Accidentally fostering, and don't have a clue what I am doing

[AccidentallyFostering]

Over a week ago, one of DC's friends disclosed abuse to their CAMHS worker and then came straight to our house frightened to return home. I understand that the parents are now under investigation, and an urgent assessment is proceeding. A week later, Child is still with us, and Children's Services have only today called me back to say that it'll be another week before they can send a Social Worker round. Obviously I will do everything necessary to keep Child safe, but I really don't have a clue about what to do or what I should be doing.

The parents were screaming threateningly and intimidatingly at me at first but then phoned Children's Services to document their consent for Child being here. I think they'd realised that if it weren't for me their Child would be in Care with strangers. But I still don't understand the legal position I'm in.

I've managed to obtain from the parents Child's clothes, some belongings, all medication and information about dietary requirements and religious observances - but I'm aware that Child has huge mental health needs I don't know enough to support. CAMHS have told me a little about their mental health issues (have advised removing sharps, locking away medication etc - have done that) but I still don't know how much I should ask or how much I should know.

Child is accustomed to a lot more freedom than I would judge to be safe given their age and mental state. But given that I'm not the parent or carer, am I entitled to tell them they cannot leave the house at certain times or must come home when I tell them?

Child's dietary needs are adding to our grocery bills. All Child's appointments are costing me taxis and bus fares. I don't want to seem tight, but I'm on a limited income. Should the parents or Children's Services be providing me with money?

Parents and CAMHS are expecting me to home educate Child alongside my own DCs. Is this a reasonable expectation? And if so, who should fund it?

I'm happy for Child to stay with us over Christmas, but am I supposed to provide all the presents and cater to their traditions?

I need to take my DCs to visit family abroad soon - should I or can I take Child along too? And again, who'd pay for the airfares?

Is there anything else I should be thinking about or asking or doing?

If SS are saying child can return to her family they mustn't have a care order in place for her to not be with the family. If there is no order then legally I don't think that child can stay with you and I think parents could request the police to go and remove child from your home. I understand you don't want to force the child to go home if she doesn't feel safe there but if there is nothing legally in place to say she can stay with you I don't think you have any rights to keep her.

Let me apologise for not reading the whole thread, I haven't got time at the moment.
Someone else has probably already said this.

I would contact Barnardos or Action for Children.
They do excellent work locally and are well regarded.

I hope you and your family are doing well OP.

Legally the child can stay wherever she/he chooses if she's over the age of around 15, police won't remove a child of that age who doesn't want to go home unless there are clear risks in the place they are staying.

This is horrific - a vulnerable child placed with someone who has not been assessed immediately??

You sound lovely OP and are clearly not a threat but professionals are not following processes by not meeting with you immediately to assess suitability to care for this child

Also, their opnions need to be taken into consideration from around the age of 11 - which is why they should have talked before deciding they can go back to the family. I thinks depends on Gillick competency?

You would be very unwise to continue in this informal arrangement. You need to insist on SS involvement, they should be taking responsibility for the child's placement with you or elsewhere. From your post it is clear that you need guidance and support in fostering this child, which at the moment you are not getting. You are putting yourself at risk of being held responsible if anything goes wrong (such as child coming to harm or running away.) It sounds as though you are also being manipulated by the child's parents - you are putting yourself in a very risky position.

SS once made my auntie send back the child she was fostering. child died 3 weeks later, was an awful time and was really disgusted by the situation

Gillick relates to medical treatment. There is no specific test in relation to decision making in teenagers. If the child wants to stay with OP and OP wants to keep them nobody is going to remove them (on the face of it) but it doesn't mean OP will get any help or money. It's a private arrangement.

Social services have said the child can go home. It's not a fostering arrangement.

That's awful.

And social services are on their knees, sadly. If OP still has alarm bells ringing around whether the child was properly assessed, she needs to explore this officially.

It is, but there is zero context. It's more likely that a court determined the child had to go home than a social worker. It's easy to make blanket statements but less easy to understand the context.

The child has been seen and spoken to, so have the parents. The OP can definitely advocate for the child if they think this wasn't done fully enough, but IME (professional) teens can misrepresent what's happening at home and there are often adults who mean very well but don't know the full context and actually do more harm than good by getting drawn into the narrative.

Go to the police. Tell them about the abuse and harrassment and the teen can go and live with another of their family members (not their parents). Tell SS and police that you can't afford to look after another child, especially as they have expensive dietary requirements and mental illness.

But she doesn't want to do any of that? She doesn't want the kid to leave. She's committed to looking after them.

It's unlikely to have gone to court this quickly and especially if the child is a teen over 13.

SS and the parents can demand the child returns to their parents. The child can then run away , be captured and forced to live with parents, rinse and repeat.

The OP is not fostering.

Why are you replying to this post? I was replying to someone talking about a baby who was returned to parents and then killed.

social services cannot 'demand' the child lives anywhere, even if they had a care order to be honest and in this case they clearly don't. It's now a matter between the OP and the child's parents.

But equally, abusive parents also lie and present a different face to social workers and decisions get made by about removing or not removing or about returning which place children in danger. Sometimes with tragic consequences. You seem very keen to have decided that the child in this case is lying and whatever the social worker says is true.

This isn’t a dig at SW or family courts btw, it’s a difficult and thankless task with often unmanageable caseloads.

It sounds as though you’re doing a fantastic thing but tbh I can’t believe this goes on and I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it happen myself. In the case I have witnessed the ‘private fosterer’ was no more appropriate or capable than the child’s parents, and the arrangement ended with the (frankly unhinged) teen making exactly the same allegations against the temporary carer as they had against the parents, causing incredible issues for the host family and their own children.
Sorry I simply would not be getting involved.

I'm finding this ongoing discussion very helpful, so thank you to you all. I'm sure you'll understand that I'm reluctant to post more details or updates on such a public forum. But I am beginning now to find the support we need.

Brilliant. Glad to hear it OP. Really hope you get the support you both need.

Hi OP, I was in this exact position, but it was never considered an 'official' situation as the parents didn't consent for the child to be with me.
The SS did however feel that being with me was in the best interests of the child, and the child stayed with me for a year. I was eventually given a small amount of money towards the child's 'keep', but is was a tiny amount that came nowhere near what it was actually costing.
It worked out though and the child was able to move on to an extended family care situation and then to further education and independent living. I still see the child, and I'm glad I was able to step in at a critical time for them. But I won't pretend that it was in any way easy.

Bless you for this. You are doing something amazing. Remember that on the days when things are hard, because there will be tough days. I've been in your position and it was a rollercoaster - but 100% the right thing to do.