How much are you able to help your DC when they start adult life?

[Verbena193]

My parents very kindly paid for university, a house deposit, driving lessons and a first car.

We're not as well off as they were and university has now tripled in cost since I went. We have £10k saved for DS, he's 16. I feel awful that we can't give him the same start in life.

What are you hoping to be able to help your DC with?

Structural gender inequalities in the UK labour market and pension system lead to women paying more student loan interest over their lifetimes and accumulating significantly lower pension wealth. These issues are largely from women's lower average lifetime earnings, which are heavily influenced by the "motherhood penalty" , as I said before. You can't quantify "how much" because every woman is different, but it's a notable amount and well documented.

I didn't get that - paid for own wedding, mortage and uni support was getting me there and back and some groceries and books - money came from grants, loans and working. There also got me down to new location for work and helped with one move. Had some money gist in drib and very welcome drabs post kids from my parents.

I got some driving lessons as brithday/christmas gifts but most I paid for - and then wasn't allowed to drive only car.

Our kids - have way more stuff leaving for uni - kitchen good/clothes- and we and DGP have saved fair between us £10,000 - and we're in wales so older two not a bad deal with loans and still some grant. We pay for phones and guarantee for flats - parents never had to do that.

No car - no reason for them to drive for a few years but which time they can pay for it. I do have guilt it's hard to get them up to uni - we take a lot on train and send rest up. DD1 then sorted storage and then in same flat for last two years. Have to see how DS navigates same situation. I do try and get them some food as well thoughout year.

House deposit - they may inhert from IL - and if I do from Dmum they may benefit from hand outs.

We also have some saving ear marked for getting them to and from uni and post uni - that's when I went into debt - and DH had Il help - first deposit month rent and then clothes/transport to get into first professional jobs.

We'll have them back post uni for further study or finding work.

We can't really do more - and frankly some of the expectations on here about what most parents do are really far off the mark and more about their social circles.

I do wonder about the house deposit as being a good option too, having seen the costs rising so much for works. What used to be a few thousand for a new bathroom or kitchen install is now well into tens of thousands. I think people have recognised we have a trade shortage since Brexit and are charging a lot more, which sets the cost for the future. I know someone who rents after having had a house and she now says not having a house has cut cost/maintenance bills so much she isn't sure she would get another mortgage.

2 kids got 12k each in Junior ISAs when they were 18. We've paid driving lessons and bought small old car for them to share. We pay running costs. Couldn't manage to support both at uni, so they have taken tuition loan and minimum maintenance loan. We pay accommodation (which will be 16k this year!), so they should be able to save some of the maintenance loan. and they both have substantial savings from part time/summer jobs. If we end up inheriting from my parents I hope to be able to give them a house deposit.

I put 200 monthly away
will help with a house deposit

I won’t encourage uni unless absolutely needed for career. As there are so many ways to make money.
His dad said will inject 100k into a company/franchise if he wants to do this

We’re very lucky we’ll be able to find driving/wedding/uni (although likely with loans) and a significant (probably six figure) house deposit for ours if our current plans pan out.

If you can’t then you can’t and I’m sure most people are doing their best to give their kids the best start in life.

I do find it odd though when parents are insistent on being a SAHM or having more kids when it’s the difference between providing these things and not, seems very selfish to me. We may stop at two kids ourselves in order to give the ones we have the best possible start.

I live mortgage free so don't charge much monthly housekeeping costs from ds. From that he can save quite well. No family support whatsoever in terms of family money though so it will be very hard for ds to even buy a modest flat but he is working towards it nonetheless. At least we live in a cheap part of the country which helps a bit.

Single parent here.

DD is 12 and has just over £21k that she has no clue about (saved in my name).

Aim will be to fund driving lessons and possibly first car separate to any savings I put together. Plus I will have to pay a chunk towards living costs at uni as she will get minimum loan.

