DC waking up early and waking the whole house

[thegirlwithapearl]

I am getting beyond desperate now.
DC are 9, 7 and 6.
Every morning the 6yo will wake anytime between 5 and 6 am, but then wakes up the entire house. Opening siblings doors, running up and down the hall, coming in to me with silly questions or trying to tell me about a toy.
The problem I have is that the older siblings, although do sometimes get grumpy about being woken up, then join in!
We have phases where everyone is quiet for a few days then it ramps up again and nothing I can say or do works.
This morning all three were stood right outside my bedroom door shouting at each other and chasing each other up and down the hall. It's like this all the time.
I've set a rule that they can read in their rooms quietly until 7:15 when the alarms go off. They have lights that change colour at this time. But they just ignore them.
We have a reward and chore chart. If I take rewards away they don't care.
I've set a rule that if someone's door is closed they are asleep or resting so you need to be quiet. But younger one ignores it so the older ones do too.
I know it's only a couple of hours before we wake up but even if we go to bed early it's really affecting our sleep. I'm recovering from cancer treatment and DH is working full time, on Monday I got quite emotional and upset because I feel like I'm having this horrible power struggle with my children just to get them to be considerate of other people in the house.
If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it, save me putting locks on their doors (I'm joking).

I've had cancer treatment myself.

Walking outside really helped. It was just a suggestion, no need to get so arsey about it.

Could well be habit and if they go back to bed they might go back to sleep. I think 6.45 is more realistic.

I think you and your DH should take it in turns to get up and intercept your youngest DC until they get the message. I'd firmly put them back in their room and tell them they have to read/play quietly until the gro-clock (or whatever you have) shows that it's time to get up, and repeat as many times as it takes. They need intercepting before they get as far as disturbing their siblings until they understand that they simply won't be allowed to rampage around the house.

OK, I forgot this is mumsnet.

All NT kids.

@LoafofSellotape yep, it could well be habit, but imo it's up to the parents to fix it - not just let the older children be disturbed every morning.

What does it matter what forum it is? You said all kids so I assumed you meant all kids.

I think you need to either:

• set an earlier time and have rewards for staying in your room, gradually bringing this later e.g. start with 6am and move it 15 mins later. Follow through consistently on the rewards but accept your 6yo won't entertain himself for too long
• allow them to do more e.g. watch TV or use a tablet. Ours get up together and head downstairs to watch TV when they are both up. Our 5yo waits for his sister before going down. If they are hungry, they get breakfast.p

I understand they may wake earlier for more screens. You may need firm rules and times around this.

Well thank you for pointing out my mistake. I'm not sure if the OPs 6 year old is severely autistic or not. If not, I suggest they could quite easily learn to go downstairs and get a bowl of cereal and sit in front of the tv.

No, the 6yo should be able to do this. Mine could.

I think 6am is a normal time for small children to wake up so I would just get up with them tbh especially on a work/school day.

I also have early risers and it was hard when they were small but it was easier to suck it up rather than make up rules eg no coming out of rooms and then have to get up to enforce them.

My eldest had a phase of going to bed really early exhausted after school and then waking up at 4.30am!

Isn't that what I said ?

I think you have to pick an option and stick to it. You say they don't care about negative consequences, so perhaps the carrot more than the stick.

Perhaps changing the time to 6.45 to give them a shot at being successful. Then reward the success.
Then gradually creep it back.
7.15 is quite a lie in for those ages ime.

This will probably be frowned upon and it's not ideal parenting but we caved when our son was 3.5yrs and he's allowed to watch kids Netflix on a tablet after 5.45am until 7am. He also has a small tupperware of Cheerios/shreddies which he can eat in bed (no milk!) and a bottle of water. He's been an early riser since birth (anywhere from 4am onwards) and we found we were just getting cross and frustrated at him so the Netflix and dry cereal seems like the lesser of 2 evils! It's the only time he's allowed the tablet (apart from long car journeys) and he never ever asks for it at other times so it hasn't caused a problem and we are all getting more sleep!

Not sure the fact that your 6 year old can do something means that all of them should be able to!

My 6yo can get herself breakfast but there’s no way she’s hanging out downstairs on her own for an hour or two

The majority of NT 6yos should be able to get breakfast cereal, turn on a TV and chilled for an hour. I don't think that's controversial.

Aghh sleep the old enemy! As a life long insomniac I have a little insight. If you want someone/ yourself to sleep later go to bed later. Clearly the 6 year old is getting their sleep by 5am and then is fully recharged, don't let them nap in the day and make them stay up later.
Sleep restriction certainly resets my bloody terrible sleep patterns. It's got to be worth a try.
And my sympathy OP for your illness and I hope your recovery goes well.

@LoafofSellotape well, you said to set consequences, which I agree with to an extent, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think they need to be realistic in that respect.

So yes, a consequence for waking everyone up at 5am is understandable, but imo they need to accept that both parents staying in bed until gone 7am every morning isn't particularly realistic, especially with a child that seems to have a natural wake up time of over two hours earlier.

OP won't let them put the TV on though, that's why people are saying her expectations aren't realistic.

I agree. Expecting them to be quiet for so long without TV or similar is unrealistic. Make the time earlier and go to bed half an hour earlier.

If three children are up and wide awake at that time they are not likely to go back to sleep are they!

My 8yoDC does this a bit - though he doesn't intentionally wake us up, he just can't sleep much after 5:30-6am and loudly plays in his room (ADHD so genuinely doesn't know how loud he is when he's playing).

He has a clock in his room and knows the rules. Anything before 6:30 he needs to stay in his room, but can play quietly (still working on that part, as mentioned above!). After that, he's welcome to go downstairs and chill. Since about 6yo he's been able to get breakfast, pop TV on, grabs a blanket and chills on the sofa for a while until we come down. Most days I'm up at 6:30am getting ready so sometimes he'll come in to chat with me - he knows if the light is on in my room then he's allowed to come in.

Exactly - and without use of a TV then I do think noise and play is going to be pretty unavoidable.

No, they shouldn’t! That would just be encouraging the selfish behaviour. A six-year-old is old enough to understand the house rule and read or play on their own for an hour or two. But maybe move the "earliest getting up" time to 6:45 or 7am. Discuss the evening before what toys could be played with, what Lego models built, etc. and leave them out.

Sorry OP, but I don’t think you’re being firm enough. If "taking away rewards" isn’t having the desired effect, you’re not taking away anything that matters enough to them. (Giving instant rewards, at breakfast time, to those who stayed in own rooms might work better, e.g. a token for 15 minutes iPad time after school or something similar.) Put a big reminder (e.g. picture of iPad and word "Shhh!") on the inside of their bedroom doors. They are allowed to go out to the loo but must then go back in their own room, with no door banging.

Agree with this. OP is unwell and needs to rest and the children are old enough to understand that.

Wow your sensitive 😂
She said she’s getting beyond desperate the poor women. So I’m fairly sure she wouldn’t be saying that if she felt able to get up first thing & go for a walk (in the dark at 5.30/6.30).