I feel so sad that dd16 is on her own so much of the time

[TheWholeShackShimmies]

Dd16 left school in September. She has had an update and down journey with her friendship groups during the secondary years. Girls can be so mean to each other.

She had one friend who imo was extremely flakey but dd got on ok with her. Dd and this friend decided to do the same course at college but the friend dropped out on day 2 and has now moved to live with her mum which is a 4 hour round trip away so dd doesn't see her anymore. She has made a few friends at college and gets on ok during the 3 days a week that she is there but they all have boyfriends and are occupied with them over the weekends and they don't seem interested in catching up with the other girls (or dd) so she spends so much time on her own, in her bedroom or with me. It breaks my heart because she is desperate to make new friends and have a bit of a social life.

We have tried every avenue to help her make new friends. She isn't at all sporty nor does she hold any interest in any sport based activities but we have looked into many other clubs in our area but so many are for either much older or younger people. Youth clubs seems to be for kids up to 13/14. I registered her for the Police cadets but they are full until end of next year, the girl guides had no registered interest for the 15-16 year group so have closed that group down. She looked into various volunteering jobs but they all have much older people and although she is fine with older people she understandably wants friends from her own age group. She has also applied for endless part time jobs in our area but never here's back.

How on earth is she going to make more friends? I really worry about her as she is getting quite low about it all now.

Sorry, didn't read properly, but is your daughter actually unhappy to be on her own, or is it you who feels sad about it?
In my time (🙄) I would have thrived to be left on my own even more, at 16, thirty years ago.
No problem with that.

If she had any interest in spirituality at all, churches are bloody brilliant for creating a built-in social life.

But if she doesn't fancy getting involved in religion that would be totally understandable!

What about a part time job for her. Somewhere like mcds or similar where there's often lots of young staff.

The RAF cadets are fab. Also everyone 18 and over is dbs checked. My dc love it, and one of them is an very unlikely cadet:) I would go so far as to say its changed their lives, given them experience, training, friendships with peers from all walks of life. They might not end up in the forces but they have had a lot of fun, risen through ranks in the cadets and is a game changer on their cvs.

Have a look at her volunteering as a helper at scouts/cubs/beavers or guides/brownies etc. My dd has made friends that way.

If she isn't sporty how about some arts based clubs? Is there a Youth Theatre near you or a Drama Club at college? If she can sing, could she join a choir? Or try a creative writing class or art club, or learn a skill like dressmaking?

How about keeping fit in non-sporty ways? Are there any classes at college in yoga or tai chi or similar? Or mindfulness meditation classes?

Encourage her to keep applying for work - she'll get a job eventually.

It's very hard on them when they just haven't yet met the people they connect with. It took DS years to find good friendships but when he did, they seem to have lasted.

It does seem as though most socialising is online amongst this age group. Dd says the people she knows are always at home at the weekends (sees it on their Snapchat locations).

She has applied for so many jobs but never hears back.

It really does seem very much the case these days, which I find quite sad as I used to be out all the time at that age but I suppose it is what it is.

She has just applied so fingers crossed on that one.

RAF cadets has changed my child's life for the better. Hope your girl finds her tribe soon.

We found that. Ended up going old school and printing a letter and cv. She only took it to two places and the first one got in touch and she’s worked there 6 months. Don’t bother with indeed etc. good luck.

I would add that dd likes hanging out with us and our relationship has shifted from authority mum to supportive friend/mum. Just be there for her so she’s not isolated.

Can she invite them to the cinema/shopping a week or so in advance so they can make plans ahead of the boyfriend? That’s such a shame for such a young age they are already doing that. Or a Friday after college? Or go straight from college one day?

That's really good to know, hopefully we will hear from them soon.

I think we may need to do that too. Ds actually got his first part time job at 16 by writing to the shop owners who just opened a new store near us, they gave him the job because he was the only one who took the time to do that and were really impressed.

Dd and I are very close, we do a lot together over the weekend but I have some chronic health issues and can't always go out so she needs friends of her own age.

I've asked her that, she says she has asked but they all seem to want to hang out with their boyfriends.

Every evening and weekend? Maybe she could try to arrange a ‘girls’ shopping trip or something? These girls sound obsessed!

A bit random this, but has she tried indoor climbing? I'm a grown up and have now found friends there which I though was impossible at my age! DS has made friends, and it's good for you too which is a real bonus.

Sounds like she struggles to make friends.

I'd second the village and school pantos for makeup practice.

She could volunteer for Parkrun. No sporty interest necessary at all, just lots of potential new friends. Or do you have a dog? She could Park Walk with the dog.

I know how hard it can be to encourage them out. My DS is the same. It's a struggle.

Why doesn't she see if she can get a part time job in a beauty salon and she will meet people with the same interests