I feel so sad that dd16 is on her own so much of the time

[TheWholeShackShimmies]

Dd16 left school in September. She has had an update and down journey with her friendship groups during the secondary years. Girls can be so mean to each other.

She had one friend who imo was extremely flakey but dd got on ok with her. Dd and this friend decided to do the same course at college but the friend dropped out on day 2 and has now moved to live with her mum which is a 4 hour round trip away so dd doesn't see her anymore. She has made a few friends at college and gets on ok during the 3 days a week that she is there but they all have boyfriends and are occupied with them over the weekends and they don't seem interested in catching up with the other girls (or dd) so she spends so much time on her own, in her bedroom or with me. It breaks my heart because she is desperate to make new friends and have a bit of a social life.

We have tried every avenue to help her make new friends. She isn't at all sporty nor does she hold any interest in any sport based activities but we have looked into many other clubs in our area but so many are for either much older or younger people. Youth clubs seems to be for kids up to 13/14. I registered her for the Police cadets but they are full until end of next year, the girl guides had no registered interest for the 15-16 year group so have closed that group down. She looked into various volunteering jobs but they all have much older people and although she is fine with older people she understandably wants friends from her own age group. She has also applied for endless part time jobs in our area but never here's back.

How on earth is she going to make more friends? I really worry about her as she is getting quite low about it all now.

How come she hasn't made friends at college? Doesn't her college have any clubs or societies?

Has she tried meetup.com? Local Facebook groups?

As suggested am dram is a great way of meeting people.

Raf cadets. £10 a month, twice a week, loads of activities and friendly, travel, all sorts. Look on their website.

She'd love to find something like that but there doesn't seem to be anything like that in our area but I'll start looking a little more into it for her.

She has applied for absolutely loads of PT jobs heard nothing yet but she has started to apply for Xmas work so fingers crossed something will come up.

Oh great idea, thank you.

She does ask but they are always out with their bf.

She has made friends at college (see my updates) but they all see their boyfriends at the weekends.

We have looked into clubs at college but there doesn't seem to be anything on.

I did ask on our local FB group but it seems many others are having the same issue. It's a large town/city but doesn't seem to be much on for that age group (unless we are just not looking in the right place).

Will try meetup though, thanks.

Hopefully, I do tell her that it's early days.

Can she do halloween make up? Maybe she can do a few examples and take photos to show the drama groups? One of my dc used to exhibit their artwork on an online group. I can't remember what it was now as it was years ago, but there used to be competitions and chat about style etc.

Thank you, I didn't think of the RAF cadets (and we are a garrison town as well!).

Any chance of you or DH or a friend teaching her to drive? I know she can't drive on public roads until 17 but my mother (& an 18-year-old friend) taught me on a private road (and a playground that we had access to) when I was 16. By the time I was 17 I was ready to take the test.
I say all this because it changed my life. Even if she doesn't get her own car immediately, it's really a game-changer being able to drive.
I've never looked back (well, except when I'm reversing lol).

I meant in the sense that she doesn't particularly like football, tennis, hockey etc. We are just not a family interested in sport but we do keep fit and active by cycling and walking etc. She is more than happy to be active.

I hear you!

I've got two girls 19 & 17 and their teenage years are not what I would have wished friendship wise.
The Teens just seem to go out less. Friday/Saturday night is not big. They don't seem to do big several mixed groups meeting up so it's just twos here, boyfriend&girlfriend hanging out.

We're rural so I encourage lots of work which I taxi them to and from.
Local farmers is very popular but mine weren't too keen.
Yoga? Sometimes table tennis or ice & roller skating has teen groups
Choir - look at county level
Mix of ages often puts teen troubles in perspective, it's great. Keeps them busy.
For a future in make up I'd be encouraging anything similar, shadowing a wedding make up artist, Saturday in the hair dressers, face painting at school fetes/festivals anything to keep her busy.
Am Drama suggested above sounds good. Keep looking, they start and stop as people do.
Most of these things won't lead to finding BFFs but it keeps their confidence up which helps find friends at college.
And I try never to be bitchy or judgemental when they mention other teens behaviour. Always positive or neutral at worst.

I did not expect to be still in anyway involved in teen 'playdates' but I really think it's worth the time and effort for their mental health.

Good idea, thanks.

Maybe also the dancing schools. It might be tricky with safeguarding but she may be able to help out with their shows.

She is very eager to drive and I do believe that will open up her world when she passes. My dh did the same for me when I learnt to drive at 17 but it is becoming increasingly difficult to find private ground to practice on and of course she wouldn't be insured so I'd worry about my car getting damaged.
She is having some Young Driver lessons for Xmas though.

Omg this is vile 🤣

OP, I feel you, mine is younger but fell out with her BFF and has new friends but they're already in their little twosomes or spend their time with bf/gf and weekends sometimes make me feel a bit sad as she spends a lot of her time with me. She has plenty of friends that she texts etc, it's not that she is 'too fat' as the quoted poster suggests, and she goes to hobbies and dances competitively, it's just that the fall out with her best friend has meant she isn't really in a pair for going out etc any more and that's what they all seem to do, just go out with 1 other friend unless its a party which she does get invited to.

Thank you, that's so helpful.

Dd does say that most of her peer group do not appear to go out much. I also have a ds19 but he is completely different, always out with mates or his gf, he used to go fishing lots which was very sociable and now heavily in to cars which has made him more friends too but for DD it's been so different with her interests which is understandable.

We are semi-rural and I have suggested the Young Farmers but sadly she wasn't interested. I may me tuon it again just incase.

It definitely is so very important for their mental health, I totally agree

AmDram would be ideal with her interests. An all-ages club could be ideal as there's less pressure to make friends with her immediate age group. Instead, just being in a low-key group situation, socialising and using her skills could be a boost to her confidence.

No, she is very slim, attractive and loves her make up and doing her hair. Just sad to see her all done up and nowhere to go around the weekend.