Stalker sending my money via bank, any way to block payments?

[Lucybee0x]

Hi,

So I have a family member (my father) I am completely estranged from. He’s extremely toxic, abusive, just generally an awful person. He’s tried to stalk me numerous times and tried to find out my address, has tried to find out my partners personal details to find this. Has tried to make harassment social service calls to say I’m “mentally ill” (purely to try and find my address). He’s very vindictive and upset I don’t want a relationship.

He’s a domestic absuser, abused my mum then various ex’s after her, but of course puts on a fake nice act to the outside world so everyone thinks he’s a great guy.

Anyway I have him blocked on everything, he still wants a relationship with me (purely for power and control) and has started to send me random deposits of money. (£100, £50)

It makes me physically sick this abusive person has found a way to access me when I’ve blocked me on everything (email, phone, WhatsApp etc etc). And in a way where he can manipulate people to seem like a “good person” and I know he’s going around telling his family he’s such a good person, sending me money etc

He must have gotten my bank details from my Grandma (his mum), because I gave them to her years ago and she acts as a flying monkey for him.

I just want to find a way to reject these payments, is that even possible? I tried messaging my bank but didn’t get very far.

A chat with the bank is needed. You know best what this man is capable of and even if the bank can block payments it might be best if he no longer has your bank account details despite the hassle of changing.

The old bank usually forwards any payments made to it to the new bank account, so not sure this would work.

This is common. I know of someone who was doing this, literally £1 at a time, and using the reference box to send messages to his daughter. The daughter was a young teen and there was a non molestation order against him. 😔

Definitely speak to your bank OP. They will either block the payments, or help you set up and new account. Good luck.

No it doesn’t. I opened a Monzo account in about 10 mins and everything was automatically transferred over in under a week - I didn’t have to do a thing and there were no problems with anything.

I'd close the account, the bank are quite good these days at transferring all standing orders and direct debits to the new account to make it easy.

No point trying to block his account, if he knows yours then he could send from any number of accounts!

Hassle short term- freedom long term. Keep that in mind. Don’t give new details to his connections.

Presumably you have his bank details from the transfer. You could transfer 1p back & put “Sent 2 Womens Aid”or similar in the description.

Editing to say you’ve had better advice. It would not be wise to engage. The advice of another poster to keep your old account open is good. It means you don’t have to give out your new account details to the relative who passed your current account details to your father.

Using the switching service won't work as the payments and any messages in the references get auto-forwarded to the new bank I think, might be wrong. Ask your bank.

Honestly, manually changing 8 DDs plus work / HMRC isn't all that much to do, in the greater scheme of things.

I've been in this situation (ex) and unfortunately there's nothing you can do besides close the account and open a new one

I see your point about not wanting to change account OP. The thing is even if the bank does block that account from his he still has the power to send from another or even open a new account? I'd talk to them and see whether they're able to block anything from his name.

But most of all I'm just sorry you're having to deal with this. Well done for getting him out of your life.

OP doesn't WANT to engage with him. For good reason. That's exactly what he's hoping for- keeping the power and control to make her engage.

Edited to say I've since seen your edit! Think we're on the same page.

Your bank cannot block the payments. You also need to be careful using the switch service, as it also includes payments into the account up to a certain period (I think its 3 years off the top of my head).

Why not ask Natwest to open you a new account and then they switch the DDRs for you. Easy solution.

Not only is it really straightforward but loads of banks actually pay you for doing so. Lloyds will give you £200 within a few days if you switch.

now, it may be that the old bank refers on payments; I’ve had that when I changed recently, but I’m sure you could set up some sort of block if you tell the bank this is from an abuser.

Can you go into a branch? And speak to someone. You should be able to refuse payments and if they know there is abuse and stalking going on, they should have a policy on helping you. The major banks should be up on this.

I had almost exactly this situation at the weekend.

I phoned my Bank who initially said there was nothing they could do.

I explained my relationship with the person depositing money into my account and that they were playing games with me.

The Bank put me through to another Department (didn’t tell what that Department was) and they immediately agreed to reverse the Deposit for me.

They said they couldn’t block money being deposited into my account but gave me a number to ring so that I could get any further deposits returned if necessary.

If I was you I would go back to your Bank and challenge how it is acceptable for someone to be depositing unsolicited money into your account and why you have no option to reject that deposit.

There isn't any physical possibility for them to do anything about it though? Ranting at them won’t change the fact that the facility to block payments doesn't exist

A lot of people on this thread are trivialising this. Through naivety, this is stalking, coercive control and scary.
He has found a way to get back into ops life.
Why should she change more if her life for him.
I urge you to go to the police, I understand your hesitation but as a few people have said this is recognised perp behaviour.
Look after yourself.

The companies would be changed automatically when you transfer so you’d just need to text the new details to friends.
Nat West are not known for being responsive, have you spoken to them yet about refusing these payments and been told no?

And put it in the paper with a picture and a headline "I used my abusers money for this"

I am assuming this is the same grandma who gave your estranged father the details @Lucybee0x ? If so, then it'll just happen again if you change bank account. I'd call the bank and ask them for advise. They must have something in place to protect customers from abuse? I believe it's a crime now to send money to an account with an abusive message as the details, so hopefully there is something similar for this. Good luck 💐

Why are people just repeating stuff that OP has already said they don't want to do?

Oh yeah great let’s poke the bear of a stalker and domestic abuser. A lot of the people on this thread seem very ignorant to these kind of personalities and how vengeful they are. I’ve gone no contact because this is a dangerous person.

Anyway thank you for the responses. I’ll contact my bank, if I can’t do anything I’ll probably look into closing the account.

Close the account and let the bank deal with setting up new direct debits. Some banks will even give you £200 to switch and deal with all the admin. Bit of a pain but longer term in your best interest!

I'd definitely not ignore the money going in. Or donate it. Much as that seems like a lovely thing to do - what if he tries to build a case that they were loans and you owe it back? Plus you don't want to have to think about him every time you see those transactions.