Accidentally fostering, and don't have a clue what I am doing

[AccidentallyFostering]

Over a week ago, one of DC's friends disclosed abuse to their CAMHS worker and then came straight to our house frightened to return home. I understand that the parents are now under investigation, and an urgent assessment is proceeding. A week later, Child is still with us, and Children's Services have only today called me back to say that it'll be another week before they can send a Social Worker round. Obviously I will do everything necessary to keep Child safe, but I really don't have a clue about what to do or what I should be doing.

The parents were screaming threateningly and intimidatingly at me at first but then phoned Children's Services to document their consent for Child being here. I think they'd realised that if it weren't for me their Child would be in Care with strangers. But I still don't understand the legal position I'm in.

I've managed to obtain from the parents Child's clothes, some belongings, all medication and information about dietary requirements and religious observances - but I'm aware that Child has huge mental health needs I don't know enough to support. CAMHS have told me a little about their mental health issues (have advised removing sharps, locking away medication etc - have done that) but I still don't know how much I should ask or how much I should know.

Child is accustomed to a lot more freedom than I would judge to be safe given their age and mental state. But given that I'm not the parent or carer, am I entitled to tell them they cannot leave the house at certain times or must come home when I tell them?

Child's dietary needs are adding to our grocery bills. All Child's appointments are costing me taxis and bus fares. I don't want to seem tight, but I'm on a limited income. Should the parents or Children's Services be providing me with money?

Parents and CAMHS are expecting me to home educate Child alongside my own DCs. Is this a reasonable expectation? And if so, who should fund it?

I'm happy for Child to stay with us over Christmas, but am I supposed to provide all the presents and cater to their traditions?

I need to take my DCs to visit family abroad soon - should I or can I take Child along too? And again, who'd pay for the airfares?

Is there anything else I should be thinking about or asking or doing?

Exactly, yes. I can't even go there with even thinking about doing that to Child. Given the trauma they have experienced, to use them in a bargaining manoeuvre with Social Services like that would be too too horrifically triggering and cruel for words.

Ime you don’t have to go through any training to become private foster carer but neither do you get any payment. Child benefit for that child should go to you but will require some documentation with council
to show child lives with you, I think. Safeguarding lead at school might be able to help more or give a contact in council.

I have no advice but I am just astonished by your kindness and generosity. I really hope you get help.

I think because this was due to abuse social services have an obligation to provide more support. I'd ring them and say if financial and practical support is not immediate they need to rehouse the child as you are not equipped to cope.. Theres a shortage of foster carers so they I would like to think they would respond to keep him with you.

@AccidentallyFostering
But given that I'm not the parent or carer, am I entitled to tell them they cannot leave the house at certain times or must come home when I tell them?
You are the carer though so you are not only entitled but required to keep the boy safe which means having the same rules as for your child. I would explain this to the boy as well; you're happy to have him staying but in order for him to do so he has to obey to the same rules as your son.

Do not overthink this. Right now you're a safe place for this boy. Don't start to talk to him about what he's been through unless he comes to you. Then listen and be empathetic but try to keeep a distance inside in order for you to not going under. You need to keep your strength for all the children. A child psychologist and social worker will handle the hard stuff. I am baffled a social worker hasn't been out to see you and the boy.

Thank you for keeping this boy safe.💐

After 28 days it becomes private fostering if the child is under 16 and not related to you. There is a duty to assess and support. Social Care may be long arming the arrangement with you as it makes a big difference for them responsibility wise if they asked you to have or keep the child or if the child and you /family made the arrangement. I would be very clear about what you can and can't manage , as long as you are willing you will be left to get on with it, so if you need anything you will need to push. Hope it gets sorted soon and the SW is helpful and understanding of your situation. If there are risks you need to be clear about what the safety plan is.

I would think providing a safe space is enough for now rather than worrying about traditions.

OP if social services are saying that the child cannot go home, then they have de facto placed him with you under a reg 24 placement. Such a placement needs to be urgently assessed and approved. Coming out in a week is unacceptable. They should have a duty system for urgent initial viability assessments. They need to come out tomorrow and assess you. If it's positive they will have to approve you as temporary carers and PAY you as well as offer you a supervising social worker. This will be a temporary approval for 16 weeks while they assess you further.
do not let them fob you off. They have to follow their statutory processes.

