I am supposed to go to a birthday party tomorrow night but I don't feel like it

[Fransons]

My energy is drained and I don't feel like going. I am long term harassed on and off and it started again and it's taking a toll and I just don't feel like go out any more.

Can you go just to dinner and skip pre- and post drinks? Escape early?
But then you don't owe anything to anyone. I would hate going in your place. I would feel like I am about to burst in tears any moment, start crying in the middle of something fun (for anyone else but not you at the moment) or would be really withdrawn and people start asking what's wrong etc etc. If you don't feel like going and you feel like it is too much, simply say you got ill and sadly cannot come tonight .

I understand as I have( now stable) chronic depression and there are times you can't even get out of bed.Tortuous.
If you're that low at the moment, it would be too much, so I would tell a white lie and feign a stomach upset, although personally I would feel more guilty afterwards

Actually I have gut issues for real and I am prone to infections and I have about 2/3 flares a year with stress being the number one contributing factor. If I don't find a raging fever tomorrow morning, I will be busy Sunday or Monday at the latest. I know my body far too much. It will be GP or A+E.

Thank you for understanding. My mental health is reaching the floor.

You Might end up having a nice time

My current feeling is that I am so so so tired. That's how I am right now and all day today too. The root of it is the crap that's happening in the background.

I don't know if that will change from now til tomorrow and evening Sunday.

This

Ah yes, but work happens nearly every day. An organised event on a specific day is a bit different. Odds of you coming down with a sudden illness on that day are slimmer than it happening on a workday. Also the sickness I was referring to was a cold. You don’t wake up with a full blown cold on the day, you either developed it earlier in the week and waited until the last minute to cancel, or you lied to get out of going to a thing.

Anyway you don’t seem like you’ll change your mind so the sooner you let your friend know the better. If you don’t want to explain, and I’m sure she’d understand, have a migraine or stomach bug. Those are nice quick-onset illnesses. Hopefully you get the support you need with the harassment

Thank you for your message. People do genuinely get sick even if it is a weekend and with a planned event on the way. Some headcolds can be nasty too with bad sore throats and earaches and headaches and they can be bad. Sometimes you can wake up and it's just there.

I do have an underlying condition and experience infections and sickness and pain easily. I don't know if there's anything genuinely brewing now which is mad. Often my flares are not clear cut.

Hopefully I will be able to get the harassment to stop. I was hoping it would stop but it's clear to me now it will never stop. I will have to go down the legal route.

Is the birthday person someone you are close enough to that it would be ok to send them a message tonight that you are struggling at the moment, the harassment case is effecting your sleep and stomach health, but you’d like to see them for their birthday, are they having drinks before the meal? If so could you come along for a drink, wish them happy birthday, then leave.

or stay for the meal but be clear you won’t be up for a long evening drinking after the meal, so you’ll head off after dinner.

I think it's really flaky to say yes to something like this and then not go. Often when people do this, I think they think it's just them, when actually there may be a few no-shows which will make the person whose birthday it is feel a bit rubbish.

The next update will be her legs and arms have fallen off, does she still need to go?

If you don't want to go, tell them you're not feeling well.

How are you feeling today @Fransons? Doing something ‘normal’ like meeting family and friends might make you feel better?

I read a blog recently where they talked about different types of tiredness. Apparently you can have fight/flight/freeze fatigue that is lifted if you get up and engage in something.

Let them know you can no longer make it, then don't go. Why are you overthinking this? It's absolutely fine to put yourself first, despite what the people pleasers are saying, and I hope your situation improves soon.

It's not about being a people pleaser. It's about celebrating someone's birthday with them and helping them to have a good time on their birthday.

The OP has said she's busy this morning and afternoon. So if she's not too tired for the other stuff and can still do those, if it was my birthday meal I would be upset if she didn't turn up because she didn't feel like it.

You seem to have bigger problems, so don't go. In the future, just don't committ to stuff. Take some time out.

Looks like I might be able to make this after all. It looked so unlikely that I wouldn't be able for this but hoping to get a shower in within the next hour or so. Will get dressed up in leopard print and red. A bold outfit.

Oh well done. Can’t let the fucker win.

Excellent!

Mamy of the replies are about people pleasing.

Some say people pleasing, I’d call it good manners and respect to turn up to something I had accepted an invitation to.

If you don’t want to people please, you say no when you are invited. Or you cancel a long time in advance.

it is incredibly rude to accept an invite without thinking if you actually want to do it.

So many people feel like it’s rude to say no to an invite but don’t acknowledge flaking on the day /day before is much ruder.

Hope you enjoyed yourself if you did manage to go @Fransons