What did you wish you knew about the menopause in your 30's?

[HystericalDinosaur]

So, I'm mid 30's and have realised I know nothing about the menopause. Off to Google that.
But what did you wish you knew about it when you were in your 20's and 30's? What won't Google tell me?

OK doctor.

That just because you haven’t had kids, don’t assume that you’ll breeze through it all. I stupidly thought this, didn’t sweat about things and it’s hit me like a ton of bricks.

Anything at all - I knew precisely nothing about it in my thirties and beyond as no one spoke about it very openly

In my thirties I’m currently dealing with my childbearing years, so I’ll deal with menopause when that comes. My mum still had periods into her fifties, so I’m not convinced it’s around the corner for me yet.

Joint pain and itchy skin. I am mid 40s and hadn’t realised perimenopause could start up to 10 years before menopause.

thought I had something wrong with me. Nope hormones and needing to build muscle strength. Plus irregular periods.

But what difference would it have made if you had worried about it? You’d just have had years of worry followed by bad menopause, instead of years not worrying followed by bad menopause.

This. The scaffolding of collagen goes and you look like you've been hit by a badly-thrown flan...

nothing - don't worry about it in your 30's (unless you have early onset).
Just enjoy your life and your body and deal with peri/menopause when you need to. Enjoy being in your 30's.

For all the talk about menopause going on right now doctors are still shockingly ignorant - all the advice I have had conflicts from doctor to doctor. I've had a hospital consultant call my GP reckless and ignorant (though personally I think the GP was right and the consultant was wrong). The next GP gave different advice again - so don;t expect to reply on the NHS for good advice sadly.

Maybe save up so you are prepared to pay for some private medical advice. None of these so-called health professionals seem to know their arse from their elbow when it comes to menopause. Its a terrible state of affairs and hopefully things will have improved by the time you need to access menopause services

Find out when your Mum, older sister, maternal aunties started menopause.

It’s much harder to lose weight when you hit peri. I reached it late 30s after birth of my second child. Keep your weight in check in your 30s.

Crikey don't start thinking about jt now! Enjoy your thirties!

I agree with this. There are upsides!

I agree about the keeping to a healthy weight, exercise, good eating habits etc, it's easy to let all that slip when you have young children and a busy life and harder to turn it round when you are older.

Also about some of the symptoms other than erratic periods and hot flushes in case you do suffer. My mum never really talked about it, but has mentioned later in life just sailing through it, it has been pretty well the same for me. So I haven't really talked about it to anyone, including my DH or young adult DCs, there hasn't really been anything to say with regards to my own experience. I am glad there is so much more information out there now though.

I wish I had known about the terrible anxiety and crushing insomnia.

Although happily HRT sorted all that out.

All the stuff on the internet hardly mentions these symptoms and just say oh you might get a bit warm🙄

That's fantastic @mondaytosunday - hoping mine will be like that!

So good to hear there's something good at the end of it!

The Menopause for me, was one of two life changing events! The first was having children & then at 47, came the menopause.

I am now 55 & hopefully on the other side of it ( Hollow Laugh)

it has had such an effect on me! From being laid back & fairly easy going, I now feel the rage at any idiot that crosses my path 😂

To my shame, as a teenager I used to laugh at my Mum having hot flushes! Hers were so bad, she broke a fan (Hand held, brought back from holidays in Spain) Oh, how we laughed but how little did I realise or know.

However, my sister who is 3 years older than me, sailed through her menopause.

We are all different! For me it was awful & for others it is a breeze.
Just keep yourself fit & healthy & your fingers crossed.

That it can start in late thirties and the signs of it are not obvious. I just thought I’d developed insomnia. Turns out it was the start of peri and for YEARS I basically didn’t sleep because I had no idea what was causing it or how to fix it. Hrt fixed it immediately. My advice is read up on all the weird symptoms, some are very surprising. For me I have insanely dry eyes, and despite being told at a hospital appointment it’s common in women over 40 still no one said it’s caused by peri…. So it’s not juSt your friends not mentioning it, it’s medical professionals too. Please talk to your friends, share experiences. The best piece of advice I got was from a friend not a doctor so let’s all keep talking so we can help each other.

That you should get yourself to your peak fitness by the time you are in your early 40s. Once you get to mid 40s you will start to injure more easily, and recover much more slowly. You will also lose any fitness you build up in a much shorter period of inactivity than you used to. And struggle more to build it up again. This, added with naturally depleting muscle mass at menopause, makes it so much more difficult to build your fitness up again.

I really wish I had got myself in peak shape before I hit my mid 40s. Its really important to have built up a regular exercise regime by then. And maintaining the fitness you have built up, is so much easier that trying to become fit. And already being strong and fit is important for reducing injury.

So yeah, start getting fit now! You will not regret it!

It's a tiresome business. I had no idea how much estrogen made my life comfortable!
It goes on for flipping years.
Keep your weight down in your 30's and have a good diet and do weight bearing exercise. Don't be afraid of hrt.

I get what you’re saying, but that’s what I was trying to do in my 30s when peri hit and because I didn’t know what it was I wasn’t able to get help. I agree with your view that it shouldn’t hold anyone back but knowing what might be coming is really important so women don’t suffer unnecessarily if they do find themselves badly affected by symptoms.

@tippedgrass when you say peak fitness, do you mean super fit ie ready to run a marathon or is a few strength and cardio sessions a week enough? Asking because I've just started exercising and find the slightest thing exhausts me so I'm guessing it takes a few years to get properly fit?

That when your mother goes through it (I have no other female relatives) has potentially no bearing on you whatsoever. I started getting peri symptoms at 27 and my periods stopped at 30. I was finished before my mother was.

The crying.

I thought my marriage was failing. I worried and cried all the time about what bad life choices I made. I felt like a bad wife and I started loathing my lovely husband.
If i walked the dog, I cried. If I exercised alone, I cried.

It took several years to realise that I was crying for the second two weeks of every month. Solved entirely by mirena coil, high oestrogen and testosterone.

Also, your uterus, rectal passage and bladder can all fall out due to meno. No one told me. Two forceps births no one mentioned a thing. 10 yrs later, oestrogen left the building and my vagina imploded, necessitating surgery, seven million fucking kegels and a furious anger.

So do your kegels. And get vaginal oestrogen asap and use it.

HRT can help, but it can also cause a host of other symptoms making you wish you hadn't bothered.

Getting HRT is a lottery depending on your GP / ability to seek second opinions.

Controlling your weight leading into menopause will help when the pounds start to pile on.

Lots of symptoms can be reduced / eradicated by 100% clean eating, no alcohol, exercise and sleep being on point.

If you are unhappy in your relationship / marriage, it will become untenable during menopause.

Good skincare can be really important - dermatologist level rather than high street.

And the final one, you can learn to feel really good about yourself if you put the work in. I felt shitty, sluggish and plain in my 40's, I feel fit a glowing in my early 50's!

Joint pain, but bizarrely only ever one joint at a time. Comes and goes.
dry eyes - like sand.
Periods unpredictable, sometimes 12 day cycle, sometimes 120 day. Sometimes so light its negligible sometimes so heavy I can’t leave the house for 3 days.
No emotional turmoil or hot sweats for me though, (so far) my friends mental health has suffered greatly.