Thread 15 - TalkLair: “I Can't Lie To You About Your Chances, But... You Have My Sympathies.”

[Kucinghitam]

(Previous thread 14).

Autumn seems to have gone straight into winter. It's cold, wet and windy. In the TalkLair, the hearth is glowing, the walls covered in dubious artwork, books by non-approved authors line the shelves, rugs are down on the floors (and assorted pets curled up on them). The denizens of the lair are a welcoming bunch though, always eager for general chit-chat on all manner of topics.

We just won’t mention the gnawed bones of our prey over there in the corner of the cave…

I have made neither Christmas cake nor Christmas pudding because nobody on this side of the Atlantic except for some expat Brits (and my DH) seems to like it, and they're quite expensive to make and rather fattening if he and I end up eating them all.

Nor have I written one single Christmas card. I have actually given up sending actual cards - instead I send a round robin letter (personalised a bit for some people) by email, with a Christmassy picture on it. Some people hate round robins but that's what the delete button is for. Speaking for myself, I love getting them and finding out what people I rarely see have been doing this year.

I have, however, not only finished my Christmas shopping but wrapped all the gifts (OK stuck them in gift bags with tissue paper on top). I have made a metric shit-ton of jams and chutneys in November and December, and these figure heavily in my gift parcels.

That’s impressive Christmassing, Brit! I still have no idea what most of my presents will be. Having anything to wrap is a long way off!

I showed my brother the size pudding basin right for the recipe I was using and he committed to finishing it. He’s super-skinny from cycling and working his allotment but can be relied upon to polish off Christmas baked goods (and cake in general, really). It’s fair to say we have very different metabolisms!

Very effective tree and amazing preserve-making @Britinme! So sorry to hear of your missing baubles @MouseMinge, I really get how they become like special friends somehow - I do hope you find them!

@Gonners the tree remains serenely unmolested, Mochi seems completely uninterested in it and has barely even spared it a glance I'm not sure she has got the relevant memo-to-cats! To be fair, Phoebe was never that interested in the tree either, apart from being obsessed with drinking out of the tree base.

Went to visit FiL at the weekend and he surreptitiously handed me several boxes of GCSE revision cards - apparently we are to wrap these up as his Christmas presents to DDs DH and I thanked him profusely but have decided to replace these with a more festive set of gifts - perhaps some jolly nose-hair tweezers? (The cards are a actually a very useful idea and will be great for testing DDs' subject knowledge, we've started using them as fun family quiz cards because that's how we rock ChezKuc).

Nose hair tweezers....

😂

fun family quiz cards

Now there's a phrase.

Haha.

If anyone wants a light laugh, these faux legalistic efforts of divorced men to exercise control over adult children are entertaining:

Come and have a laugh at my ex husband of you need cheering up! www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/5232904-come-and-have-a-laugh-at-my-ex-husband-of-you-need-cheering-up

BTW: we need another word for children (sons and daughters over the age of 14, say). And 'child', especially. 'Adult children' is a tautology, and just sounds wrong. And referring to 17 year olds, and even 25-30 year olds, as 'child' just sounds wrong. There's 'offspring', but that's clumsy. I wonder if other languages arrange it better. What about German, they have word for everything, don't they?

That thread is a real classic!

I read the first page of that thread, and my first thought was, can anyone possibly be that stupid? Some threads seem very hard to credit.

I have found my adult children far more problematic than when they actually were children. 46y/o DS1, as I have mentioned before, is autistic, which we did not realise when he was a child because in the early 80s they just didn't figure that out if a child was high-functioning in many respects. He was diagnosed at 33 and it explains a lot. Having been sleeping in a van he no longer has from February through September, he now at least has a room in an HMO back in the UK. However, he's just had the sack from his job and is currently staying with me for Christmas. This means I am going to have to cover his rent for at least January and maybe February, as UC doesn't kick in for six weeks. I also took him to the dentist here yesterday, as he hasn't been able to get a dental appointment (probably hasn't tried tbh) and his mouth is in an awful state - three fillings and four extractions, four extensive cleaning sessions and gum disease - which is horrendously expensive here without dental insurance, but at least we'll get them done.

