Words you won't tolerate from 'friends'

[Perzival]

Inspired by the thread that is currently running about a teacher who used a derogatory word about SEN children to her friend, I'm just wondering what language or words if used by a friend would cause you to end a friendship?

I've been in a similar position to the other poster regarding use of the r word (I have a severly disabled child). So, what language pushes your buttons and would you accept any language if used in a joke?

I wasnt even being racist, I just said how I sometimes use the P word but not in a racist way, just as a descriptor.
Isnt it just short for Pakistani?

@CowboyJoanna "I wasnt even being racist, I just said how I sometimes use the P word but not in a racist way, just as a descriptor.
Isnt it just short for Pakistani?"

Yes-but in the same way that the n word is just describing a colour.

If you’re a fluent English speaker you know full well it’s not just an abbreviation of the country, and if by utter naivety you’ve missed this information (which I doubt), no it’s offensive and racist and using it makes you racist so you know now.

"FFS" I already know the kind of peple they are. Thats why we're friends.

Oh come on now. You know it's racist. It's never not been racist. The N would is more nuanced if you're black.

Oh you don't mind racists. Nice to know.

but not everyone shows their true colours from the start, surely you can comprehend that?

I was very close friends with a woman for a year when I first heard her use the word ‘spastic’. It shocked me so much as it was so unexpected coming from her, that I let it slide. Over the coming weeks it opened my eyes to a lot of views of hers that she had hidden very well, which along with continued use of the word alongside ‘retarded’ meant that I ended the friendship with her. She felt it was very sudden and unexpected and was very angry. But it showed me a very different side of her that I was unaware of up until then.

How about you stop asking me if I can "comprehend" things.
Your experiences of friendship have nothing to do with me or mine, so it might be useful if you didn't conflate the two.

You may have a year long "close" friendship that ended after a shocking comment, but my closest friends have been exactly that for over 20 years.
We are well beyond hiding anything, or as per my OP, policing anything.

Either you're not very bright or you're being delibery hyperbolic in order to attention seek.

Either way, I'd probably prefer a racist.

You’re the one conflating things though. Your original post said you’d end a friendship if they started “policing speech”, which is what you are implying people like me are doing by ending friendships with people who use disgusting derogatory language. We aren’t policing speech, we are just deciding that someone isn’t who we thought they were after finding something out that we did not know about them.

I also ended a friendship of 30 years when he I was having difficulties with my son before he was diagnosed with multiple complex special needs, and the friend said “well it’s not as if he’s “spethal” is it?” (emphasis on “special” being said in a derogatory manner). Was I “policing his language” too? 🙄

Lol, nothing I have said has anything to do with you.
I wasn't even aware of your existence before you started quoting me so you can rest assured that you aren't a concern.

Definitely comprehension issues then 😂 because nowhere did I ask if I was a concern. But if you genuinely think that you saying “I’d end a friendship if they started policing my speech” isn’t implying that that’s what people like me and others on this post have done, you’re clearly not very bright.

Princess, I wouldnt be friends with people like you.

If I do ever come across a friend who decides to police my speech, it will be my fault for not weeding them out sooner at the aquaintance stage.

Fabulous as I wouldn’t be friends with people like you either, who think that “people like me” should tolerate the words spastic and retard being used around my severely disabled son 🥰 glad we cleared that up!

I would not be friends with people using the N word of P word. Not even if they were 90

I think I made it clear early on that I wasn’t thinking about you until you decided to quote me. You’re still an anonymous maker of noise without any particular rhyme or reason.

For clarity, I don’t give a shit what you tolerate, who you tolerate, or what you will and won’t tolerate.
It’s utterly irrelevant so why on gods earth you think that my friendships are anything to do with your tolerance levels is beyond me.

If you have “friends” who got close enough to you to use the words spastic and retard around your disabled son then your cunt-radar is broken.
That’s your problem and has absolutely fuckall to do with my friendships or my opinion on policing speech.
Take your baggage away from my doorstep and enjoy your evening.

Fuck. Cunt. Shit.

I can use big bad words too. No need to get quite so angry at an “anonymous maker of noise” is there?

(Ps, I hate to break it to you, but guess what you are to me…😂)

You're the one who said that you would never get offended by anything friends might say to you. Your friends could turn round tomorrow and say really awful things - you might think they’re not capable of doing it, but people surprise us all the time. People are married for 50 years believing their partner would never, ever cheat. But you genuinely believe that your friends would never say anything to offend you? Bless.

You would prefer a racist. Wow. MN is has hit a real low.if this is the calibre of argument.
@mumsnet this is what engaging with the Daily Mail has resulted in for all these years. Well done. Hope it was worth it.

Oh I say!

Would anybody care for a nice cup of tea?

Can I have a biscuit with mine please? 🥰

None that I can think of.

It would depend on context and intention.

@TodayThisName I'm finding this thread very interesting. Would you mind saying-are there contexts where you would be OK with a friend referring to someone as a faggot? Or the nword?

Of course you can, sit back, dunk and watch the show 😀

I can't think of any.

@TodayThisName Fair enough. It was you saying "None that I can think of.
It would depend on context and intention."in response to the OP that prompted my question.