Manage to put around £300 a month away, I put in £100, her dad does and her dad claims the CB and that goes in the pot too. I can dip into it for big expenses but tend not too. Hope to be able to give her around £35k towards a house deposit (which would go a long way towards a property around here).

scottish so no uni fees but will fund upkeep at uni and about £70k each for house deposit.

I had saved ~£30k for DD over the years which she received when she turned 18. She’s 21 now - in hindsight I wish I wouldn’t have given it to her at such a young age as over half of it has gone on travelling, plus it meant she didn’t feel the need to get a job for far too long! Comparing it to what most MN parents seem to have saved in trust for their children it feels minuscule but it’s all I could do as a single mum on an average income. She’ll receive a similar sized chunk of money when DM (very elderly) passes away. I hope by that point she’ll have matured a bit more and it will be spent/saved more wisely!

I intentionally downsized my car when she turned 17 so that we could share it. Although this is inconvenient at times there is absolutely no way that I could afford to help with cost/upkeep of a second. I pay insurance for both of us and fully funded all of her driving lessons (£40/week for 6 months🫠).

@Motnight My DHs parents were assessed as being required to pay some of his maintenance at university but they didn’t pay what was required and bought a colour tv and caravan instead. DH as a 18/21 year old wasn’t impressed. As for giving money to us for a house deposit - no chance. We had to pay for everything but it was much easier than now. We didn’t intend to behave in a miserly way towards our dc.

The number of people repaying their student loan in full will be higher now that the repayment period has been extended to 40 years and the repayment threshold frozen at 25k.

We have done driving less for 17th birthday and bought a basic car for dd. She paid for insurance herself. Will do same for ds.
They have an about £5000 from us to start them off to save towards a deposit. Not much but it has got dd in the habit of adding to it every month since she was 18. I encouraged her to get a life time isa as soon as she was 18 and put £100 in there to start her off. She has worked full time since 18 and we said she doesn’t have to pay rent as long as she’s saving minimum of £150 per month into isa, she usually does more.

2 years ago I started them both a pension too, I only pay £10 each into it for them. Dd has work pension. Ds is at school. Trying to get them into good habits and will pay something in every month until ds is working.

I'm single and a lot depends on how long I work for. I could be made redundant this year. Waiting for a major reorg to finish. If I can continue for another 5 years on 3.5 days I will then move and downsize and give my children a chunk. I hope to help with uni if they even bother to go. Also depends on whether I inherit. I'm assuming not for prudent sake.
I'm maxing out my own pension and ISAs now.so that my income remains good when I do retire.
I am also putting the max into a SIPP for each of them as well as JISAs each. They also contribute 20% of any cash they are given.
I was helped considerably by my.parents and want to do the same.

Bank of mum and dad seems never ending here. 🙈

paid for driving lessons, bought a car, she lived at home during uni so apart from free food was fairly cheap for 3 years, we’ve saved 30k for her for a house deposit, she got made redundant so has been home rent free for 8 months. and I’m paying for everything such as haircuts, etc. Paid for a course in Italy for her for a month (job related) which was expensive and then a months accommodation in Florence wasn’t cheap!

About to support her through a 2 years masters which is going to cost us at least 1k a month for her rent. She’ll get student finance (normal undergraduate student loan, but minimum amount ) so I’m hoping she’ll manage for day to day living expenses off that. But currently needs a laptop, a laptop bag, winter coat, all necessary living stuff (kitchen stuff, etc) for moving out.

Im hoping in 2 years time she gets a job and that will be that but im not holding my breath!

Financially whatever we can afford at the time, they do have savings we pay into but won't be a huge amount.
Car or lessons will be supported however possible.
I personally feel teaching them how to manage money, budgets, learning about helpful things like interest rates, how mortgages work etc is also very valuable and much more than my parents gave me which was £0.

