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Weirdest reason you’ve finished with someone

183 replies

SlovenlyOldSlut · 19/10/2024 22:13

So I promise I don’t exclusively date weirdos! But these stick out in my mind…

This is going back a good few years now, but I dated someone who couldn’t cope with me wearing a coat. Every time we went out it was, “So you’ve brought your coat again have you? We’ve got to lug that thing about with us all night, have we?” As if it was Princess Diana’s bloody bridal train. Once he was virtually begging me to wear “one of his big jumpers” instead. I kept asking why he had such a problem with me carrying a coat and he said, “You look really awkward!” What’s awkward about a coat?!

Another one didn’t understand microwaves. Or, more accurately, why you would own one. I’d been for dinner at his place when the phone rang and it turned out to be urgent. He came back and apologised for keeping me waiting for dinner; I said “No problem; we can just stick it in the microwave”. He looked utterly bewildered and kept repeating “Microwave?”, as if he’d never heard of the concept.

Okay, I thought, he hasn’t got one - but he just seemed completely confused at the idea anyone would. He was saying, “But what would I use it for?”, as if I’d suggested he should buy a unicorn. I said, “Well, reheating food! And things like scrambled egg, baked beans…” He just looked at me in total confusion, saying, “But I’d use a pan. I’d warm the food in the oven. Why would I have a microwave?” It was just too weird. I couldn’t ever feel aroused by him again.

OP posts:
Cheeseandcrackers40 · 19/10/2024 22:24

I have a weirdest reason someone finished with me: when I was 18 someone stopped seeing me because they wanted to have sex with me 😂, which I would have thought was a good thing, but he didn't believe in sex before marriage and apparently I was more whore than Madonna 🤷‍♀️😂.

Lovely guy though!

Spagettifunction · 19/10/2024 22:29

This is awful really but he couldn’t read. Not one word. He had a job (manual) and also he wore y fronts because his mum bought them (she also left a folded blanket neatly on the passenger seat of a car).

the reason he never read (I would have loved to have taught him) was his parents let him leave school young to work.

Garlicbest · 19/10/2024 22:29

That was a great read 😂

Stanley - for that was his name, and I still dated him - should've got the old heave-ho for dancing round the bedroom with my knickers on his head after sex. I had embarrassingly low standards. He asked to see something I'd been working on for a while. I don't usually like to show unfinished work to anyone, but Stanley was so interested, he kept asking.

He spent three hours telling me what was wrong with it and what changes to make. No, he had no relevant experience! I gave him the experience of his girlfriend walking out of a restaurant while loudly advising the staff to give the bill to That Self-Appointed Expert Over There.

I dumped a guy in the middle of our first date, when I noticed him writing the exact cost of each of our drinks down in a little notebook.

FrogSplash · 19/10/2024 22:30

He serenaded me with the banjo immediately after having sex. He was still naked.

The sex wasn't great anyway but the banjo gave me the ick.

Spagettifunction · 19/10/2024 22:30

Oh my god the banjo was worse than the y fronts

BirthdayRainbow · 19/10/2024 22:31

When I was younger, because he shortened by name.

hepsitemiz · 19/10/2024 22:33

I took him riding and he was unable to follow instructions. I realise that was not fair (he’d never been near a horse before and was a bit over-faced) but I think I was looking for a reason.

FUBAR77 · 19/10/2024 22:42

Our first time DTD, much dry/boring thrusting, then out of no where, he got off the bed, knelt on his knees - grabbed some dirty balled up socks from the floor and wanked into them. All while making eye contact and grunting like it was an incredibly sexy thing for me to witness.

When gently questioned afterwards he admitted he thought it was something he thought I’d enjoy as he ex GF always said she loved it…

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 19/10/2024 22:44

FUBAR77 · 19/10/2024 22:42

Our first time DTD, much dry/boring thrusting, then out of no where, he got off the bed, knelt on his knees - grabbed some dirty balled up socks from the floor and wanked into them. All while making eye contact and grunting like it was an incredibly sexy thing for me to witness.

When gently questioned afterwards he admitted he thought it was something he thought I’d enjoy as he ex GF always said she loved it…

Noooo 🤑😅🤣

Garlicbest · 19/10/2024 22:44

Oh ... Probably the weirdest reason, definitely not the weirdest man! We were still at school, had had a simmering crush on each other for a while. Went to a disco, as they were still called in them days, got to the slow dance ... and he had no smell. I know, right? Even I couldn't explain what I meant! It wasn't that he didn't smell of toiletries or cologne, he didn't smell of anything. My teenage instincts felt like they were dancing with an empty space.

I made some ridiculous excuse, obvs. You can't dump your new boyfriend for smelling like the vast voids of the universe 😳

EveryOtherNameTaken · 19/10/2024 22:44

FrogSplash · 19/10/2024 22:30

He serenaded me with the banjo immediately after having sex. He was still naked.

The sex wasn't great anyway but the banjo gave me the ick.

Hideous 😂

itisafuckinggoat · 19/10/2024 22:45

Went suit shopping with him and his little fat feet in socks. It was over in 24 hours. Have never been able to bear a tiny-footed man since.

SlovenlyOldSlut · 19/10/2024 22:45

FUBAR77 · 19/10/2024 22:42

Our first time DTD, much dry/boring thrusting, then out of no where, he got off the bed, knelt on his knees - grabbed some dirty balled up socks from the floor and wanked into them. All while making eye contact and grunting like it was an incredibly sexy thing for me to witness.

When gently questioned afterwards he admitted he thought it was something he thought I’d enjoy as he ex GF always said she loved it…

Okay - thread officially won!

