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Original poster

Does anyone have a nice MiL?

129 replies

wonderings2 · 17/10/2024 14:58

I've seen loads of threads recently where people are having an awful time with their Mother in laws, so I thought Id ask...

I have a lovely MiL, some of the things she has done/does

  • Said she wouldn't come and visit after DD was born until I was ready for guests even though she was beside herself with excitement.
  • Always brought round a cottage pie when DD was small to save me cooking.
  • Asks SiL to help her chose (and order online) when she buys DD clothes so she gets something she knows I'll like.
  • Snuck a bag of ironing out of the house and text me afterwards as she knew Id never agree to her taking it.
  • Never interferes between me and DH or comments on how we parent.
  • When DD went through a phase of playing shops she saved all her food packaging & receipts, put together a till with real money and set up a life size shop in her living room and played shops for hours. 😅

Thought I'd share something nice - most of my posts are moans 😂

OP posts:
SockFluffInTheBath · 17/10/2024 16:28

My MIL is quite possibly the sweetest, kindest person I have ever met. We’ve always got on. She has Alzheimer’s now and it breaks my heart. Cherish the lovely ones while you can.

SqueegieBeckenheimer · 17/10/2024 16:33

My son in law does 😂
I don't though...

Donkeyfromshrek · 17/10/2024 16:33

I have one of the lovely ones, but I do agree with some PP's it does take two. I bite my tongue when MIL does things that wind me up, like let her dog chase my cats, and I am sure there are things I do that annoy her, but she is polite enough not to say. It boils down to us both being basically reasonable people who realise we need to make the effort to get along. It helps that she brought up a thoroughly decent son, and I am very grateful to her for that.

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marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 17/10/2024 16:37

I get on quite well with mine too, and she has some very good qualities. I'd say she's been a bit distant as a grandma, but as a person other than that, she's very nice. She doesn't interfere, either. I've learned to accept what she does offer, without focusing on what she doesn't. Oh, and I ignore her political opinions 🤣.

stayathomer · 17/10/2024 16:44

Yes, she’s a legend!! Due to health can’t help tons but always there to give encouragement or help with moral support. Has helped us out so much. We didn’t always gel as much as we do now but you get older you get perspective (and start behaving exactly like dm and dmil😅)

Superworm24 · 17/10/2024 16:45

Mine is lovely. But very full on. I could probably have a good moan and you'd think she is very overbearing. I have, at times struggled with her behaviour. She would definitely have not picked me to be her DIL. I suppose we are just both flawed.

ShiftySquirrel · 17/10/2024 16:47

Mine was lovely too. I still miss her. (Died in COVID.)

theeyeofdoe · 17/10/2024 16:51

My first one was lovely. I flew out to Spain for her funeral when she passed away.

my second one is a complete joy sucking PITA.

SPsmama · 17/10/2024 16:59

My MIL is an absolute angel, I spend more time with her than my husband does 🤣

It's my own mum that's the problem 🫠 DH doesn't see her the same way I do.

willitevergetwarm · 17/10/2024 17:00

My first one was awful and hasn't spoken to my DD's for about 20 years for no reason other than they wouldn't not speak to their Grandad who she was divorced from long before either of them came along
My current one, who I'm keeping forever, is amazing, supportive, generous, and just generally a good person

Liveheretoo · 17/10/2024 17:02

I do and even though I have been divorced for many years, she is still one of my closest friends.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 17/10/2024 17:07

@wonderings2

I guess you are also a lovely DIL who wants to get on with people rather than find fault. I'm pretty sure that there are other people on here who would be mortally offended at their MIL bringing her home made cottage pie round - and as for sneaking off with your ironing, that sounds like a whole thread of its own !

I think I'm trying to say that one person's helpful is another person's overbearing, but equally there will be MILs standing back to give the family space and will then be accused of showing no interest.

The important thing is to recognise good intentions - on both sides.

ShowerOfShites · 17/10/2024 17:09

Yes, I love my MIL and my ex MIL (even though I divorced her son 24 years ago).

Holotropic · 17/10/2024 17:09

No, but we have a perfectly nice relationship, because I am a paragon of tolerance.

