Accidentally fostering, and don't have a clue what I am doing

[AccidentallyFostering]

Over a week ago, one of DC's friends disclosed abuse to their CAMHS worker and then came straight to our house frightened to return home. I understand that the parents are now under investigation, and an urgent assessment is proceeding. A week later, Child is still with us, and Children's Services have only today called me back to say that it'll be another week before they can send a Social Worker round. Obviously I will do everything necessary to keep Child safe, but I really don't have a clue about what to do or what I should be doing.

The parents were screaming threateningly and intimidatingly at me at first but then phoned Children's Services to document their consent for Child being here. I think they'd realised that if it weren't for me their Child would be in Care with strangers. But I still don't understand the legal position I'm in.

I've managed to obtain from the parents Child's clothes, some belongings, all medication and information about dietary requirements and religious observances - but I'm aware that Child has huge mental health needs I don't know enough to support. CAMHS have told me a little about their mental health issues (have advised removing sharps, locking away medication etc - have done that) but I still don't know how much I should ask or how much I should know.

Child is accustomed to a lot more freedom than I would judge to be safe given their age and mental state. But given that I'm not the parent or carer, am I entitled to tell them they cannot leave the house at certain times or must come home when I tell them?

Child's dietary needs are adding to our grocery bills. All Child's appointments are costing me taxis and bus fares. I don't want to seem tight, but I'm on a limited income. Should the parents or Children's Services be providing me with money?

Parents and CAMHS are expecting me to home educate Child alongside my own DCs. Is this a reasonable expectation? And if so, who should fund it?

I'm happy for Child to stay with us over Christmas, but am I supposed to provide all the presents and cater to their traditions?

I need to take my DCs to visit family abroad soon - should I or can I take Child along too? And again, who'd pay for the airfares?

Is there anything else I should be thinking about or asking or doing?

Assuming the child is under 15 you're in a private fostering arrangement. There should be information on your council website or perhaps you can call the team and ask any questions you have.

I've been in this position a few times OP. Any funding is very very very difficult to get. When my nephew came to stay with me. I had to pay for everything extra. It was bloody hard.

The parents should offer though!

This may be seen as private fostering and there are strict rules and regulations, a social worker should have come out straight away, in a week is not good enough.
if it is a private arrangement, as in the parents agree for you to care for the child, they should give you the child benefit. If social care are the ones saying that the child should stay with you, and the parents cannot have the child home because of the risk, then they should regulate you as a foster carer, support you and pay you an allowance, as well as the child becoming a cared for child.
I think you should phone the child’s social worker and say that unless they come out and give you some guidance the child will have to go home to parents.

Definitely contact Childrens Services to discuss the arrangements. It becomes a private fostering arrangement if it has , or is expected to go beyond 28 days. It could be classed as a family and friends or kinship care arrangement and there will be a team that deals with this in your local authority so maybe contact them for advice too.
I would not think that it is a reasonable expectation for you to home educate this child alongside your own and I am surprised that you would have been asked to do this as it’s a massive commitment and could have implications for your own children’s education I would imagine.
The whole situation needs a huge amount of thought and careful planning if it’s going to work in the longer term. It’s great that you are doing it but definitely get advice from children’s services sooner rather than later. Even if a social worker can’t be allocated to you yet there will be a duty worker that you can speak with to get your questions answered.
Good luck

There are specialist fostering fora too for advice.

But can I just say thank you for doing a good thing? Restores my faith in humanity, we need more like you!

Put in the boundaries for the child that you would for your own child. If they were going to school they should continue to do so.
Call and email social services on Monday and ask for urgent funding, it’s cheaper for them to fund you than it would be to place the child with an official foster carer, even more expensive is that foster carer lives in another borough. Copy email into Cabinet Member for children's
social care you will find them on the council website.
If the child is still with you when you plan to go on holiday Social services should pay for respite care with a different foster carer.

good luck with it all you sound amazing.

Family rights group has a forum for kinship carers.

Nothing to add except to say what a lovely person you are to do this... ♥️

Keep all receipts for bus fares, additional food etc. Once you've seen the SW you will know more but do not be embarrassed to ask the SW about money to support DC needs. Parents will still be getting child benefit for this DC.

