Partner is destroying my life with snoring

[ShutTFUp]

At least once a week now I miss an entire night’s sleep because of partner snoring.

I am self employed and studying and missing full days of work and study, and then having to cancel all plans outside of work to catch up over evenings and weekends. That’s if I manage to catch up.

It’s making me ill.

This week he ‘forgot’ to put his nose thing in and I got about 2 hours’ sleep. He has taken some steps now finally to do something about it, but this is after years of refusing to do anything, which has entrenched all the stress and anxiety around it all through repeated times when meetings, interviews, social events, birthday celebrations, that are really important to me have been ruined or missed.

I feel like I hate him (just feel so angry at this constant pointless chaos and disruption) and wish I lived by myself. I have been taking steps to make this happen but unfortunately on hold for now due to other commitments.

Just venting I suppose and wondering if there is any advice, experience out there and offering solidarity to anyone in the same position!

I feel you. On bad nights I want to murder my husband. We don’t have a spare room which makes it harder. My DH also has nose things which help. Regular exercise also helps him to snore less. Does your partner drink? Mine is always a million times worse when he does. He always snores worse on his back so I shove him over often. We also always have some sort of white noise- a fan or air purifier on the loudest setting.

we do already at the moment! the sound penetrates through the whole house!

The ONLY thing that works for both me and my mum is Sleepbuds - I have the Bose ones, she has the redesigned ozlo ones https://ozlosleep.co.uk/products/sleepbuds?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAp8i1TnIV0L7qKS-YO9IuTYWx0D-d&gclid=Cj0KCQjwj4K5BhDYARIsAD1Ly2pp-tFpTL-6j30yBphkYu2Te5Lfng5DNBTl3iVDlB-yvU723DvazBgaAq5mEALw_wcB

basically plays white noise all night, I even drove home on Christmas Day when I realised I’d forgotten them and couldn’t stand the thought of a night without them. That being said, that’s only your side of the equation. I’d be extremely pissed off that someone who supposedly loved me
couldn’t alleviate this awful situation, and would also be considering the relationship. Best of luck to you

But surely it’s an issue for both of you to solve. Plenty of people sleep through noise so your light sleeping is part of it too.

Why is is always men that snore the worst?

I think some of it is due to bad diet, drinking and not brushing teeth properly so they have mild infections in their mouths and throat.

I don't think that most people would be able to get to sleep beside a heavy snorer. It's some noise!

Wow, £300! Are they worth it?

It must be very serious to have it travel through walls. You have my sympathy. I have a snorer too but we sleep in separate rooms. I'm tempted to get a 3 bed on holidays so I don't have to suffer sleepness nights on holidays.

It is his issue though. Does he need to lose weight? Does he have a deviated septum? Most issues which cause snoring are fixable. Does he care enough to fix it though?

I didn’t use to be a light sleeper in any way – I often wondered if I had a mild form of narcolepsy as I’d fall asleep so easily.

Having my sleep repeatedly disturbed and important commitments negatively impacted has made me an increasingly sensitive sleeper.

I already use ear plugs and an eye mask.

And if I sleep elsewhere (ie a completely different house) I sleep like a baby!

I have felt the snoring rage before.

When I was younger and travelled a good bit, I used to stay in hostels with mixed dorms.

You would never get any sleep because there was always one snorer, and it was always a man.

I think snoring is alcohol related too, as your throat gets dehydrated after drinking.

My ex partner always snored, and he had a beer after work most days

So you're in separate rooms, you are wearing ear plugs, and it's still loud enough to wake you and affect your life - and he won't even put a flipping nose plug in because at heart he just doesn't care enough about you. It's not you - it's definitely him.

I'm not surprised you want to separate permanently. Save yourself - you're worth more than this.

It's not on you to find him solutions and find treatments for yourself. It's not you that needs to change themselves with hypnosis and gadgets and accessories and spending more of your own time organising and pushing for more medical appointments for snorey-boy. It is he who needs to change his ways - and let's face it, he won't.

I'd keep on planning to separate. Meanwhile buy the best earplugs you can.

I do wonder if the issue became a thing when it did (about 3 years ago) due to putting on weight during lockdown

Is he overweight? When I started waking DH up almost every night with my snoring it was the kick in the bum I needed to sort it out - I've now lost 13kg on mounjaro and the snoring stopped when I was 10kg down.

I used all the sinus issues, allergies, blocked nose, enlarged tonsils, deviated septum, all the "explanations" ie. excuses. I tried nose strips, mouth guards etc. But no - it was the weight.

When I lost it, the snoring stopped - even with all the issues like sinuses and enlarged tonsils still there.

he drinks only very occasionally, although I second this as alcohol definitely does exacerbate snoring

Thanks, this is useful to know! Yes, I do think it is a weight issue

Ah we cross posted. He's got to lose the weight (my snoring also became worse and worse as I got heavier and heavier).

If he gets down to a healthy BMI and he's still snoring then you can start looking into tonsils and sinuses etc but honestly his weight should be his first port of call. As a good and considerate life partner he should be doing everything to reduce his snoring's impact on you. Depending on his size he may qualify for mounjaro which I can't recommend enough - it's been life changing for me but also for my poor old DH who can now get a good night's sleep again!!

Snoring you can still clearly hear from another room is not some random slight snoring!

Plus, any advice to improve sleep?
Maybe you’ve suffered from light sleep yourself, been woken up by slight noises and you found a solution? It would be interesting to hear.

He needs a cpap machine. My DH used to snore, coincidentally I suffer with chronic pain and really struggled with the constantly being woken up. Since he has used the cpap my pain has improved as I am getting a better nights sleep. His sleep has improved too. It’s not silent but I find it quite soothing, like sea breeze in the background.

I saw a man in a travellers hostel get into a fight with another man, over his snoring!

Everyone hates snorers!

hahaha! this has made me feel great somehow. Solidarity with that man

Haha

Anti-snorers unite

My DH’s snoring stopped when he lost weight and stopped drinking most nights. now if he has a few drinks at the weekend, I just know he will start snoring again!

Snoring is often cured or at least significantly improved with weight loss plus smoking and drinking also play a part but in my experience the biggest change came after getting my BMI into the healthy range.