing and interacting with my son and always feel a bit sad for the kids that want their parents attention, kids are only young for such a short time period.

Then her kids are at risk of growing up with poor social skills at best and social anxiety at worst.
Are they allowed to talk to the supermarket cashier, a librarian, a police officer, a friends parent, the postman? All strangers! What about if they got lost and an adult asked them if they were ok? Would they be silent in fear of talking to a dreaded and dangerous’ stranger’ ?
This kind of blanket ‘stranger danger’ nonsense is doing your nieces a huge disservice.

Well that’s fucking miserable - what a way to set your child up to be terrified of the world

And actually just because that’s how your family do it doesn’t mean it’s right. There is A LOT of approaches to parenting that we actively don’t use, when most of my family do.

I think the mother would have probably noticed if you kidnapped her kid, as opposed to talking to her, so I wouldn't worry about it OP.

So the child chatted with Op for what... all of 2 minutes... and then Mum called child over firmly.

Why is that a problem? Mum called the child back and child went over. Mum was probably relieved someone else was in the questioning line for 2 minutes.

@anissa834 not every stranger is a "bad guy" and it's really odd to think that, children and adults interact all the time without most adults abducting a random child. It's weird to make children so fearful .

To be honest I wouldn't allow my child to be alone with any adult that isnt me or my husband, they've no need to be just like they've no need to be out of my sight with a complete stranger.

I’m not worried about my child being comfortable talking to adults appropriately. We teach him to look them in the eye, shake hands politely etc.

I do think digital distraction is a massive massive issue for parents - so many behavioural issues I see in parks / play grounds /
public could be totally avoided if their parents were engaged with them. I hate it when parents have faces in screens and only look up to tell their kids off - when their children are only behaving like that becuase they haven’t had any positive guidance in the lead up…

"If I had kids"

👍

I think short polite interactions with strangers are good for children. It’s important to learn social skills, parent calls back child before she became a pest. It just feels like a non issue.

I bet if I told to kid to come with me to my car to get some candy, she would've came with me without a second thought.

Lol ok then.

Ah. And there in lies the issue here.
It’s just not the same if you don’t have your own kids. Looking after other people’s kids you are on high alert constantly as you only have them for a short amount of time and not being the primary caregiver are less sure of the child’s every move.
Unless you are a mother you can’t have the intuition, the hearing of your child’s voice , the tone (which the other parent may well have been listening to whilst they were talking to you)
Its just a different ball game to looking after other peoples kids.
Not to say that some parents aren’t always watching close enough, but it’s more in depth than that and you really don’t know what the mum saw or heard.

This.

I recently had a lovely chat with a small child about my "boy hair" their mum's hair was waist length mine is not, this was in a cafe type place with a stay and play happening , said child chatted with /at several adults ..... Not one of them scooped the child up and ran away ! Normal social interaction.

Do you generally suffer from anxiety because this seems a little extreme? I'm assuming your child must be quite young because you're going to struggle to keep it up.

😂 exactly
what a sad world it will become if it is looked on as odd for a child to talk to a stranger