Stalker sending my money via bank, any way to block payments?

[Lucybee0x]

Hi,

So I have a family member (my father) I am completely estranged from. He’s extremely toxic, abusive, just generally an awful person. He’s tried to stalk me numerous times and tried to find out my address, has tried to find out my partners personal details to find this. Has tried to make harassment social service calls to say I’m “mentally ill” (purely to try and find my address). He’s very vindictive and upset I don’t want a relationship.

He’s a domestic absuser, abused my mum then various ex’s after her, but of course puts on a fake nice act to the outside world so everyone thinks he’s a great guy.

Anyway I have him blocked on everything, he still wants a relationship with me (purely for power and control) and has started to send me random deposits of money. (£100, £50)

It makes me physically sick this abusive person has found a way to access me when I’ve blocked me on everything (email, phone, WhatsApp etc etc). And in a way where he can manipulate people to seem like a “good person” and I know he’s going around telling his family he’s such a good person, sending me money etc

He must have gotten my bank details from my Grandma (his mum), because I gave them to her years ago and she acts as a flying monkey for him.

I just want to find a way to reject these payments, is that even possible? I tried messaging my bank but didn’t get very far.

Just call the bank and tell them the payments have been made to you in error and they need to send them back to the account they came from. You don’t need to go into details with them, just that you don’t recognise the payments and you don’t want the money in your account.

I remember there was a thread on here once where the poster was getting money from an abusive ex and he was putting terrible things in the reference box i.e "I'll find you"

I really can't remember what advice she was given but remember at the time thinking how easy it would be for an abuser to contact you if you'd blocked them on everything else.

I think she went to the police. The search function is shocking on here but I'll try find it.

In that case you can look out for further payments and pass them to a charity . or move your bank account. It is very easy. First Direct are great. Good luck.

Good idea thank you

Yes it’s so gross. I’ve blocked him by email/text/WhatsApp/Telegram and he’s managed to find a way to contact me, and it’s such a manipulative way because I look like the crazy one for complaining about this as it’s a “nice thing” to do. His family have no idea what he’s like or they’re in denial.

You can block payments, Monzo has a ‘block this person from sending you money’ option, if you ring your bank they will block it

I had a similar situation and had to close the account and reopen a new one

Oh really?? I’m hoping my bank might do something, did you try your getting your bank to reject payments?

This is perfect

@Lucybee0x yes, I asked them to block them and they said it wasn't possible.

This was Starling Bank and as I closed the account, I wasn't able to have a new account for 1 year. It was a nightmare.

It was a couple of years ago too, so maybe things have changed 🤞🏻

@ChorizoDog

Thats so annoying! I’m with NatWest so it might be different

You shouldn't have to change accounts, but if you want to don't let direct debits put you off. Most banks have a switching service and update dd's for you.

You can go to a new bank, open an account and the bank will deal with all the direct debits so you don’t have to

I'd open a new bank account and transfer dd, but leave the existing account open. Once a year I would transfer the balance to either a domestic abuse charity or a charity you know he would hate. So if he hates cats, The Cats Protection League, or one that supports asylum seekers if he is the sort of person that would hate asylum seekers. Or transfer to an ISA and save it up to use if you ever need to take legal action.

If you close it or bounce the payments back it gives him the satisfaction of knowing he had inconvenienced you and will also make him start looking for other ways to get at you. Let it go in, once a year deal with it.

Ring your bank tell them that this person is an abuser and you don't want any of their money associated with your account, you are also worried they may he using it as a method of money laundering and want them blocked as you don't want anything to do with it.

It’s definitely isn’t. I don’t want to receive any money from him and him to have that smug power over me. This isn’t helpful and trivialises being stalked. I don’t want to deal with this person having contact with me and it’s a way for him to contact me.

If people want to donate their own money they’re welcome to do that but I was specifically asking people who’d been in similar situations or knew whether banks had the option to block payments.

There is an automatic direct debit switch system if you open a new account.

@Lucybee0x this is not uncommon in stalking sbd harassment. I dealt with a case where the perp was sending something ridiculous like £1 every day. It did constitute a breach of the court order that was in place abd he was recalled to prison on that basis.

It’s so easy to switch banks - direct debits get carried over to new account

but outside of that you’ve bigger problems and I’d deffo get police involved

It will take five minutes to change your account.

I get it but so many accounts I have online are registered with these details, also people I know have my account details when we go out and transfer each other money, I’d have to get them to change the details, it’s just a massive hassle and hopefully because it’s a big bank (NatWest) they might be able to block the payments, it seems like there’s mixed opinions on whether banks can block and reject payments.

I would speak to the police. They won't laugh at you. It's harassment, even if it's not a common form.

It’ll take 5 minutes to change every direct debit, every online account (amazon, eBay, Etsy, Tesco online) and get everyone I know including my Gran to change my account details they have saved for me?

Was just about to say the same thing 👍🏼

The new bank notify everyone for you, I change regularly to take advantage of the cash payments for switching, including both my business accounts. Never lost or missed a payment.