Anyone regretted an abortion?

[YouFoundMe]

Interested to know.

Was just reading the BBC article about fertility rate dropping.

I'm not in a position of aborting and I never would unless my life was at risk but I know many people do it and Im curious to know if anyone has regretted it after and why?

Yes, I do, every day. But I also don’t, as the decision was made at a point in time when it felt it was the right decision. Excruciatingly hard, but right.
It will always be the worst thing I have ever done. As time goes on it’s easier to question your past decision, which is not helpful.

It’s not always that black and white.

I beg to differ. It's important for women to see an antidote to the 'pro-life' rhetoric of termination always being a cause of regret and the implied, unsubstantiated links to later infertility (as we have already seen on this thread).

Op wants to know if we regret our decision. Most of us on page one do not regret.
Not regretting a big decision like this is just as valid as regretting.

I certainly do not regret my decision. It wasnt the right time.

@HerBloodIsLikeLiquidFire nothing strange about my question. I gave my view point but I was interested in other experiences.. what made people abort and if they regretted it or not.

You can answer yes or no to the question which is what I was expecting from the replies.

Thank you to those who replied, this wasn't meant to be a question to criticise anyone, I was just curious. It's ok to have different thoughts and opinions without it being considered 'strange'.

No regret at all... In fact I'm proud of the decision that 18year old me made.
Its not a easy choice but was definitely the correct one for me.

Do you have significant comprehension difficulties? I suggest you reread the OP.

No, OP, I don’t. Of close friends who’ve had terminations, no one regrets it, not even the friend who terminated an unplanned pregnancy aged 20 and then spent ten years trying to conceive with the same partner a decade later — she says it was the right decision at the time.

Yeah I regret mine hugely. Don’t live in the uk so had to travel. I was only 18 and wish so much I’d told someone and got some help. My boyfriend at the time really didn’t want a baby (understandable I know!) I just think if it had been up to me and I’d been stronger I would have had the baby. I regretted it then (26 years ago) and I regret it now. Have had counseling not that long ago to try and get some kind of peace but I dunno..it’s very hard. I have 4 kids and often wonder about the older half sibling they would have.

It's possible to have regrets about a decision that was nevertheless absolutely the right decision. Important to remember that.

What a crass title.

This is also a good point. Uncomfortable feelings of any kind (fears, regrets, what ifs, anger, envy etc) can be sat with. They’re not necessarily any indication a wrong decision was made. It’s very rare for any human emotion to be ‘pure’.

Are you new to Mumsnet? I wasn’t trying to be crass, just direct. This is an open forum, and I figured a straightforward question would get the clearest responses.

I have. Had on recently and The PAIN and feeling of regret is eating me up and I’m wondering if I’ll be ever able to forget and forgive myself. The fact that I’m in my late 30’s and a mum already it has made it harder. I belive people who haven’t had children yet and are young and free probably cope better and mostly don’t have regrets. It also depends and one’s sensitivity and beliefs. I never thought I will have to even contemplate such a decision and here I am - 3 weeks later, full of grief and not able to look at my other children thinking - I simply didn’t give this one a chance and I will always wonder ‘what if’. All the things that were my reasons for it seem completely ridiculous now and if I could turn back time I would still be pregnant and will be holding my baby next summer . I have never felt worst and all I do is cry and hate myself for what I’ve done.

57% of terminations are carried out for women who already have at least one child. If the majority of women having abortions were more prone to regret then due to already having children, we'd hear a lot more stories of regret.

Anecdotally, almost everyone I know with kids says it made them more pro-choice, and I've never heard the women I know who had abortions when they were already mothers say they regret it.

Yes, and i never said that I am not pro - choice. I would be a hypocrite if I said I’m not. But the question was - have you regretted it and I can honesty say that I do. I am glad I had a choice and I was able to access the facilities and receive great , non judgmental support and it is really important that we a a women have it. But at the same time- making that choice may be extremely difficult for some of us and it will have an impact on our lives. And yes, majority of procedures are done by women with existing children and I sadly know of many existing mothers who are feeling the guilt rather than relief.

Is it regret or guilt you're feeling (given you talk of women feeling 'the guilt rather than relief')? I don't believe having a termination should be a reason for anyone to feel guilty. We make the choice that is best for us and for the others in our lives.

I'm almost too old to be pregnant now, but not yet in menopause. I have three children already. If I were to get pregnant now I would certainly terminate. I might feel somewhat sad, but not guilty, as the impact of a pregnancy on all of us would mean that making that choice would be the right thing.

If the only people who responded were those who did regret it, some idiots would jump on this and go "Aha! Everyone who has an abortion goes on to regret it."

Very much so. PG hormones made me go a bit mental and filled me with such anxiety about having a child I terminated. I only realised what had happened when it was too late. It was utterly awful.

I don’t believe anyone should feel guilty either. But sadly I do, hence I’m sharing it. I shared my experience and my feelings - the mix of pain, grief, guilt, regret and who knows what else I’m am currently feeling. Just an overall emotional mess. It’s great to hear that for many women ( including yourself) it was the right decision and there are no regrets, I was hoping to be one of them too. :(

I don’t believe anyone should feel guilty either. But sadly I do, hence I’m sharing it. I shared my experience and my feelings - the mix of pain, grief, guilt, regret and who knows what else I’m am currently feeling. Just an overall emotional mess. It’s great to hear that for many women ( including yourself) it was the right decision and there are no regrets, I was hoping to be one of them too. :(

I don't think that's very helpful. The poster was referring to her own experience and feelings.

The research on this subject indicates those who feel regret are those who ultimately did not really want the abortion. They may have been pushed in to it by a partner or parents, they may have made a panicked decision without thinking it through fully or they may feel that due to circumstances (financial, housing, health etc) that the logical decision is to abort and go ahead without exploring all options.

I am pro-choice. However, that choice also includes the choice not to abort in circumstances where others might believe you should. I am a big advocate of non-directional counselling for any woman who is not 100% definite. The counselling should give the woman the opportunity to explore all options and to consider which is best for her in her current situation.

I think your friend might be my friend

No. I did have lots of sad 'what if' moments but overall the main feeling was relief

Please call your abortion provider and ask them to refer you to counselling - they will and they are great. You need to talk through these feelings with a professional and find some peace with your decision which is what you thought was the best thing to do at the time, with the information you had at the time x

It's interesting when you talk about your children's older half sibling, because I've often thought my children wouldn't exist if I hadn't had an abortion. My husband and I were very early on in our relationship when I fell pregnant, and I was still getting over my last relationship, so it was a bit messy. I really don't think we would have stayed together if we'd kept the first pregnancy, so wouldn't have gone on to have our two (and even if we had, they wouldn't be the children we have!)

The staff at the clinic I went to were so kind, your feeling of being cocooned really resonates!