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Original poster

How much are you able to help your DC when they start adult life?

109 replies

Verbena193 · 12/11/2024 17:56

My parents very kindly paid for university, a house deposit, driving lessons and a first car.

We're not as well off as they were and university has now tripled in cost since I went. We have £10k saved for DS, he's 16. I feel awful that we can't give him the same start in life.

What are you hoping to be able to help your DC with?

OP posts:
AperolWhore · 12/11/2024 18:00

My daughter currently has circa 20k in an isa which we will continue to add too until she’s 18, she’s almost 5 so a long time to add to it and half will be earmarked for a house and the rest uni or travel.

We will pay for lessons and a car but will expect her to get a part time job to put petrol in etc

ExperiencedTeacher · 12/11/2024 18:07

I will support with university and driving lessons but I don’t envisage paying a house deposit or buying a car.

IAmNeverThePerson · 12/11/2024 18:13

Driving lessons, use of a car whilst living at home. Our goal is to get the through uni (if that is their choice) debt free. Won’t do house deposit either.

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Patienceinshortsupply · 12/11/2024 18:18

We paid for driving lessons/first car; have helped out with expenses in their new homes like paying for carpets; have taken out a car loan in our names for adult DD when hers broke down and she couldn't afford to replace it (medical student). Paid towards a wedding and have told the other DC that we'll do the same for them. We do whatever we can to make their lives easier.

EverythingElseIsTaken · 12/11/2024 18:44

I got diddly swat from my parents. I was predicted great A level results and wanted to go to uni. I was told that from 18 I would be expected to support myself and pay rent. Has to leave school, got job, saved up, left home and bought house at 19, paid for my own driving lessons etc. etc. Parents were fairly wealthy. One died, other then remarried and left everything to new wife. No inheritance for me or siblings.

As a result I am determined to give my DC as much as I can. Paid DDs way through uni, paid for driving lessons, helped with car purchase, helped with first rental property. If they need something they know they can ask us. We won’t just had them cash for a luxury holiday but we will always help them while we can.

Haruka · 12/11/2024 18:46

I am a single mother and as such have very little I have been able to save for support. One of my children wants to study in London and I have already had to say that's nigh on impossible with our finances, even if they got a job.

I did not get any help, either. There were a few savings that I had built up myself before university, but I went to uni at a time when grants and less than 3k fees were still a thing and that helped massively. So it'll be food parcels, some basics for an independent household, but other than that DC will have to make their own way, likely at a nearby university they'll have to travel to from home or that has reasonably cheap accommodation nearby.

Cattery · 12/11/2024 18:53

We paid for driving lessons, oldest son’s deposit for a flat and furnished it for him

Beezknees · 12/11/2024 18:54

Financially, nothing unless I have a lottery win. I am a lone parent and don't even own my own home, let alone be able to help DS buy one!

One thing that I can give him, that I didn't have, is a roof over his head as long as he needs it. He can live at home while he saves up for his own house deposit, or whatever he wants to buy. He'll have to contribute to bills as I can't afford to feed and clothe another adult for free but not a huge amount.

He'll be entitled to the maximum student loan for university and if he needs more will have to get a job.

RissiOne · 12/11/2024 18:58

I hope we are in a position where we will be able to support without spoiling, one of them has SEN so will always need a greater level of support than the other, but I will endeavour to treat them equally.

We are likely to be able to match what they save and as long as they are working hard we will support them.

mycatsanutter · 12/11/2024 18:58

I was a single mum whilst my 3 oldest were growing up and I wasn't in a position to save for them . I helped out by paying for train tickets and always sending them back with a food shop . My oldest has worked from the age of 17 and now runs his own successful business , built up purely by himself .

DrMadelineMaxwell · 12/11/2024 19:03

Well I had zero help from my parents at their age. No help with driving lessons, or car. No help with a house deposit.

I've made sure I've paid for the DD's driving lessons until they passed, helped with a bit of money at uni and am squirreling away a small amount monthly to be able to help with some of the costs when they come to buy their own home, but it won't be a deposit. Maybe a couple of k towards buying things for their home instead.

Overthebow · 12/11/2024 19:12

We didn’t get any help from my parents or in-laws. We’ve managed to get ourselves into a position where we can afford to save a decent amount for our 2 DC, so we are aiming to be able to top up money for university, pay for things like driving lessons and first car and a house deposit each (or contribution if they want a larger deposit).

