I am supposed to go to a birthday party tomorrow night but I don't feel like it

[Fransons]

My energy is drained and I don't feel like going. I am long term harassed on and off and it started again and it's taking a toll and I just don't feel like go out any more.

Yeah I think so, sorry OP I think YBU. This party is about the birthday person.

It won't be for an hour or two. It will be for the whole entire night. I will be a guest or a +1 for my partner and his family. I would love to vanish after an hour or two but I won't be able. In fact it looks quite likely it may even go into Sunday.

If it's just for a few hours, it wouldn't be too bad.

Right now I am in a place where I just want to go to bed and stay there.

Please see my messages above. Do not let these people guilt trip you into going or feeling bad not going. Why make yourself feel more stressed and ill over a birthday meal. It’s not worth it my lovely!! Any decent family or friend would understand. Say you’re unwell, put yourself first and take care. Please get some support for the harassment if you haven’t already done so Xx

Honestly, I think that's even more of a reason for you to attend and not drop out. You may feel awful and I really sympathise, but it's only one night. You could always say you have plans on Sunday and stay home then.

Don't go if you don't want to go. Too much pressure on people to do " the right thing" when actually you should be free to choose. If you had D&V you couldn't go and they wouldn't want you to. Put yourself first for a change.

No op you don't have to stay all evening you can go for the meal and make you're excuses. It might mean you get some grief but so what, you say you're not feeling well and walk out.

The problem is these days everyone puts themselves first and thinks someone else will do the right thing and turn up. But nobody does!

I had a professional event the other day. 50 people confirmed. 15 turned up. I am going to remember those who did.

In your place I would still go because it looks like you may need your friends in tje future.

@cantarguewithfools I agree with you.

I totally agree with you - it's really horrible to be on the receiving end of multiple last minute cancellations too, especially at an intimate event like a meal where it's really obvious that people haven't shown up.

So you posted just wanting validation on your decision to not attend and to ease your guilt by the sounds of it, love how you have changed the goalposts mid thread that the meal is now going to somehow go on into Sunday to garner more support.

The root of the problem is the harassment. Is it workplace? Have you reported it?
If you just want to go to bed it's having a bad impact, so you will need help. Talk to someone.

Well she did choose didn’t she by accepting the invitation in the first place and now just wants to flake out at the last minute which causes upset, completely different to being genuinely ill with d&v, last time I looked can’t be bothered isn’t an illness.

Go stay for a couple hours then leave with citing a headache.

what does your partner say about the harassment?

Going to an extended family event as a plus one is a different thing than ditching on a close friend.

And your latest update sounds like you're feeling mentally unwell, OP.

What does your partner say? Is he/she in agreement that you should stay home?

Are you getting any help for your situation?

Don't go, then.
Simples.

It's rude to flake out. If you've said you'll go then you go.

Who is harassing you? Is it someone who'll be there at the party?

It’s pretty crap to pull out like this OP. Often things are better than you expect too.

I'm heartened by the number of responses who say 'just go'.

It's really upsetting when people flake on you at the last minute, because they 'don't feel like it'.

It says 'You don't matter'.

Interestingly I have a friend who I make a real effort to stay in touch with (always me to her, but I don't mind because I have an otherwise strong social circle, I'm not desperate!) who told me last time we managed to catch up how she's upset at how 'unsupportive' other friends have been, and how they've 'dropped away'. I bit the bullet and gently reminded her how often she pulls out of arranged get togethers and how eventually, the invitations dry up, which for her, they have.

Don't be that person.

No, the harasser won't be there.

I'm sick to the pits of my stomach. Just sick.

Have you reported it? Are you getting help and support?

I'm trying to get support for the harassment. I am waiting to hear back from some solicitors.

Have you reported it to the police?
Is it at work or elsewhere?

I think I feel like I am in a place where I need to unwind for the weekend. Does that make sense? Partying doesn't do it for me.

I am facing going down a legal road and the financial stuff that brings. I don't feel comfortable having drinks in a bar and then going for a meal. The current plan is for me to stay over because there is no way home. I will likely be stranded until Sunday.

I just don't know if I can stomach this. I do have an underlying condition to manage. I had a hard week and I just never knew the end of my week would dump on me this way. That's what it feels like. A huge dump on my back.

Personal life