DC waking up early and waking the whole house

[thegirlwithapearl]

I am getting beyond desperate now.
DC are 9, 7 and 6.
Every morning the 6yo will wake anytime between 5 and 6 am, but then wakes up the entire house. Opening siblings doors, running up and down the hall, coming in to me with silly questions or trying to tell me about a toy.
The problem I have is that the older siblings, although do sometimes get grumpy about being woken up, then join in!
We have phases where everyone is quiet for a few days then it ramps up again and nothing I can say or do works.
This morning all three were stood right outside my bedroom door shouting at each other and chasing each other up and down the hall. It's like this all the time.
I've set a rule that they can read in their rooms quietly until 7:15 when the alarms go off. They have lights that change colour at this time. But they just ignore them.
We have a reward and chore chart. If I take rewards away they don't care.
I've set a rule that if someone's door is closed they are asleep or resting so you need to be quiet. But younger one ignores it so the older ones do too.
I know it's only a couple of hours before we wake up but even if we go to bed early it's really affecting our sleep. I'm recovering from cancer treatment and DH is working full time, on Monday I got quite emotional and upset because I feel like I'm having this horrible power struggle with my children just to get them to be considerate of other people in the house.
If anyone has any advice I'd really appreciate it, save me putting locks on their doors (I'm joking).

Personally I think some 6 year olds are definitely not able to manage that. If they can’t get back to sleep then 1-2 hours is a very long time to lie alone in their room, even reading. Unfortunately watching tv downstairs or a tablet in their room is much more likely to pacify them.

No! it really isn’t unless they have significant additional needs.

I think you need to make some adjustments. Later bedtime for all, my 7 yr old goes 8 30ish. Rarely falls asleep before 9, gets up between 7 and 7.30. I'm sure he'd go earlier if I woke him up at 5 everyday! I'd push their bedtimes back for a start.

You can't expect a 6 yr old to stay quiet in their room for 2 hours though. Half an hour maybe.

I wouldn't do the TV thing, my other son would wake earlier and earlier to watch TV. Or wake and get up immediately, whereas if there's a "don't leave your room before X time" he's more likely to doze back off.

I said the 6 year old should entertain themselves. Mine would definitely have the tv on!

I don’t think that the older ones should be entertaining the younger one- just that’s what mine do BECAUSE none of them get up before 7 and they let adults have a lie in anyway.

if you’d be happy for them to watch tv but don’t want it creeping earlier and earlier then you could get a smart plug for the tv (if you’ve got an Alexa to connect it to) and set it to switch on at 6am fir example so the kids know the tv won’t work before then/it’s not worth getting up even earlier for but it’ll give you some peace to get a little rest after 6am

Could you tell the children they can watch TV but only after 6 and only if they manage to get downstairs without waking anyone else (including each other up). Put a time lock on tv.

That will wear off once it's been allowed for a while.

I think you’re timings are unrealistic. 7.15am is a late start for a lot of kids and coupled with a 7.30pm bedtime you’re expecting kids that are 6+ to sleep like actual babies. Their sleep needs decrease as they get older. I’d do an 8.30pm bedtime for the youngest, 9 for the older ones and set the wake up alarms for 6.30am to be realistic. Do they have ipads? You can use the screentime settings to have them wake up at 6.30 so they can do that quietly and allow you more rest, but there’s no incentive for them to wake earlier. Or a smart plug on the TV would also work. If you have to get up because they’re being noisy then you could make it the rule that that means the ipads or TV remote (whichever you choose) are gone, so it’s in their interests to be quiet. Also leave the cereal out and make sure they can reach the milk so they can sort their own breakfast- assuming no additional needs and if you buy max a 2pt bottle of milk (bigger is harder for small hands to pour) they should easily be able to manage that.

@Phonicshaskilledmeoff but OP won't let them watch TV - so it's hardly surprising that their bored, wide awake 6yo is pestering their siblings and creating havoc 🤷‍♀️

So really OP needs to change her expectations with regards to how long a 6yo can entertain themselves, and be prepared to start getting up earlier (or relaxing the no TV rule).

I just think expecting three young children to play quietly with no TV or adult input for over two hours every morning is massively unrealistic.

Agree with this. OP is unwell and needs to rest and the children are old enough to understand that.

I'm not sure it's realistic to expect a 6yo to really understand that, to be honest.

And even if they do kind of grasp that mummy is tired and needs to sleep, they're still too young to able to be able to entertain themselves quietly for over two hours every morning with no access to the TV and with no parent on hand to supervise and intervene when they inevitably get bored or hungry or a sibling winds them up.

If OP is (understandably) too unwell to get up then maybe it would be best to adjust expectations and allow the kids to make breakfast and watch cartoons instead.

@coffeesaveslives my thoughts exactly. My almost 5 year old sleeps 7pm-6am and one of us gets up with her, takes her downstairs to play quietly or watch some slow tv such as Julia Donaldson short films etc and get her a drink and snack, it’s quiet time until 7:30am.

Unless other reasons 6-year-olds should be able to stay in their room until 7 reading or playing toys quietly, then get up, dressed and make a simple breakfast.
It's not that extreme!

A 4 year old and a 6 year old are very different!

I can't say I understand the 'this isn't great parenting but' comments regarding screen time for early risers. What's wrong with kids waking up and watching a bit of morning tv, why is it now seen as so taboo? Screen time in moderation is fine and if it means OP can grab some extra sleep particularly while recovering from cancer, why on earth not?

I am definitely not getting up at 6am or whenever! DD1(5) knows that if her Yoto light is red, it's too early to get us up. She can either go back to sleep (unlikely), play in her room or she's allowed her tablet to watch something or do some of her reading games. When the light goes pink (7am), she can come through to us.

This works most of the time, sometimes she'll come through as she needs help with something, but generally she's pretty self sufficient for an hour or so.

She often gets herself dressed during this time too.

And I absolutely don't care about screen time at 6.30am or whatever. I don't have any quality parenting to offer at that time of day, so quite happy for CBeebies, Bluey or whatever DD's current obsession is to do that job for me for a bit.

Not that differently, they both wake up and need attention.

Yes, they can stay in their rooms quietly for a short period but they’ll eventually get bored and need entertaining. A 6 year old is too young to be left unsupervised first thing on a morning, especially if both parents are asleep.

I appreciate mum is going through a tough time so hubby needs to step up and they need to alternate morning get ups.

You and DH take turns getting up with the 6yo and keeping them away!

If you're unwell/recovering, DH can do this every morning.

6am is fuck all tbh. Try 5am, that's what my oldest DC does and that is an improvement on 4am which was his 2-4yo wake up 🙄

Can dh do bedtime and you go to bed early then get up early?

I don't not think 6.30 is that early tbh when you have small kids.

Sounds to me that if they wake up they could either play quietly in their bedrooms OR go downstairs and empty the dishwasher, sort the laundry, or whatever and THEN watch some telly or eat breakfast.

Can you use the TV as a reward, so tell them they have to stay quiet until 7am then they can have 30 mins of TV. But if they disturb you before 6.30, they don't get the TV that morning? That way they're not waking up earlier for it and they have to earn it by being quiet.

Wait til your child is 6...

So a 6 year old won’t need attention upon waking? I still wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving them on their own to get breakfast etc whilst I slept upstairs.

So at 6 you can just ignore them for 2 hours?