Spendysis · 12/11/2024 19:16

Paid for driving lessons dd first car ds moped helped with dd rent at uni

Never got a penny from dm didn't expect it as she was a single parent she lived quite frugally so saved quite a lot. Dsis has had numerous loans to be bailed out from overspending that have never been paid back. We were hoping to gift dc house deposits if we got inheritance from dm but I doubt that will happen now due to a family fallout regarding dsis helping herself to dm money and I believe she has convinced her to change her will and dsis has recently done an equity release on dm house and spent the money herself so I doubt there will be anything left by the time dm passes away

Will help them out as best we can

banhmi · 12/11/2024 19:16

When people say they will provide a house deposit, how much are they envisioning? This might have to be a six figure sum in some areas!

reluctantbrit · 12/11/2024 19:17

DD has a saving account from the grandparents, opened at birth, originally just for driving lessons and a car but it grew quite a lot.

We will support her through uni and will get a second car she can use when at home.

No house deposit, that's so far in the future, no idea where she will end up.

My mum was originally planning to leave a bit of money for her but she is in a care home so it is a big question mark on how much of her estate is left when she passes away but I promised that I will give funds to DD.

LittleRedRidingHoody · 12/11/2024 19:17

I'll have saved enough by the time DS is an adult to (hopefully!) cover uni, travelling/gap year, driving lessons, car, house deposit.... I've budgeted accordingly and strictly funnel a chunk away every month.

That being said, it's on the condition he doesn't act like an entitled twat about it 😂 I definitely want DS to have more than I did growing up, but can't stomach the idea of having a spoilt brat, so we'll see what happens!

MoonKiss · 12/11/2024 19:21

Ours will have about £25-30k from those Child Trust Funds the government did for a few years. We will pay for driving lessons and rent if they go to uni but it’s on them to buy cars and they’ll need to get part time jobs. I’m hoping they’ll use it to buy a car, travel a bit, and invest some towards a house deposit (one will likely do this, the other will probably go indefinite backpacking!)

Helpagirlout222 · 12/11/2024 19:23

Oh this makes me so sad that I can't help as much as I'd want to.
Can fund driving lessons and that will be about it!

bluebee17 · 12/11/2024 19:25

When my husband sold he's company we put 200k aside for our daughter who 6 at the moment

bluebee17 · 12/11/2024 19:29

20k

Overthebow · 12/11/2024 19:40

banhmi · 12/11/2024 19:16

When people say they will provide a house deposit, how much are they envisioning? This might have to be a six figure sum in some areas!

Around £40k each for house deposit contributions (plus inflation) and they can add to it themselves too. If they don’t go to uni there will be more.

Anisty · 12/11/2024 19:53

Well we had 5 kids and aren't that well off but we started savings plans for each of them at birth.

Dd1 left home at 18 with about 8k i think in 2011. She paid for all her own driving lessons from a Saturday job she had at 17.

We did not support her at all beyond the 8k.

DS1 left home at 18 also in 2015 with a similar amount. Again made his own way after that. He didn't learn to drive til he was about 26. His partner taught him so he saved a few quid there.

DS 2 is still at home, disabled and on full disability benefits. In some supported employment. What we saved for him is there untouched. He will never be able to drive.

DS3 left home at 17 in 2020 and blew the 10k we set him off with within a year! He spent 2 hard summers working to recoup funds. Again, paid all his own driving lessons.
Then came back home to live in 2023. We charge him rent. He works.

DD2 still at college at here at home. She is 17 but her savings plan is up to nearer the 20k.

Beyond that, we will expect her to make her own way like the others. She already works weekends and pays for her own riding lessons.

Ponderingwindow · 12/11/2024 21:37

We paid for DD’s driving lessons and first car. We are also paying to insure and run it. Given where we live, having her independent to drive is as much for our benefit as for hers.

we are going to cover as much of her university as possible. She wants to go into a niche field that requires extra education. Depending upon how much it all ends up costing we may or may not be able to cover all of it. If there is money left over we will help with a house deposit. If not, we will let her live in our house as long as she is saving for a house deposit.

we are covering a larger portion of her spending money now so that she can start making pension contributions from her part-time job wages. We wanted to instill the habit of saving for retirement and starting early will help her money grow.

StarDolphins · 12/11/2024 21:42

I won’t be able to give a house deposit (although she will inherit the house, no way I will ever go in a home so she will definitely get the house. I will also pay for her driving lessons & first car - as long as it’s a banger!

FioFioSILK · 05/09/2025 19:23

Absolutely shocking. This ought to be taken to a solicitor it's financial abuse. And changing a will in her favour while she's not fit and competent.