Don’t let it be private fostering - ask for an assessment under child in need and that the child should be considered as a child in care so that you get ample financial support. Essentially they would be in foster care if you hadn’t stepped in so you’re entitled to ask for this

Don’t be afraid to push hard and say that if you don’t get adequate support then you can’t do it as the reality is they won’t want him in actual foster care as there is not the capacity for it

The parents should at least be passing you the child benefit money.

You are doing all a huge favour.
and
social care will reward you with delays & delays and no money.
They will be so pleased to have spent no money and made no effort.

It’s really unfair, the councils “foster carers” will get money, transport etc. you willl get nothing

Yikes expecting you to home ed an extra child is a huge, huge ask. You sound like a good person OP but are you okay with all this? And the potential impact on your own kids? I worry you are being pushed into it by stealth.

Tell Social Services that unless this is sorted out officially immediately with adequate funding, including repayment for all expenses to date, you will have to bring the child to the Town Hall and leave him there.

But if I were to push Social Services to formalise the arrangement and give me the rights of a foster carer - would I then need to go through an actual assessment to become a foster carer? From reading up on what's required of those applying to become foster carers, I know that my health alone would get me rejected. Child is adamant they cannot and will not go home even if Social Services deem it safe for them to do so (which is unlikely) and I don't want Child to go into Care.

I can’t believe you weren’t visited immediately. Shocking you could be anyone. Are social services trying to claim it’s a private family arrangement? As s minimum a police check should have been made. Call social services monday & tell them you need reimbursement for what you’ve spent

a nephew is very different to an unrelated child. You are fostering and Social services need to sort their act out. Personally I would be telling social services they need to arrange transport for appts and so on - cost shouldn't be down to you. If they have made disclosures about parents then all your contacts should be via social services or it could cause issues later. You need everything clean and above board and you need to be clear to SS that you do not have any funds for these extras. Push SS to tell you what you are entitled to - you currently are doing them a favour but the sooner this is on a more official footing the better, to cover your own behind and theirs

This is not true or fair.

OP if social services are saying that the child cannot go home, then they have de facto placed him with you under a reg 24 placement. Such a placement needs to be urgently assessed and approved. Coming out in a week is unacceptable. They should have a duty system for urgent initial viability assessments. They need to come out tomorrow and assess you. If it's positive they will have to approve you as temporary carers and PAY you as well as offer you a supervising social worker. This will be a temporary approval for 16 weeks while they assess you further.
do not let them fob you off. They have to follow their statutory processes.

Yes you would, but as an interim arrangement the assessment is usually just one visit and some background checks. For a fuller assessment it will be much more in depth but it's not quite the same as a professional foster carer and they make more allowances for health conditions etc.

Hi OP I'm a social worker..I'm hugely surprised they haven't sent anyone over sooner. My only thought is that they think Camhs have put this in as a.saftey plan so child qis safe so it hasn't gone in as an urgent referral? In terms of fostering there are different types as others have said so either when s.w comes over or maybe call and ask if they have a connected carers team who could asses you if this is going to continue long term. I would also keep receipts etc for what you have spent as even if you aren't getting fostering allowance they can apply for funding though other channels. I would call on Monday and ask for a phone call with the social worker and if they aren't free ask to talk to the duty worker (because there should be someone available to take urgent calls)

This! Run. Don't walk.

Absolutely this!
@AccidentallyFostering I looked after one of son’s “tricky”friends for an afternoon - His mum asked- but then she never turned up !😵‍💫

I couldn’t get through to her.

At that time I didn’t have much money- his dad had died, so no one else to look after him.

Turned out a hospital procedure had gone wrong.

Thankfully it was only for a week, but boys eat a lot!😵‍💫😅
Sounds like your job is much more expensive and demanding- plus the stress of their home life.

Well done .. You are doing a very brave thing as this is open ended . You need money for doing this from the child benefit.

Why would she say that when it's clearly an empty threat? Nothing suggests the OP would do such a thing. Making empty threats will just make the OP look foolish.

We had a similar situation. Our “extra child” came to us when his mother was taken into hospital with alcoholic related issues. SS asked if we could take him temporarily. Then they disappeared for a week!
I ended up calling them and literally making them come back out to see him and us. I had to fight to get them to start paying us. It was a nightmare but he stayed with us for quite a while.