Page 5 | Anyone regretted an abortion?

YouFoundMe · 2024-11-03T21:24:15+00:00

Interested to know. Was just reading the BBC article about fertility rate dropping. I'm not in a position of aborting and I never would unless my life was at risk but I know many people do it and Im curious to know if anyone has regretted it after and why?

OchonAgusOchonOh · 04/11/2024 15:10

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/11/2024 15:05

Please call your abortion provider and ask them to refer you to counselling - they will and they are great. You need to talk through these feelings with a professional and find some peace with your decision which is what you thought was the best thing to do at the time, with the information you had at the time x

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That is excellent advice. @Moonandsunandskies you might also find it helpful

TrínaCheile · 06/11/2024 08:30

Moonandsunandskies · 04/11/2024 13:50

I have. Had on recently and The PAIN and feeling of regret is eating me up and I’m wondering if I’ll be ever able to forget and forgive myself. The fact that I’m in my late 30’s and a mum already it has made it harder. I belive people who haven’t had children yet and are young and free probably cope better and mostly don’t have regrets. It also depends and one’s sensitivity and beliefs. I never thought I will have to even contemplate such a decision and here I am - 3 weeks later, full of grief and not able to look at my other children thinking - I simply didn’t give this one a chance and I will always wonder ‘what if’. All the things that were my reasons for it seem completely ridiculous now and if I could turn back time I would still be pregnant and will be holding my baby next summer . I have never felt worst and all I do is cry and hate myself for what I’ve done.

I promise you it gets easier. The feeling of regret or “what if” might not leave, it certainly hasn’t left me, but it gets easier.
Time is a healer.

UrbanDieter · 06/11/2024 08:38

No, can't say I think about it. I was married had a job and children. I didn't want another child & it would have impacted my finances.

Remainprivate · 26/03/2025 12:18

Manchesterbythesea · 04/11/2024 09:00

Yeah I regret mine hugely. Don’t live in the uk so had to travel. I was only 18 and wish so much I’d told someone and got some help. My boyfriend at the time really didn’t want a baby (understandable I know!) I just think if it had been up to me and I’d been stronger I would have had the baby. I regretted it then (26 years ago) and I regret it now. Have had counseling not that long ago to try and get some kind of peace but I dunno..it’s very hard. I have 4 kids and often wonder about the older half sibling they would have.

I'm the same I'm 57 and was 16 still regret and constantly think about it

CurlewKate · 26/03/2025 13:09

I am always very wary of posts like this, I am sorry to say. But I do think it is important to remember that you can have regrets about something that was entirely and absolutely the right thing to do. You can regret being in the position of needing an abortion without for a second regretting having the abortion.

Hameda · 04/09/2025 01:57

I had an abortion 40 years ago,it still upsets me as l had nobody to talk to then.lm still mourning.

Wildflowerswildhorses · 04/09/2025 02:17

LavenderFields7 · 03/11/2024 21:44

It was the right decision. But I still wonder what would have happened if I’d kept it. And I wonder if there is a heaven whether it’s waiting for me or something. I feel a bit of guilt. But at the same time relief that I didn’t have to be a single mother at 21 and raise a child in poverty.

I feel exactly the same. Had mine at 23 and I'm now 72.

Tryingmum456 · 04/09/2025 02:59

No regrets at all. I was sad at the time as it’s not a very nice thing to have to go through, but I have not one regret. I made the right decision then, for once in my life.

Newfigtree · 04/09/2025 08:21

CurlewKate · 26/03/2025 13:09

I am always very wary of posts like this, I am sorry to say. But I do think it is important to remember that you can have regrets about something that was entirely and absolutely the right thing to do. You can regret being in the position of needing an abortion without for a second regretting having the abortion.

I’m always wary of comments like this.
Reminds me of when trans people first started having transition surgery and it was very much not okay for anyone to confess they regretted the surgery. They were shunned from the trans community as though they were some kind of traitor.

Fetchthevet · 04/09/2025 12:54

Hameda · 04/09/2025 01:57

I had an abortion 40 years ago,it still upsets me as l had nobody to talk to then.lm still mourning.

💐

Twoshoesnewshoes · 05/09/2025 09:06

For those in mourning- i think it can be helpful for some people to maybe name the child, and do something to mark the passing- buy a special candle to light, plant a rose bush etc. Even 40 years on.

Ahappybeaver · 02/10/2025 05:15

I had an abortion in 1994 infact my due date was on my 17th birthday. I hate that I let my parents and boyfriend let me do it. I didn't feel like I had a choice. I wanted my baby and it was the worst thing I have to ever e experienced in my life. I have had to live with it for 31 years knowing I killed my child. I have 2 boys with the same father and that makes me feel worse bc I can see what there brother would of looked like. I have regretted this from day ine and I will live with it for the rest of my life. How anybody can say they don't regret it .How can you not regret that? How do u feel ok with it. Not a form r Of birth control. I am forgiven by God but it's hard to forgive myself. I have forgiven my parents. I miss my child. I will forever be sorry for what I did. Joshua Owen my heart breaks I'm so sorry. I love you! 😪

redfairy · 02/10/2025 06:37

No, but that doesn't mean that I still don't stop to wonder how my life would be different had I continued with the pregnancy.

Freeatlast001 · 02/10/2025 06:58

GiddyRobin · 03/11/2024 22:50

The one where you turn up in hospital, having taken some pills the day before, they put you under and you wake up feeling groggy but otherwise okay? Morning sickness gone, a bit sore but perfectly fine? Nice cuppa and on your way. I felt absolutely fine, was watching telly and laughing two hours later.

