DC waking up early and waking the whole house

[thegirlwithapearl]

I am getting beyond desperate now.
DC are 9, 7 and 6.
Every morning the 6yo will wake anytime between 5 and 6 am, but then wakes up the entire house. Opening siblings doors, running up and down the hall, coming in to me with silly questions or trying to tell me about a toy.
The problem I have is that the older siblings, although do sometimes get grumpy about being woken up, then join in!
We have phases where everyone is quiet for a few days then it ramps up again and nothing I can say or do works.
This morning all three were stood right outside my bedroom door shouting at each other and chasing each other up and down the hall. It's like this all the time.
I've set a rule that they can read in their rooms quietly until 7:15 when the alarms go off. They have lights that change colour at this time. But they just ignore them.
We have a reward and chore chart. If I take rewards away they don't care.
I've set a rule that if someone's door is closed they are asleep or resting so you need to be quiet. But younger one ignores it so the older ones do too.
I know it's only a couple of hours before we wake up but even if we go to bed early it's really affecting our sleep. I'm recovering from cancer treatment and DH is working full time, on Monday I got quite emotional and upset because I feel like I'm having this horrible power struggle with my children just to get them to be considerate of other people in the house.
If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it, save me putting locks on their doors (I'm joking).

Shouldn't someone be getting up with the six year old and keeping them quiet and entertained?

I think that there needs to be more than one thing happening. Expecting a 6 year old to read in their room for anything up to two hours is unrealistic imo, of course they will get bored and want company and at that age they do need supervision, So you need to adjust your expectations.

I would offer for him to come through to your bedroom for company and he can bring a book or some quiet toys while you doze or even watch a bit of TV. I also think he is probably hungry and thirsty so a drink and something non messy to eat that will keep him going until a proper breakfast. I suspect it won’t allow you to stay in bed until 7.15 but It will give you a bit of extra time.

Absolutely not 😂. don’t be daft. A six year old should be able to get up, dressed and make their own breakfast, never mind entertain themselves 🤦‍♀️. My 7 and 9 year old entertain the 3 year old for me!

is it possible her bedtime is too early? Mine go to bed at 8ish now. Was 7.30 when the eldest was 6.

Could you make it a competition as to who can get up the latest?

is it less about reward and more about discipline. It’s not a problem if someone has an early body clock but it’s quite selfish behaviour to wake everyone else up.

Could you discuss and get out what she would play with/read in the morning the night before.

Is she getting dressed before she leaves her room - could buy an extra 10 minutes 🫣

She does know how to make the tv work right?

I’m not pretending this is great parenting but mine are allowed to watch kids programmes if they’re up before 6 on weekdays and 7 on weekends. If they’re being silly or waking other people up then they lose screen time the rest of the weekend

7:15am is a late start with little kids for most families I think! I agree your expectations need to be adjusted a bit, or you'll be trying to push water uphill as it were.

Could you and your husband alternate who gets up with the six year old? I'd class anything after 6am as "the morning", when our eldest was younger anything after 5:30am was the morning.

What worries me about the TV is that they will wake up even earlier if they know they can watch it out of excitement (oldest is an absolute TV obsessed) and they'll end up more tired for school. DH has suggested it though.
They all go to bed anytime between 7:30 and 8:30 but that depends on how tired they are and if we've had a really busy day. They're very good at saying when they're tired and if they want an early night.

Get up at 6.30 and take them for a run.

I honestly did this with mine. I got fitter and slimmer and the kids all ended up fit and healthy.

You mentioned lots about setting rules, but no indication of how you enforce it.

Personally I found my children responded best to an incentive rather than a punishment, so maybe have something they can earn by not waking you up.

She has said she is recovering from
Cancer treatment.
I don't think she wants to get up at six to go running. She would like a little more sleep.

Honestly in your position I'd let them watch the tv for a bit.

Sorry I missed that. A walk would be ok though.

What consequences have you put in place for them disturbing everyone/opening doors etc when they’ve been explicitly told not to? Loss of TV time? Loss of treats?

Absolutely not 😂. don’t be daft. A six year old should be able to get up, dressed and make their own breakfast, never mind entertain themselves 🤦‍♀️ is this sarcasm??

She wants sleep not a run! This is a silly idea

I have no advice just solidarity. My youngest aged 2 gets up at 3am/ 4am he then wakes his brothers up who are early risers anyway. (Tried all the later bedtime etc never worked) so we just start our day mega early. By 9am I feel like I've done a full day of parenting. I go to bed 8pm or 9pm to cope with it or just accept I'm a tired mess the next day if I've stayed up late trying to be a adult.

It's brutal. It doesn't help when you're not well and need rest. We've tried lots of variations even screen time and even that doesn't hold them for very long at all. The most we get is to lay on the sofa whilst they play.

I'm sorry it sucks it really really sucks.

Could you put a time clock on the TV, so that there is a lower limit to the time it can be watched? Eg 6am

Mine could definitely get up and make a bowl of cereal at 6.

I'm amazed not all kids can if I'm honest.

@Phonicshaskilledmeoff that's great if it works for you - but it's clearly not working for OP's particular set up as her older children are being disturbed and nobody's actually getting any decent sleep.

You can't have a six year old getting up at 5am and disturbing the whole household - it's up to OP and her husband to make sure he's staying quiet and being supervised if necessary.

I also think it's insanely unrealistic to expect a six year old to stay quiet and entertained for two hours every morning without the TV, which OP says they're not allowed.

We had to have several "time rules"
Anything before 6, lights off, resting, in bed.
After 6, they could get up, find some food, watch TV.
After 6.30, we (I, DH doesnt do mornings he does do later night stuff tho) - could be woken.

I think 7.15 is too late. You could work up to that point maybe, but id start with something more achievable like 6 or 6.30.

I'd also really focus on not waking others.

FWIW DS1 really benefited from an alarm clock..... We'd set it for 6am (yawn) but he generally didn't bother moving very much before it went off. Yes, it meant that he never slept in - but he's 15 and naturally was up at 7am this morning - but it did stop him wandering about much earlier than that.

A six year old is plenty old enough to stay in bed until the alarm goes off.

OP you need to set consequences and stick to them. Be firm and they'll get the message.

@LoafofSellotape that depends on what time it goes off, surely?

If you have a child who's regularly waking at 5am then maybe the expectation of staying in bed undisturbed until 7.15 is a bit unrealistic?

TV isn't a good idea for exactly the reasons you state. An audio book is good and ds used to listed to Harry Potter.

Not when she needs more sleep it wouldn’t! I’m guessing you’ve never had anyone close go through cancer treatment? She did make it clear she’s really struggling though.
OP I would definitely let them watch tv on the condition they are quiet. I’d also leave a cereal bar out each and a cup of milk or similar in the fridge ready for them. Yes they should be able to get stuff themselves at 6 but that means more noise whine they do it.
Or is there is a tablet they could watch?

At that age I'd expect your youngest to be capable of reasoning. Explain that if you're allowed enough sleep, you'll have more energy for play. Without enough sleep, you'll be too tired and grumpy to play.

This works for my early riser 5 year old (usually 5-6am these days). We set him up a breakfast box and water on the sofa (and he has a mini fridge for milk), he can watch TV or play with toys (not the nintendo switch though). He is not to wake his 2yo sister under any circumstances (she enjoys a lie in until 7), and he can wake me or his dad if he needs something urgently (poo, scared, etc).

It takes a while, but they can learn. Sympathies though, ds would wake at about 4am for years, occasionally 3am! And he was too young to be alone then.

All kids? My severely autistic 6 year old doesn’t even understand what cereal is.