How much is enough for an engagement ring ?

[RevelryMum]

Just wondering what peoples thoughts on this are and obviously it will differ from person to person and income and taste but generally what do you think is acceptable to spend on an engagement ring ? And what would be "too much" . If we assume the person buying the ring earns in and around 45,000 - 50,000 a year . The reason I'm asking is a friend got engaged and was bought a ring for around 300 I looked it up at the time but can't remember exact price, her DP has a good job so money wasn't an issue. I know secretly she doesn't like it as I've known for years the style she likes also it's not an engagement ring or a diamond so I feel there was little to no thought put into it. If it were me I think I would be very hurt as it's not a token ring that's her ring for the rest of her life and I feel he gave it no consideration at all.

I would be really annoyed if my DP spent more than £500 on a ring and tbh it would possibly make me think slightly differently about him.

I think people are very silly to spend lots on a ring and it’s almost like the relationship isn’t as important to them.

I don’t like the idea of being a prize on someone’s arm for show and I get this feeling with men who buy expensive rings, that it’s more for other peoples benefit.

For me, it’s about the thought process behind getting the ring and not just getting it because it’s the most expensive.

it was something bought with love in mind not value.

I absolutely love this and it’s my mindset too.

An expensive ring tends to not have the same sentimental value as one bought out of love.

Really weird behaviour, OP. If your friend is happy, that's all that matters. It's sad we live in such a materialistic society that someone's love is shown by an overpriced engagement ring.

The issues that matter are meaning, personal taste and practicality, financial value is irrelevant unless it causes financial hardship.

27 years ago my ring cost £750 the same sort of ring is now 2.5k. But if I sold it the money given to me would be less than the original price. The actual bargain was DH who is just making me a morning cuppa.

I’m not much interested in precious stones so when I got engaged had a blue topaz surrounded by cubic zirconia. It wasn’t at all expensive and I loved it but I know it really bothered some people that they weren’t real diamonds and was “cheap” so I stopped telling them what it was. (The marriage didn’t last but not because of the ring.)

Ought to discuss with DP as we need to tie the knot at some point, but I know he won’t be spending thousands on an engagement ring because that’s not who we are. I’d rather pick something that means something to us.

To those who have precious stones, if it’s a ring you love then that’s what matters, not my opinion.

The earnings are irrelevant without knowing how much savings they have, if they own a home, if they have debts etc.

It's crazy to spend £££ on a ring when you have little assets. £300 is fine and a lot of money for some people. It's only a ring, I pay very little notice to mine.

You're being shallow.

There was a bit of a discussion in our office on this topic and I mentioned mine was about £1k 20 years ago and another colleague, who got engaged similar time to me, said that’s cheap, my ring was really expensive and I love it - £10k… I said we low income and were saving for a house so I’d have been pretty annoyed if he’d spent 10k on a ring and scared to wear it. She went on and on about mine being cheap. I walked away from the conversation and others looked uncomfortable.

Thing is, 20 years later I’m happily married to the same man and she’s divorced and has been for 10 years, but wants me to be jealous of her ring. Weird to me. I would be disappointed with £300 but then if that means an amazing honeymoon then maybe it’s a compromise.

My DH spent about £3500 on mine in 2009. I'm not sure how much that is today. Then he earned about £45,000 a year so it was a lot of money.

She was boasting about an engagement ring from a man she’d been divorced from for ten years?!

This is such an odd thing to be thinking about. I can't even picture any friends' engagement rings, let alone try to find out how much they cost in order to judge where they are of an appropriate value.

I've had 2 engagement rings. One cost a fortune and was made by a goldsmith for me, the other was a few hundred from a local jeweller and iirc I paid something towards it. Guess which man I'm still married to?

This 👍

When DH and I went ring shopping I asked the budget. He went a bit pale and said "whatever it costs" (God love him!).

I wouldn't have taken the piss anyway but I found my perfect ring (Victorian gold "flower ring" with sapphire and diamonds) for £400 and we're going to the Ivy tomorrow to celebrate our silver wedding.

But going back to the OP, ignoring the budget, it does sound a bit like a panic buy which is a shame snd begs the question: would you rather be "presented" with an engagement ring or choose your own?

We earns well over 6 figures and my engagement ring was £1000

at the time my husband said it was a ring just till I got something else. But I love it because he chose it and it doesn’t ever bother me.

Just because someone proposes doesn't mean you are obliged to accept. If you don't like the ring because you feel it shows the proposer doesn't really care/ doesn't actually know who you are/ doesn't share the same view of the future as you then you can say no/ change your mind before the wedding/ have a discussion about the ring and change it. The possibilities are endless. If she is wanting a champagne lifestyle when all she has is a lemonade budget then she has made a whole lot of poor choices. The ring is simply one of those choices.

Money does not equal thought and I feel that is what you are equating thought to.

It doesn't matter how much the ring costs. Its more about why he chose it. You say its not your friends style but did her DH know her ring preferences? He chose what he liked for her and that is what counts really. You don't know how much thought it put into it, how long he took to decide, how many places he went to etc. He could have spent ages debating and in the end though money doesn't matter for the perfect (in his eyes) ring.

I wouldn't have even looked or known how much my engagement ring cost but because I was there when he DH bought it I knew. We chose it together. 100% not the style I always said I liked etc. Way left field and the ring he chose for my to try on. Sometimes our DH know better than us.

awful outlook on life

My engagement ring cost about €500 euro , it's a vintage ring which I picked and love. I think spending €€€€ on a ring is madness. A friend of mine went ring shopping with her fiance and they spent obscene amounts on a ring and I think its a bit tacky . But I don't know if that's just because she's very in your face about it and the cost.

And people say advertising doesn't work. 😉

If both parties are happy about it who cares? People might judge me because if don't have a wedding or an engagement ring, but who cares? It really doesn't impact anyone else.

Mine was free as my husband inherited it from his gran. He must really not love me then if love is only based on how much a ring cost

Yep - I mean, it is pretty but a weird boast.

About 20 years ago the 'going rate' was 2 months' salary. But it was really just for guidance.

The cost truly does not matter as long as thought was put into it to make sure that it's in a design the recipient likes.

I've been married twice. First ring at 23. Small victorian flower shape of tiny diamonds. Not expensive. Loved it. That marriage sadly didn't last .Second marriage still going strong. Got engaged at 38. Large ruby surrounded by diamonds. Much bigger, much more expensive with a lifestyle to go with it. However.....I have a piece of costume jewellery ( a large oval 'opal' with a 'diamond' either side set in a silver band). It cost £82.00 from a jewellery stall at our local Spring show. I bought it for myself because I loved it. It's beautiful . No one ever comments on my genuine diamond and ruby engagement ring but ,if I wear the totally fake one, someone will comment everytime about how beautiful it is. They assume its real. I've stopped buying real stuff now. Costume jewellery that's not so huge that it obviously can't be real but is big enough to look the right level of 'fancy' is a brilliant way to go. If it gets stolen I will be sad because I have some lovely pieces. Financially it won't matter.

This. You've bought into the 1947 ad from De Beers. 77 years later and people somehow believe it's a convention, rather than a very successful marketing campaign. Before the ad there was no fixed amount, and very few women got a diamond ring.

If the price tag is more important than the symbolism of the ring perhaps an engagement shouldn't happen.
I bought a ring for a tenth of the price compared to a friend..we are still together..they are not and he got in massive debt to give a lifestyle that was unsustainable.

If you really love that person, cost doesn’t matter. 🤷‍♀️