This is the correct advice. Regulation 24 is where Children's Services make an immediate placement and to do this they need to complete police checks, LA checks and a home checks. This should have been done immediately. You are then a temporary foster carer pending full assessment and will be paid as a foster carer. The full Connected Persons assessment has to be completed within 16 of the placement starting.

You're being very generous and kind OP, but please also think about the impact of having this child 24/7 around your own DC. It's a huge change to be a friend then suddenly have this person around you without a break. Especially if they have MH issues.

Push for support and help - you don't have to be the answer for this child long term.

Why should it be an empty threat? Sometimes that is the only sort of action that will make SWs do their job. As matters stand it's great for SS, OP has taken over their responsibilities and it is not costing them a penny. They have no incentive to sort it out.

I have had direct experience of a case where a residential school placement of a child with severe difficulties (including a tendency to be violent) broke down and the child was simply dumped on a single parent with health difficulties. SWs kept saying terribly sorry, we just can't find a respite placement or a school. Eventually at a meeting where they came up with the same feeble excuses the parent just snapped and walked out, leaving the child there. Suddenly they were able to find both a respite placement and school place overnight.

All I can say is that you are an absolute hero and thank you for keeping this child safe. How is your dc coping with the situation? Get as much advice as you can. However hopefully it won’t be long before they are in another arrangement.

Agree - don’t let them say it’s a private arrangement. It’s reg 24 and you should get assessed and paid as such.

What do you invisaging happening long term if this child can’t go back home and you don’t want them to go into care? How old is the child? Unless this is going to work long time I think you really need to be pushing social services for more support here.

It's an empty threat because she's not going to do it!

There is a charity called Kinship which can provide advice.

absolutely. Thank God for people like the OP

It's outrageous you've been dumped into this with no support or funding. Don't take it lying down. It's commendable you're willing but you're getting the piss taken out of you OP.

Now I'm getting angry phone calls and messages from Child's family. Struggling here

Mute them or turn off your phone. No need to answer a call or a message. If they are of an abusive nature then report to 101 or online. Make a note of this incident then try to focus on the kids and yourself.

They're not making it easy for themselves are they? Can you put your phone on Do Not Disturb? You can add contacts that are 'allowed' so that others can get in touch with you.

I say DND and not block because I think you should be keeping an accurate record of any harassment and intimidation. The calls won't ring, but they will show in the call log. Same with messages, they'll all be kept safe.

I would phone the out of hours duty team for your social care service and log that you've been contacted by birth family in case it escalates and you need police or advice re legalities and safety, and also they will contact the day time team to let them know and it'll be picked up rather than you trying to call in the morning and realising you can't get to the right person. It also highlights you need support.

This is exhausting. More disclosures from Child. More angry parents. Support available to them seems absolutely minimal, support available to us zero. Child is such a wonderfully lovely, resilient, sparkling soul too. Heartbroken on their behalf.

How old is the child? If 16 (or very close to 16) the rules are different to under.

Either way if this is to more than a very short stop gap you will be assessed and can claim allowances for being a foster carer, however for older children the assessment is less stringent. Also remember that they will be doing everything to help you pass the assessment, they are so short of foster carers. As for airfares etc, again they need to be in the system officially, they can't just give out money, but there are charities that fund things once she's officially looked after.

I've been in your position very temporarily, thankfully the issue at home wasn't abuse and they went back after 12 days

As per enforcing ruk8abd boundaries, that's definately your job. Ad you have a similar aged child you can use that as a benchmark. While your are living here it's my job to look after you. Let's discuss how that will work. Then lay out similar to what you do with your child - eg if you go to a friend's house after school let me know. You need to be home by x o clock. Whatever your house rules are. It's definitely OK - you can't have a child living in your home with unlimited freedom and the rest on standard house rules!

Child is amazing, extraordinary, lovely.

SS want us to send Child back to parents. Child is begging SS not to be sent home, and we have told their Social Workers we are putting Child first. We won't force Child home against their will, especially when Child is feeling so unsafe with their parents.

I thought the Children's Act meant that SS was supposed to prioritise the safety and welfare of children?