Do you judge a parent when a child has a meltdown in public?

[theotherfossilsister]

My two year old has horrible meltdowns quite suddenly. I let him have freedom where appropriate and explain things but there are non negotiables (having a coat on when it’s cold, puddle suit when raining, going in buggy by big roads because he has previously broken free and run away.) These all cause massive meltdowns where he’s throwing himself everywhere

The other week he slammed his head into the floor in a cafe while I was trying to get his coat back on. It was horrible, he was upset, I was upset, and beginning to think I was an idiot for taking the bloody coat off even though really warm in cafe and really cold outside (Scotland.)

A woman at the next table with kids herself came over and started talking to him and told him gently he needed his coat on and mummy looked very stressed. He cooperated with her and I was ridiculously grateful. I just wonder if people judge?

The other day it was the library and a puddiesuit because raining and he completely lost it and was writhing, running away etc, bright pink, screaming. People were looking at us, and I was speaking to him gently but it kept going until I got the damn coat on him when it stopped and he just accepted it.

I myself don't judge as have two toddlers. It was me the other day... child having tantrum and had to be picked up under the arm and dragged into shop. I would hope that no one was judging me as it was clear she wasn't doing anything I asked and I was at my wits end!

I wonder if older people/people without kids might though, as maybe it has been a while since they had small children or don't understand what it's like... but depends on the person and I'd say most are sympathetic

What are you trying to teach them by making them wear a coat?

I'd just forget forcing coats on in public. Small kids can't foresee things, they are warm inside and they can't see they'll get cold outside. If it's a major flash point I'd just drop it and try again when they look cold. When they got older I told them to carry the coat (they usually end up putting it on)

Distraction and being playful is key at that age. Oh my god, I've lost your arm in this coat, where's your hand is it gone...oh no there it is. That type of thing. They are easily amused. Getting into a power struggle was just the worst thing ever to do with my tantrumy toddler. He's 9 now and just puts on his coat before he goes outside!

I only judge if the parent is being cruel to the child, but otherwise I just feel sympathy for the parent and think I’ve been there and send silent solidarity. However, if I saw a child having a tantrum because they didn’t want their coat on and their parent was stubbornly insisting on it I’d be silently willing the parent to just say ok then and let them go without a coat until they realise they need it. I just think it’s not a hill I’d want to die on and it’s a tantrum that can be avoided.

If I'm feeling empathetic I feel bad for the parent.

If I'm not feeling empathetic I just feel really glad it's their kid losing their shit and not mine.

There's a local supermarket I can never go to again after the epic tantrum dd had last time we went.

Thank you all. I think I wanted him to have the coat on before we got him into the buggy as had a half hour walk afterwards. I have had days where I just put the coat over him afterwards though.

Thry seem more like meltdowns than tantrums as he’s red in the face, throwing himself everywhere, very disregulated.

Not sure if he’s nt or nd, but as the child of two autistics I suspect maybe ND.

Also sometimes I have to choose my meltdown, the strapping him in the buggy meltdown vs the ‘but why can’t I run into the road/river/massive drop’ meltdown

Not at all.