Mine got £10k each to supplement their student loans, I then gave them £150 a month for food. My parents gave them £2k each too to help with university. I got zero (full grant, yes I’m old enough)

I feel my parents were not the best at giving financial advice/planning - I’d like to think we have helped our kids understand how to manage their money, how to save, how to plan, make decisions that are financially responsible. We provided them with a weekly income at uni, they never needed to get into debt, they stuck within their allocated budget. They have borrowed money from us to buy a car and it take 10 months for them to pay it back - whilst leaving them with an emergency fund to cover unexpected costs. We could give them more but I don’t think it would teach them financial responsibility and whilst money may not make you happy - being financially vulnerable can be very stressful - I know because I was for too many years. They know we could afford to bail them out of trouble but we expect them to learn not to get into that trouble in the first place. Money does matter - it’s not everything but it’s something.

We paid driving lessons,insurance,accommodation at uni ,phones ,holidays etc for both step dd’s and will give both £20k towards a house deposit .
holidays with partners and whole family for years after uni.
we have stopped funding completely now as it was getting ridiculous.
Sdd1 still feels we have contributed nothing but sdd 2 is very grateful .
our dd will have the same and is eternally grateful too.

We got nothing from our parents

@Goldplatedhinges Are they in weekly paid jobs as graduates? Ours learnt how to budget monthly as they had at school. It’s not wrong to have managed student debt. The overdrafts are cheap and often big expenses come at the start of a term plus there are bills which are not weekly. Mine needed money for subs for clubs and sports memberships at the beginning of term. It didn’t bother me as long as it was manageable and mortgages are very big loans!

We paid his driving lessons and then a third of his Uni living costs, another third came from his student loan and the final third from his savings (from a small inheritance from his grandparent).

When he left Uni and moved away to a new city for his first proper job, we did a lot of leg work with finding him a flat, we paid his flat deposit, and we did a few runs in the car taking him to view flats and then to move him and his stuff over there. We also gave him our old car so he had his own transport (worth £1k!) and not have to buy his own car. Part of moving him in was paying for quite a bit of house stuff such as first big food shop, cleaning materials, bits and pieces of furniture, fixtures and fittings, microwave, kettle, vacuum, bedding, etc. We went halves on furniture like sofa, bed, desk, drawer units, etc.

All in all, not much financially, but more a matter of helping him out practically to ease the transition and getting him set up to look after himself.

Looking forward, we'll be giving him a lump sum as a house deposit when he comes to want to buy his own home, but we'll be doing a "match", i.e. we'll give him the same amount that he saves up for himself.

Financially, nothing.

We don't own our home so they won't have that as inheritance either.

However, they'll have a home with us as long as they want or need one.

These posts are pointless as all they do is make people feel inadequate if they can’t do the same as those doing a lot for DC.
Everyones financial situations are different, may have had different starts in life, may have had inheritance. May have married someone in a good salary.
We can’t compare. There’s no point.
All you can ever do is the best you can for DC. Any help they get is better than nothing.

I have each of my DC £1k for their 18th. We bought driving lessons for 17th birthdays and helped with cost of first car and insurance. I also paid for cost of DS1 doing HGV driving lessons and tests. I've helped DD with uni costs so she didn't need to take a loan and with nursery fees for both DGC and bought her a car when her old one engine blew up because she needed it to get to work and collect kids from nursery/school. I didn't give her deposit though. I've been able to help my 2 X DS's out with deposits. Different amounts. Eldest DS got £10k and we paid his legal costs. I also bought him a washing machine and table and chairs. Youngest DS got £55k for deposit and paid for legal fees. Youngest got more as he bought close to us and more expensive, he doesn't have a partner to help with mortgage cost. We have made will to reflect he had more help. I do gifting of each DC getting £1k each per year. I'm allowed to gift £3k in total so I split it equally. My own Dad offered my sister's and I either a big 18th birthday party or a car. My sister's all chose the car but I chose the big party. Dad let me borrow money for my first car and I paid every penny back to him. Dad gave me £3k towards deposit for house over 40 years ago. Parents paid full cost for my wedding.