Partner is destroying my life with snoring

[ShutTFUp]

At least once a week now I miss an entire night’s sleep because of partner snoring.

I am self employed and studying and missing full days of work and study, and then having to cancel all plans outside of work to catch up over evenings and weekends. That’s if I manage to catch up.

It’s making me ill.

This week he ‘forgot’ to put his nose thing in and I got about 2 hours’ sleep. He has taken some steps now finally to do something about it, but this is after years of refusing to do anything, which has entrenched all the stress and anxiety around it all through repeated times when meetings, interviews, social events, birthday celebrations, that are really important to me have been ruined or missed.

I feel like I hate him (just feel so angry at this constant pointless chaos and disruption) and wish I lived by myself. I have been taking steps to make this happen but unfortunately on hold for now due to other commitments.

Just venting I suppose and wondering if there is any advice, experience out there and offering solidarity to anyone in the same position!

What ear plugs are you using? Are you placing them correctly?

He needs to do something as well?!!

DH used to be a terrible sleeper and was cranky 24/7

He has a sleep study, he stopped breathing 60 times in an hour. He was sent home that day with a CPAP machine

I hadn't realised how badly MY sleep was affected until then

He was a different person overnight

My husbandhad a similar issue, and did go to the Dr's about it. Following a sleep study they found he didn't need a CPAP but does have sinus issues. He now uses the steroid spray like you mentioned - but he also uses a nasal rinse morning and night. Between the two of these we get through most nights without him waking me now - whereas previously I ended up sleeping downstairs on the airbed most nights as it was horrendous. If he has a cold I get the airbed out in advance these days. But the key difference for me is that he is genuinely concerned about the impact it has and does everything he can to alleviate it.

Being overweight can cause / exacerbate sleep apnoea, so it is not an either / or situation. The measurement of neck girth can be a useful indicator. When asleep and relaxed, excess weight around the neck can cause the throat to close a bit. Also excess weight in the abdomen can also contribute. Sleep apnoea can be eased significantly if weight is lost.

I’ve been using a CPAP machine since 2013. Totally changed my life; so much so that my husband went to his doctor about a year later and now also has one.

When I had a hysterectomy, the anaesthetist came to see me, asked me to open my mouth and said “Oh yeah, okay!”

I was a bit shocked and asked what she had seen to make her say that. She said I have a narrow throat and a large tongue, so I am physiologically more likely to snore, even if I wasn’t overweight. That’s at least 15 years of disturbed sleep for me.

That would be divorce for me, your H needs to sleep in a different room from the start of the night and stay there - I would be getting a lock for the door so he couldn’t disturb me or the pup 🤯

Try something like this, listen to white noise or an audiobook. I find it helps me to get off to sleep and keeps me asleep better too. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Sleep-Headphones-Personalised-Sleepphones-Built-Black/dp/B0852W5RR2/ref=asc_df_B0852W5RR2/

What kind of machine does he have?

My mum has a sleep apnoea machine, and the machine makes a lot of noise! When I stay with her, I can hear the machine in the next room!

@sofialiliy11

The hospital gave it to him, completely silent. https://www.googleadservices.com/pagead/aclk?sa=

Do you have a spare bedroom? If so, you could sleep in the spare bedroom, if not, you could sleep in the living room on the couch.

OP is sleeping in another room, and OP is wearing earplugs

I'm afraid my exh was like this. We're now divorced. Snoring wasn't the only reason but after 10 years of it I just couldn't take any more. You have my sincerest sympathy

Sympathies. I didn't start a relationship after a very promising night together due to his snorning. Wouldn't tolerate it at all. You'll be happier alone.

Yesterday he managed a new trick – starting an argument before bed.

I had been to yoga, had a chamomile tea and a hot shower, and was super serene. I had porridge and soup prepped for the next day, bag packed, super chilled and organised.

Tues is my one day a week at uni. Also had blood tests booked and informal interview in the evening – so wanted to be super fresh and have stamina for the whole day.

Immediately told him to go away when he started up arguing but went to bed full of adrenaline and stress. Got about 3 hours sleep.

It’s just so gutting.

How do you think she can make herself less of a light sleeper?

I used to be a very heavy sleeper! I now have some anxiety round sleep, although do sleep well when he is not there.

Why do you want to stay with him? What's good about him?

I don’t want to focus on his good qualities right now!