Having had one preliminary cleaning session, X rays and an examination yesterday, he's now having the extractions tomorrow and the fillings on Monday, and the cleanings before he goes home on January 3rd. And then when he went to bed last night, I realised he hadn't cleaned his teeth.

Why doesn't he just spit in my face? I am so pissed off with him. Maybe I should just let him get abscesses? But I can't bring myself to do that.

That is so tough, Brit.

God that sound like hard work, Brit! And expensive hard work at that.

I think my brother would probably be diagnosed with autism if he were a child now but it really wasn’t a thing in the 50s/60s when he was actually a child. He’s pretty capable of getting on with stuff though and a much more regular dental patient than me!

GCSE revision cards do sound like a bit of a disappointment as a Christmas present but a very good thing to have.

I have now written Christmas cards (not many but it’ll do) and plan to put the tree up later. Hope my baubles haven’t gone astray. I don’t have any I’m sentimental about but the lack of sparkle would be disappointing. Plus, some of them contain gin!

My big task now though is presents. Booze will work for some of the adults but not for the five year olds (one of whom is also about to need a sixth birthday present). I am not good at this!

(((@Britinme ))) That sounds so very frustrating!

Oh! I've just noticed a change to the Thanks button - now we have a choice of reactions!

I would have liked a DFOD option, too.

What does that one mean?

I liked the bare simplicity of the earlier approach. There's too many bells and whistles in the world!

Oh, got it now!

I like having the new options because sometimes "thank you" just sounds odd. It's probably best that we don't have an angry emoji or an "are you mental" one, but good lord sometimes we could do with them, it would save a lot of word typing. Then again so would taking a deep breath and not typing the words which is what I generally do but, well, etc.

@Britinme I'm sorry that you're having to deal with so much and I'm not even going to begin to pretend I can imagine what it must be like because I have no idea. I'll be a little fair to your DS and say that it is SO hard to get NHS dental care in the UK at the moment. I'm currently without a dentist because of this. I have no doubt that he's not helped himself but the way things are at the moment he could have been trying his best and maybe still be in the same situation of being without one. Of course the lack of dental hygiene is another problem in and of itself and again, I'm so sorry. You're a wonderful mother, you really are and I hope you never forget that.

I got a Bloom and Wild miniature Christmas tree yesterday sent by a friend who had no idea that I'd not been able to get a real tree or my missing ornaments and me being upset about it. I was so delighted! It comes with teeny tiny lights - batteries included! - a shiny garland of little flat crackers, little felt ornaments (three carrots, a turkey, Brussel sprouts, mince pie and Christmas pudding, and a felt crown to go on the tree. The "pot" is gold pretend leather, there is soil around the tree and extra for planting in the pot and moss to cover it all up. AND it smells divine!

The friend and I had fallen out of touch for a number of years for no reason at all but you know how the longer it is since you've talked to someone and then time stretches and blah. I decided to see if I could get in touch with her. I'd lost her number and so tried a couple of email addresses. This was probably the 7th July. She got back to me but I was then in hospital having my big operation! The poor woman, hears from me and then I fall off the face of the earth again! Anyway, once I was out of ICU and able to deal with emails again I got back to her and we're now back in touch and I'm so glad. I missed her.

Given that the biscuit is such a tradition, that does seem a significant omission.

Also an 'I'm sorry, that's a shit/infuriating situation' one would be handy for posts like Brit's. No idea what that might look like, though.

The little emoticon of the top of someone's head exploding would work for that one. I'm so sorry, @Britinme - what a tricky situation for you, and I would be raging too. Have you had a discussion with him? Does he connect the lack of brushing with the need for massive, painful, pricey dentistry?

How lovely to get a mini surprise Christmas tree @MouseMinge - a great festive surprise and Bloom and Wild stuff is great so it’s always good to receive.