Words you won't tolerate from 'friends'

[Perzival]

Inspired by the thread that is currently running about a teacher who used a derogatory word about SEN children to her friend, I'm just wondering what language or words if used by a friend would cause you to end a friendship?

I've been in a similar position to the other poster regarding use of the r word (I have a severly disabled child). So, what language pushes your buttons and would you accept any language if used in a joke?

I wouldn’t terminate a friendship over words.

We have one friend (I say that loosely - he’s the husband of a friend and not someone we would be friends with otherwise) who runs the full gamut of offensive terms. You name it, he says it. He probably does it for attention as much as due to ignorance, so we ignore it.

In fact @dcbgr I think it is quite ageist to suggest that older people aren't able to help themselves using bigoted language.

@GetrudeCoppard why bother seeing him though? I am lucky that I have more than enough friends so have no need to hang on to wankers.

Family originally from a northern mill town, many years down south. The P word is not tolerated, nor are many others but that's the only one that has, so far, been shut down.

I don't police peoples language - they can say whatever they like, but that doesn't mean I have to be around them to hear it. I stopped seeing a friend that repeatedly used retard and spastic as an insult. I told him I find it offensive and the next time I'd had enough and now I'm done with him.

It’s not about how many friends we have. It’s because his wife is a dear friend. I try to see her alone, but sometimes we do dinners with her husband. They don’t have many friends apart from us and one other couple and I do the right thing by her, even though he’s an absolute tool.

I wouldn’t want to be friends with anyone who used racist, ableist or homophobic language. If a dear friend suddenly came out with something offensive, it would be very out of character and I’d be worried about them.
I cut the very old a bit more slack, as they may not realise that some words are now considered offensive, but it really depends on their attitude or intent.

Just because your homophobia slurs are twee doesn’t make them funny.

I do, yes.

I’m surprised some people wouldn’t end a friendship over racist/homophobic etc. words. Yes they’re part of that person’s personality, and it points to them having an angry, hateful and ignorant personality which I don’t want in my friends

Not a friend but someone I dated used the P word and Ch word and saw nothing wrong with them. I hadn’t heard those words said out loud since I was a kid. Left immediately as I just couldn’t stay in his company.

@PrincessPeache wow.

When I was younger (I'm late 40) it was only certain people who used those words.

BUT no one in my circles.

As I've got older I rarely hear it.

I work in education and again when I first started I used to hear it albeit rarely and now rarer still.

My husband's sister said a word once and it fits with my in laws and their values.

Exactly this. People can say what they want but I don’t have to expose me and my SEN child to language like that.

• I'VE also explained kindly why I don't like it and those that still use it....like sil...

I do I tell people why it's not nice and explain why.

Unless it was personally offensive to me then I'd let it slide.

I used a word for a meatballs we used to have for lunch most Saturdays when I was a child and was met by outrage by my teens…

None that I can think of. Strikes me as an absurd reason to end a genuine friendship.

Is this because you support trans and would not want to be considered a terf 🙂

I would. What comes out of their mouth has been generated by their brain, and I won't have people who think like that in my life.

I can’t imagine why racist, homophobic or ableist language or opinions wouldn’t be personally offensive to anyone tbh unless that person had the same views.

I genuinely don't think it's arisen with my friends. I think they are generally very respectful as are my family.

Context is everything, using a word that you don't realise is offensive or has been in your vocabulary for so long it lost its original meaning is easily forgiven. By contrast I have a colleague who wouldn't use derogatory words but makes nasty comments about 'the foreigners' which I find offensive and I limit interactions with her.

I can't stand class based slurs and chat which perpetuates negative stereotyping of people from particular socioeconomic backgrounds. It makes me feel sick and really think less of the person doing it: the ch** word, "these people", "not helping themselves" kind of thing.
I've a couple of friends who share this particular prejudice and I die a little bit inside whenever they forget themselves and let things slip which betray what is to me a really disappointing world view.

Cutted up pear

Yep, I was quite unreasonably pleased to see a pack of Brain's Faggots in the grocery shop's freezer 😂 Words getting unfairly stigmatised winds me up even more than people insisting on using 'banned words'.

Also see: Americans being horrified by the British uses of 'fag'!

😂😂😂