Tisfortired · 17/10/2024 17:11

Depends how you’d define ‘nice.’ I bumped heads with mine a few times at the beginning (including once where she literally screamed at me) and completely and totally overstepped boundaries with my DC (eg took my first DC to Clark’s for his first pair of shoes when I was at work) I lost my temper big time after that and she hasn’t done anything like it since, in fact she’s gone the opposite way and we barely see her. When we do she is distant and polite which suits me.

DoAsYouWouldBeMumBy · 17/10/2024 17:11

Mine was a gem, but she died just before we got married :(

eg, first Christmas when we had DS, I was on maternity leave and skint - she sent us a big fat cheque, a big posh hamper with wine and treats, and a classy wooden toy for DS, which he still has, 17 years later 💓

Cranberrycake · 17/10/2024 17:33

Such a lovely thread!! I really want to be one of these amazing MILs in future 🥰

Sadly I got a MIL who expects waiter service, complains endlessly, doesn’t put her hand in her pocket and makes pass-agg comments about our DC “being very noisy, aren’t they” and starts sentences with “well I thought [make up something she knows nothing about]”. She’s draining.

Also got a step-MIL who is a bossy narcissist who expects everyone to dance to her tune and is a nasty bitch if she hears the word no!!

I don’t have a mum sadly. I must have been really naughty in a previous life to get my two MILs 😂

Gigihadid · 17/10/2024 17:40

My MIL is a nice decent woman, but at the same time is quite self centred and opinionated where her opinions are sometimes not required. I often feel like she’s trying to tell me how to parent our child, so although she’s fundamentally a good person, I find her challenging. People/relationships are complex.

Bectoria2006 · 17/10/2024 17:54

My MIL is mad as a hatter and we love her for it. She is very sociable, opinionated and a bit bonkers but also very kind, caring and generous.

My dad once said she should have her own TV show!

Nomither · 17/10/2024 17:59

Mine was a wonderful woman, I miss her so much x

Funkyslippers · 17/10/2024 18:03

I had a lovely mil. She was very straight talking and quite demanding to OH. She was Polish and stood for no nonsense! But I honestly thought she'd go on for ever so it was a shock when she had a stroke & passed away 10 years ago

TripleCarber · 17/10/2024 18:06

No unfortunately mine is horrible. I wanted to have a relationship with her, but we are all no-contact with dh’s family now. She is an alcoholic, liar and stole money from us by taking out credit cards and bills in dh’s name fraudulently.
she’s not fussed about any of her grand kids (or kids) so it’s a shame.

sarahanddig · 17/10/2024 18:07

Yes she's nice but she's totally not with it. A few years ago she was diagnosed with schizophrenia after a bad episode of depression and voices in her head etc.
she seems to love me but it's very hard to have a conversation with her, she can't offer any advice, wisdom or insight into her life. DH gets irritated with her because she messages him a lot of random texts, and she'll call him at random times of the day when she knows he's working,
She's got a lot of family around her including SIL and her own parents,
Our kids don't really have much of a relationship with her,
So yeah, she's lovely and sweet but there's issues and it's not great but I'd rather have a MIL like this any day over an interfering bossy and dominating MIL.

MaJoady · 17/10/2024 18:25

I think a MIL relationship is a tricky one, either to a DIL or SIL. There's an intimacy to the title that you can't really develop until you have known each other for a long time, and only if both parties are tolerant, and open to developing that relationship.

My mum is very much the matriarch and I know my DH struggles with that. She is opinionated, but would genuinely have no issues with someone telling her to back off. That's just how communication works in my family. Whereas my DH's family do the "nice to your face, offended behind your back" style of communication. Which I then really struggle with, as I don't feel like I have the security of knowing exactly where I stand. But DH feels he can't possibly tell my mum that he doesn't like x. However, we are all tolerant and open to each other and as the years pass will hopefully learn to understand each other better and the relationship will develop.

It also helps that we (me and DH) aren't the favourites!

StressedQueen · 17/10/2024 18:34

Well she's a good and kind person but clearly favours her younger son over my DH and subsequently favours his child. Never mind that she has 5 other grandchildren who are deeply saddened by this treatment. But she's so sweet to my brother-in-law and niece, and they have been through quite a lot and need support so it could be seen as fair, even though she treats us horribly