Or the one you can do at home with two sets of pills? Bit more of a mess, I was with my friend when she took this option, but we just watched Harry Potter and ate chocolate. Passed the pregnancy, flushed, had a nap.

No drama. Both of us were back to work the next day, after a very long sleep and a takeaway. (Both at different times, I might add. We didn't have an abortion party.)

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Wow..just wow

Gettingbysomehow · 02/10/2025 07:25

I don't regret my two abortions. My boyfriend of the time it turned out sabotaged our contraception because he wanted kids. My opinion wasnt important. He was a scum bag and a liar and I do not regret not having his children and left him after the 2nd one.
Having his children would have ruined my life.
I had temporary hormonal sadness for a few weeks then felt nothing but relief.
They were hospital procedures under general anaesthetic back in the early 90s.

Ahappybeaver · 03/10/2025 08:00

Yes I do. I had one in 1994 and I regret it every day of my life.

Ahappybeaver · 03/10/2025 08:02

I had 2 sons with the same father . He didn't want the first one I aborted bc I had no support and I was 16. Everyday I see my boys it's a reminder that I killed their sibling.

dontcomeatme · 03/10/2025 08:06

I had severe guilt, I still do. Had an abortion at 18 due to pressure from the dad. I knew it was the wrong decision the whole way through but I didn't think I had a choice. I attempted suicide shortly after. And again a few years after that. I never dealt with it. Yes my situation was bad, the father was abusive who drank and took drugs. But I still carry guilt and can't even think about what I've done. I am very pro choice, and I have 2 kids now. But that wasn't my choice and for me it was the wrong choice. That's why I carry guilt. The decision was made for me. I hate myself for not being strong enough to stand up for my baby at the time x

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/10/2025 08:19

Nope. Had a cry about it but never wished i went ahead.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/10/2025 08:21

dontcomeatme · 03/10/2025 08:06

I had severe guilt, I still do. Had an abortion at 18 due to pressure from the dad. I knew it was the wrong decision the whole way through but I didn't think I had a choice. I attempted suicide shortly after. And again a few years after that. I never dealt with it. Yes my situation was bad, the father was abusive who drank and took drugs. But I still carry guilt and can't even think about what I've done. I am very pro choice, and I have 2 kids now. But that wasn't my choice and for me it was the wrong choice. That's why I carry guilt. The decision was made for me. I hate myself for not being strong enough to stand up for my baby at the time x

This is so sad
I’m so sorry.
it sounds like you had to do this to survive it’s not your fault.
if it is anyway helpful, imagine your mum was in a similar situation when she was 18, would you want her to risk her life and do it or do have an abortion and be free of him? You’d probably pick the second? Your ‘could have been’ baby would love and want the same for you x

gudetamathelazyegg · 03/10/2025 08:30

No regret - 3 years ago and I was 31. The only time I've ever been pregnant and the most upsetting thing was having to wait 2 weeks to get the pills by post, and trying to work and manage my team while knowing I didn't want to be pregnant. I went though MSI and they were amazing in fairness, really thorough and sensitive when they asked me about the reasons and checked I wasn't being coerced etc. Work were also great when it all got too much.

I was so so grateful when the pills arrived that I could be in my home with DH. My mum visited and made me a little care package bless her, she didn't want to be pregnant when she had me but she found out late. I think that experience and confiding in her brought me closer to both of them actually, because DH was incredible too. He immediately booked a vasectomy and 6 months later got that done so I could stop taking BC (which was messing with me in lots of ways).

I try and be open about it, and the ups and downs, because when I have other women open up and tell me about their experience. I am so glad I got the care I needed and I have no guilt at all. It is surreal to think about what if etc but I know I am happier childfree.

dontcomeatme · 03/10/2025 08:31

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/10/2025 08:21

This is so sad
I’m so sorry.
it sounds like you had to do this to survive it’s not your fault.
if it is anyway helpful, imagine your mum was in a similar situation when she was 18, would you want her to risk her life and do it or do have an abortion and be free of him? You’d probably pick the second? Your ‘could have been’ baby would love and want the same for you x

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@Unexpectedlysinglemum thank you 🥹 I know rationally it was the right decision. I know my life would be awful if I had kept it. I just can't shake the irrational feelings sometimes. Just an awful situation really, and at such a young age. Thank you for your reply though, it really means a lot x

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 03/10/2025 08:46

Scutterbug · 03/11/2024 21:50

My best friend did. She aborted twins in her early twenties. Never met anyone after that who she wanted a relationship with. Desperately wanted kids all through her 30s. Early 40s she was wracked with regret and turned to drink. The drink killed her.

I'm so sorry for your friend. I fear there will be many such cases like hers in the years to come.

I won't say what I really wish to say on the subject as I'd like to keep the peace (and my account).

I didn't want kids for a long time, I felt no maternal push to have them. All of that changed in my early 30s. After years of heartbreak, I'm nearly 17 weeks along with my first baby.

GiddyRobin · 03/10/2025 16:04

Freeatlast001 · 02/10/2025 06:58

Wow..just wow

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Sorry, would you prefer I lied and said I was an emotional mess, in physical agony for weeks, and still flagellating myself for it over a decade later?

Not a chance. I'm glad I did it. I've had an absolutely wonderful life because I did, and have two healthy, happy children to pour my love into. Wonderful husband, and no ties to an emotionally and financially unstable idiot who I'd have been sharing custody with all because my contraception failed.

I'm sorry for the women who've had different experiences, but this is mine. I wouldn't change my decision for anything in the world.