Where is all this money coming from ?

[missybigmouth]

I'm anticipating a flaming and being told none of my business. This post is not about who earns the most. But might sound flavoured like it is.

Friend is single mum. She works FT and has a mortgage and bills but no credit what so ever. Me and DH earn a very good combined income. We also have mortgage and bills plus we have a lot of credit but make the pymts as needed, monthly credit pymts average around £200.

We eat out often (few times a month). But my friend eats out a lot. She is on her 5th dinner out in the last week. She regularly asks me to go with her. But I can't afford to eat out to that extent. Suddenly money is seemingly no object to her. I can't keep up. She's asking me for weekends away, spa days etc. I know for a fact she has no credit cards and she has not had an inheritance. Her parents are v old and are only on pensions. I'm pleased for her that she has money to spare. But I'm miffed as to where it is all coming from. And no I am not jealous.

Over the years we've gone out etc and we've had nights where we have both said we're a bit skint so let's have a night in together. I still say this but she now never says she can't afford anything.

My monthly household income is around £5k more than hers. Yes I have bigger bills and mortgage but not that much bigger.

She has not changed jobs. I'm just a bit miffed by it all

How on earth do you know that she has no credit cards? You seem to know an awful lot about her financial situation. Maybe she has lied. People don't always tell the truth about their financial situation to their friends. I have no idea whether any of my friends have credit cards, credit card debt, whether they have a mortgage and so on and so forth.

Maybe she's receiving more child maintenance. Maybe she has inherited (not from her parents). Maybe her parents have gifted her something. Maybe she's been promoted at work or received a bonus. Who knows?

It's none of your business but if you are earning as much as you say you are and can't afford meals out you should look at your own finances first.

Also, if you are going to use a word like "miffed", make sure you know what it means because if, as you claim, you thought it meant bemused/perplexed, you've presented yourself in a poorer light because you have no business being "miffed" about someone else's finances. If you had said "perplexed" it wouldn't have sounded quite as bad.

You sound jealous. That's really sad.
If she's such a close friend you know all this about her, ask her? You must feel comfortable enough.

Second to that, mind your own business.

Pay rise? I’ve not changed jobs but almost doubled my salary in the last 2-3 years. We have a lot more saving and ‘fun money’ then I ever thought possible.

Kindly, get a life where this stuff doesn’t bother you.

Maybe her mortgage is cheaper, she doesn’t have to pay credit card bills. Maybe ask her 😂

I do not spend money like your friend but I am a single parent on a low income.

I am questioned all of the time about how I can afford X, Y and Z.

It annoys me because the truth is, that the people questioning me have a lot more money but they are wasteful and don’t budget as strictly as me.

They also do things like have more holidays, buy more expensive food, takeaways, alcohol etc.
I strictly budget, buy second hand clothes, don’t have lots of gadgets or TV subscriptions etc.

I find that instead of people looking at themselves and wondering why they aren’t better with money, they instead wonder where my moneys coming from.

You have £5k more than her, that’s huge and there’s no reason why you can’t afford to do what she does.

We tend to spend within our means and the people who earn more, tend to spend a lot more whereas people who spend less are much more careful.

It's not about being grammatically correct, miffed means annoyed not curious

A few things stand out - she has no debt and although 5k less than you - only one adult to support out of that. Maybe she gets good maintenance. You really shouldn’t be worried as no point worrying what other people have.

She’s had a windfall and not told you. I had a little inheritance recently. I’ve told no one but I’m splurging a lot more. No one has said anything. But I don’t work so it doesn’t take a genius to work out I’m getting it from somewhere.

But I'm miffed as to where it is all coming from. And no I am not jealous.

Oh, but you are jealous; otherwise, why are you miffed? In fact, miffed makes no sense - you could be miffed that her sudden riches are a result of 'x' - an inheritance rather than her actually working for it, for example - but you cannot be miffed as to 'where is is coming from', that does not make sense grammatically. It's like being excited for Christmas. You cannot be excited on behalf of a thing, only excited about Christmas, or excited for a friend.

What you are miffed about is that you don't know where it is coming from and you desperately want to know.

My mistake. I thought you were miffed because you said you were miffed.

I'd definitely be curious though...

In my experience (5 separate incidences), prostitution or drug dealing.

She has no debts to service (you do) and she's supporting one less adult on a salary similar to your joint household income?
There's your answer

Also.we've just been for a two night spa break if you look on their website it's £369 a night, we got it in January sales on buyagift with blue light discount on top for just over £200 for both nights. There are deals to be had if you are canny and have disposable income

Edited as I misread the 5k in the OP

You don’t know what her monthly income is - she could be on OF or sell pictures of her feet for all you know

My monthly household income is around £5k more than hers.

How do you know so much about her earnings? How do you know she definitively doesn’t have a credit card?

I had a friend who always had money despite being on benefits, it turned out they had a sugar daddy.

Not particularly, but it helps if you use a word that means what you think it means.

None of her business

She's your friend, ask her.

It constantly amazes me who can afford what. Sometimes the answer is careful budgeting. Often the answer is credit and lots of it, or a creative approach to discussing finances. Can you be sure that your friend isn't using credit for some of her expenditure?
If she's a good friend, you could ask her..

She's obviously got a sex dungeon in her house and charges men thousands of pounds to be humiliated by her. Ask her for tips.

As always with these threads, between one and all of:

• she's got more money and/or lower basic expenses than you think she has
• debt
• some/all of the things she's spending on are less expensive than you'd expect

My OH recently came into a huge amount of money that is neither an inheritance nor a lottery win (think a high 6 figure sum) without outing his situation I’ll just say it’s compensation for something that happened many years ago.

We both decided we would keep this to ourselves to avoid requests for money from relatives. We have, however, spent ALOT on ourselves this year.

Maybe she has had some windfall and is keeping it to herself.

Ask her if she's got any shifts going!

Soundslike she might by on that OnlyFans thing, or even possibly an escort.