I am supposed to go to a birthday party tomorrow night but I don't feel like it

[Fransons]

My energy is drained and I don't feel like going. I am long term harassed on and off and it started again and it's taking a toll and I just don't feel like go out any more.

Unless your harasser is going to be at the meal, I think you need to suck it up and go. Cancelling this close to someone's birthday meal is really unkind imo.

Honestly I can never be bothered with going to things in Winter and always dread it in the lead up to it but I just make myself get ready and go and generally feel happy I did and enjoy it when I'm there. There has been occasions at parties il go show my face and sneak away after an hour. If its friends and family, who's bday is it? Would they understand if you explain, if you reallt can't face it, if they know what you're going through.

You’ve made a commitment and you should keep that. Often, when feeling like this the worst thing to do is stay at home, it’s much better to get out and be with people who love you and who you love back.

This. I don't have parties for myself because of this sort of attitude. Fine if you say at the outset you can't go but dropping out last minute for no good reason is not on.

I was invited to friend's 40th several months ago. She caught me on the hop and I couldn't think of an acceptable excuse at the time at the time and said I would go. Real reason was I don't have anyone I can take and thought I wouldn't really know anyone.

In the week up to the party I was thinking of excuses not to go until I saw on FB a long list of people saying why they couldn't go ( genuine reasons) and thought it would be awful for me to drop out too. She has also been a very good friend to me and has had a difficult couple of years herself.

Anyway I went promising myself I only needed to stay an hour to show my face. As it was I saw people I hadn't seen in years and had a nice time. Most importantly my friend seemed so genuinely pleased to see me that I felt guilty at even thinking I would drop out. The party was well attended too despite the multiple drop outs so she wasn't just relived I was there to make up numbers.

If you've made a commitment I think you should go unless your actually unwell or have a genuine excuse. Not feeling like going is not really a valid reason

You need to go.

I always say yes then never want to go on the day. I go anyway because dropping out last minute is a shitty thing to do and I always end up having a great time.

However, I am very good at pretending I’m ok when I’m not. If you’d just be sitting there looking miserable and not talking maybe it’s better not to go.

This. I find in life that i almost always and pleased when I attend social events even for a short time.

It’s too late to drop out because you are tired. If it was because you were sick, fine. But the point to decide if you wanted to go was when you were asked and said yes.

its a sit down meal, so 2 hours max before you can politely leave, you can still be home and in bed at a decent time.

I don't understand what you mean by long term harassed as this could relate to a lot of issues but ... I'd go on the basis that once I am there I'd probably enjoy myself and I don't want to let my friend down. If you really feel drained leave early. However if you think it's going to have an impact on your mental health then just be honest with the friend and say so.

If it is your harasser’s birthday or your harasser will be there I think you have reason not to go. Otherwise I think when you are being harassed the significance of maintaining relationships cannot be overstated. We heal in relationships not in isolation. Get your harasser as much out of your life as possible but build good healthy social relationships with decent people.

Life is too short to go to things when you’re not feeling up to it. If they are any sort of friends or family they would understand. I would absolutely hate the thought that any friend of mine or family member would force themselves to go to an event I’ve organised if they were struggling or not feeling up to it. All these people saying to put a brave face on and go… well no, don’t feel guilt tripped into going. You do what’s right for you and DO NOT feel bad about it X

I know !

I was wrong

And what if everyone else has the same attitude and the birthday person is left sitting there alone like a lemon?

Or would that be okay because people are allowed to just cancel regardless of the consequences?

The likelihood of lots of others feeling the same or pulling out is small. You shouldn’t champion someone who is feeling vulnerable making themselves feel more miserable going to something when not feeling up to it. Any decent family or friends would not want someone close to them in that situation.

When you get older, it is the things that you really don't want to go to that turn out to be the most fun. It's to do with low expectations.

I would just make yourself go. Worst case scenario if you really hate it you can leave early.

the distraction will probably make you feel better rather than moping around at home alone.

You don't know that.

I get what you're saying but I think you should make an effort to honour the commitments you make, especially for something like a sit-down meal where your absence will be obvious (and noticed). It's really not nice being the host and having multiple people decide they can't be arsed at the last minute.

to be fair I've seen many similar posts on MN where the majority are more along the lines of @Newone123456 encouraging people not to bother, I would agree this thread goes against type (which is pleasantly surprising).

If you don't go, don't complain that nobody ever invites you anywhere or that people leave you out, ever again. There was a thread on here about a month ago where someone was organising a big birthday party and it showed how upsetting it is to the host when people start dropping out. Same with the occasional threads where nobody has turned up to a child's bday party and the child is absolutely gutted. It's just rude. Other than emergencies or illness, if you commit to something you should attend it.

If you do cancel make sure the host isn't out of pocket - it's rare for big bookings that they haven't had to pay a deposit per person, if so you should refund this.

Sorry but I firmly believe in honouring commitments unless something unavoidable comes up (being ill/in an accident/something major, not feeling tired/can’t be arsed/got a better offer) so I think you should go. Let this be your last event for a while until you feel up to committing to anything else.

Don’t go, don’t care about the birthday person or their friendship, don’t feel bad about it, don’t force yourself to do something you can’t be arsed doing, and don’t worry about not honouring your commitments or being a dependable person….

AND don’t expect to have any friends or ever be invited to anything again!

Flakes suck and frankly don’t deserve friends.

So it's ok to cancel if you are ill but nothing else? Even though my feelings and emotions are on the floor right now and my stomach churning with anxiety from harassment. Not knowing when the mental torture from someone else is ever going to end.

I could say I am ill and who is to say otherwise?

Well, ultimately you can cancel for whatever reason you like - nobody on here can stop you. Only you know whether you'll feel guilty for letting someone down or not.

Why have you asked when you’re so sure you’re right?

If you’re ill, you’re ill. But that isn’t what your OP says, which is what people are replying to:

“My energy is drained and I don't feel like going. I am long term harassed on and off and it started again and it's taking a toll and I just don't feel like go out any more.”

It doesn’t say you are anxious, it sounds very much like you can’t be arsed.

Tell the police about the harassment

go to the birthday party. You only need be there for an hour or two. don’t be a flake. It’s so unattractive and people remember