OP posts:
Nelly555 · 19/10/2024 22:47

FUBAR77 · 19/10/2024 22:42

Our first time DTD, much dry/boring thrusting, then out of no where, he got off the bed, knelt on his knees - grabbed some dirty balled up socks from the floor and wanked into them. All while making eye contact and grunting like it was an incredibly sexy thing for me to witness.

When gently questioned afterwards he admitted he thought it was something he thought I’d enjoy as he ex GF always said she loved it…

😂😂😂

DecafDodger · 19/10/2024 22:51

He said his ideal holiday is wild camping. You know, we just take the tent and drive through Europe, of course for food we can just pack tinned spam and warm it up on campfire.
That was an immediate no.

Oodiks · 19/10/2024 22:54

Garlicbest · 19/10/2024 22:44

Oh ... Probably the weirdest reason, definitely not the weirdest man! We were still at school, had had a simmering crush on each other for a while. Went to a disco, as they were still called in them days, got to the slow dance ... and he had no smell. I know, right? Even I couldn't explain what I meant! It wasn't that he didn't smell of toiletries or cologne, he didn't smell of anything. My teenage instincts felt like they were dancing with an empty space.

I made some ridiculous excuse, obvs. You can't dump your new boyfriend for smelling like the vast voids of the universe 😳

Have you read Perfume by Patrick Süskind, the protagonist is a man with no smell at all.

Garlicbest · 19/10/2024 22:56

Oodiks · 19/10/2024 22:54

Have you read Perfume by Patrick Süskind, the protagonist is a man with no smell at all.

😮 I have, but never made that connection! Maybe I escaped a relationship with a homicidal fan of rose attar.

BaffledOnceAgain · 19/10/2024 23:56

My previous partner was shown the door for:
A) Having a terrible line in dad jokes which were told repeatedly and with terribly inappropriate timing (such as when an elderly man was telling us his friend had died by electrocution and he replied, "How shocking!")
B) Being really terrible at Scrabble.
C) Deciding he wanted to be his daughter's friend instead of going to the effort of parenting her. I lost my respect for him at that point.

leia24 · 20/10/2024 00:00

FUBAR77 · 19/10/2024 22:42

Our first time DTD, much dry/boring thrusting, then out of no where, he got off the bed, knelt on his knees - grabbed some dirty balled up socks from the floor and wanked into them. All while making eye contact and grunting like it was an incredibly sexy thing for me to witness.

When gently questioned afterwards he admitted he thought it was something he thought I’d enjoy as he ex GF always said she loved it…

His ex was definitely just bored of the thrusting and wanted it to end so encouraged the sock thing 🤣🤣

Osirus · 20/10/2024 00:44

SlovenlyOldSlut · 19/10/2024 22:13

So I promise I don’t exclusively date weirdos! But these stick out in my mind…

This is going back a good few years now, but I dated someone who couldn’t cope with me wearing a coat. Every time we went out it was, “So you’ve brought your coat again have you? We’ve got to lug that thing about with us all night, have we?” As if it was Princess Diana’s bloody bridal train. Once he was virtually begging me to wear “one of his big jumpers” instead. I kept asking why he had such a problem with me carrying a coat and he said, “You look really awkward!” What’s awkward about a coat?!

Another one didn’t understand microwaves. Or, more accurately, why you would own one. I’d been for dinner at his place when the phone rang and it turned out to be urgent. He came back and apologised for keeping me waiting for dinner; I said “No problem; we can just stick it in the microwave”. He looked utterly bewildered and kept repeating “Microwave?”, as if he’d never heard of the concept.

Okay, I thought, he hasn’t got one - but he just seemed completely confused at the idea anyone would. He was saying, “But what would I use it for?”, as if I’d suggested he should buy a unicorn. I said, “Well, reheating food! And things like scrambled egg, baked beans…” He just looked at me in total confusion, saying, “But I’d use a pan. I’d warm the food in the oven. Why would I have a microwave?” It was just too weird. I couldn’t ever feel aroused by him again.

I agree with him about the microwave - I do have one. But I’d definitely not use one for heating baked beans or scrambled egg. Much better in a pan.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 20/10/2024 01:18

FrogSplash · 19/10/2024 22:30

He serenaded me with the banjo immediately after having sex. He was still naked.

The sex wasn't great anyway but the banjo gave me the ick.

Banjo? Yes, that was certainly a major faux pas.
I am pretty sure had he serenaded you with a ukulele you would still be together.

BrieHugger · 20/10/2024 01:23

Massive argument about how to prep sprouts. It wasn’t the main reason after four years together, but it started the row that ended it.

ISeriouslyDoubtIt · 20/10/2024 01:32

When I noticed that when he was asleep one of his upper eyelids didn't quite reach the bottom one so a sliver of white of eye was still visible. Turned my stomach so had to finish it.

BabstheBounder · 20/10/2024 01:33

He wore a waistcoat similar in style to those worn by pan piping buskers. He was not a pan piping busker.

He also turned up at my flat when he knew I was out and told my flatmate all about how he was going to marry me, that we would move to Germany and I would never need to work.

The waistcoat incident came first, that gave me the major ick. The detailed life plan just cemented my need to never see him again.

A.different man was dumped because he had strangely long arms and once tried to feed me strawberries and it made me feel like a toddler, not horny like he hoped. I didn't tell him that. I told him it was because he was still in love with his ex. Turned out that he was, they got back together and lived happily ever after. I was happy for them because it was True Love and happy for me because I didn't have to ever again see his long arms coming at me with strawberries.

Blueuggboots · 20/10/2024 02:02

We were chatting on the phone having a conversation about different brands of cheese and onion crisps.....a very boring man!!!!