Stalker sending my money via bank, any way to block payments?

[Lucybee0x]

Hi,

So I have a family member (my father) I am completely estranged from. He’s extremely toxic, abusive, just generally an awful person. He’s tried to stalk me numerous times and tried to find out my address, has tried to find out my partners personal details to find this. Has tried to make harassment social service calls to say I’m “mentally ill” (purely to try and find my address). He’s very vindictive and upset I don’t want a relationship.

He’s a domestic absuser, abused my mum then various ex’s after her, but of course puts on a fake nice act to the outside world so everyone thinks he’s a great guy.

Anyway I have him blocked on everything, he still wants a relationship with me (purely for power and control) and has started to send me random deposits of money. (£100, £50)

It makes me physically sick this abusive person has found a way to access me when I’ve blocked me on everything (email, phone, WhatsApp etc etc). And in a way where he can manipulate people to seem like a “good person” and I know he’s going around telling his family he’s such a good person, sending me money etc

He must have gotten my bank details from my Grandma (his mum), because I gave them to her years ago and she acts as a flying monkey for him.

I just want to find a way to reject these payments, is that even possible? I tried messaging my bank but didn’t get very far.

Close the account and open a new one ?

Personally, Id not acknowledge receipt if ever questioned but I would set the money aside. Play him at his own game. Dont let him have any power over you. It doesnt give him any power over you unless you let it. Have you children that could benefit in the future?

Which bank is it? Some of them are better than others at dealing with this situation. I'm sorry, it's very hard.

Contact the police.
This should be taken seriously by them, unfortunately it is a common way for perpetrators to remind their victims they are still able to control them in some way,
The stalking act 2019 will cover this behaviour.
I'm sorry you are being made to feel these way.

Does your bank have a local branch (not many do these days)? If so, go into your local branch and speak to someone in person. Failing that, can you call your bank? There must be a way of blocking payments from his account and returning any monies paid. If all else fails, close the account and open up another one with a different bank. Last resort as it's a pain, but it may have to be an option.

I'd contact the police and tell them everything and press charges for harassment.
Also, speak to your bank and see if they can give you new account details xxx

These are tiny payments of money of £50 £100 that I do not need and it’s every other month or so, no I don’t have children

This would be the simplest and quickest solution.

I have like 8 direct debits into it it’ll be such a hassle to do that, I’m just wondering if there’s a way to reject payments, it’s such a weird thing to ask the bank about though but I’ll have to try

Use the money to fund a court order?

And then change accounts/close that one down.

Switching accounts includes automatically transferring DDs. You can also state if you don't want payments to be transferred over, apparently.

It's so much easier to switch to another account now, they can help with the direct debits. You'd have to make sure you don't give the details to your grandmother though.

Donate any money he puts in to a charity who support victims of domestic abuse?

Is donate the money to something that I know he would hate and let the word get back to family that's what you're doing with it.

Make an appointment to see someone in the Bank and tell them what’s happening and ask if they can reject the payments. If they say they can’t then tell them you’ll be transferring your account.

Martin Lewis moneysavingexpert.com has loads of info on transferring bank accounts and it is really easy now re DDs the bank sorts all those out.

Forward the money on to a domestic abuse charity. Take the option that makes you feel better.

Donate the money to charity

Open a new account and use The account switching service. All the payments will be moved by the bank

I suspect blocking money from one account would mean he uses other accounts to do the same thing.
blocking them all might make receiving money from people you do want harder.
he might enjoy knowing you blocked him.

I agree with PPs that having a word with your bank - ideally in person, if you have a local branch - would be useful: I'm sure there must be procedures in place to block these things.

Why should you have to go through all the administrative hassle of changing accounts just because of one awful person?

Forward the money to help others. Domestic abuse victims need basics like toiletries etc so use the money to buy those things for a domestic abuse charity. A while ago in my area they were doing handbags for homeless women, so they get a little bag filled of all the basics they may need and things to help them feel a bit better about themselves.

It’s reasonable to ask your bank to reject the payments in these circumstances. Well worth trying.
if you can’t arrange this, you might transfer the money to a charity supporting abuse victims and tell grandma that you have done so.
BTW it’s easy to transfer direct debits , the banks will do it when you move your account. That would be the clearest way to go. And don’t tell any family the new details.

Why should you have to go through all the administrative hassle of changing accounts just because of one awful person?

Yes thank you for this, I’ve had this account for about 20 years! Since I was a child

But anyway my point is that I want him to know the payments are being rejected if that makes sense? If I donate to a DV charity he’s not going to know that, he’ll just think I’m accepting money from him and he has this power over me. I’m completely no contact as you have to be with these kind of people so I’m not going to be playing games by telling my family I’m donating this money to a DV charity, trying to wind him up etc.

But yes I’ll speak to my bank.

I don’t know how much the Police would help, they’d probably laugh me out the station. There’s no real record of him being violent except for one time he smashed into our house/front door and the police did nothing, but it’s not a situation where people were going to the police. My Mum just left him in the end and I don’t know if his ex went to the police.

As others have said it is much easier to change banks these days. Also your current bank should be able to open another account for you and transfer the direct debits over. Then you can close the original account and he won’t be able to make payments into it. Provided you don’t give your new account details to anyone he will have no way of finding out.

I actually spent it because I didn’t realise it was happening. I only realised a few days ago when I checked my online banking and was checking for something else and noticed it.