Thread 15 - TalkLair: “I Can't Lie To You About Your Chances, But... You Have My Sympathies.”

[Kucinghitam]

(Previous thread 14).

Autumn seems to have gone straight into winter. It's cold, wet and windy. In the TalkLair, the hearth is glowing, the walls covered in dubious artwork, books by non-approved authors line the shelves, rugs are down on the floors (and assorted pets curled up on them). The denizens of the lair are a welcoming bunch though, always eager for general chit-chat on all manner of topics.

We just won’t mention the gnawed bones of our prey over there in the corner of the cave…

duc748 · Today 14:10

I'm still in shock from a busy MN thread branding my town as a shit-hole!

Egad! That's harsh, everyone knows it's a dung heap!

😃

But when insults turn closer to home, Sinner, the sense of humour can often take a back seat.

Is it worse to have a shit-hole town or a shit-head husband?

On towns, opinions can vary. On shithead husbands, not so much.

Most towns and cities have a little of the shit hole about them if you look hard enough. If the shit hole is the northern town beginning with W, I've never been but it's always struck me that it's a decent place. I don't doubt it has dodgy parts but that's brexit Britain after 14 years of a shitehawk government for you.

The shithead husband is breath takingly awful!

Just that, Mouse. It is a decent place, and, of course, home of the World Champions! 😀I only read the OP of the shit husband thread. I assumed it was a spoof. If not, bloody hell!

That. Would have been the fastest LTB for me, though I might have handed him a bill for US surrogacy rates plus childcare plus housekeeping plus cookery plus sex work.

When I'm tempted to bemoan my single parent state, I see a thread like that and realise things could be so much worse...

Having said that, I had a letter from the council recently querying whether I was entitled to my single person discount on council tax as they had data about another person living here. I assumed they were referring to my daughter now being over 18 and on the electoral register, so I got her to obtain a letter showing she was in full-time education and hence didn't need to pay council tax yet. They've just got back in touch to say their records show someone I've never heard of living here and demanding I account for this, including why I have a financial connection. Other than denying it,, I'm not sure what I can do - apart from waiting for some ghastly fraud to unravel. Even when you're alone, mythical fraudulent people still fuck you over!

Gosh x 2.

I wonder if you've been a victim of (or an attempt at) identity theft, @weaseleyes .

That's my fear, duc, but it's hard to know what's going on as the council seems to be trying to catch me out at present. I haven't seen any unusual mail/transactions or anything, but I'm pretty worried something horrible will come to light.

Goodness, @weaseleyes ... that sounds mad! But we seem to be an address of choice for people who get threatening letters from debt-collectors. I only found out when I accidentally opened something addressed to Neither Of Us, Our Address. Usually I'd just stick it back in the postbox. There was another in the same post, different name but same sender. Obviously I (non-accidentally) opened that too and both showed identical Paypal debts for some really trivial amount like £9.83. So I rang the debt collectors, who were totally unsurprised. They said they'd flag it up so that (with luck) they won't bother us again. I wonder if this is somehow related to your problem with the council?

How irritating, Weasel. Worth a check on your credit files to see if anything shows up?

That's very worrying @weaseleyes! I'm guessing it must be some dodgy person using your address for something.

Having said that, not long after I moved to London and into my first flat, I got a very threatening letter from Southwark Council. Apparently I (or rather somebody with the same surname but a different initial) owed them months of council tax from previous years plus penalty fees. This was the first time I had lived in London proper, my flat was not in Southwark, and at this stage I had never knowingly set foot in Southwark borough.

Bewildered, I rang the Southwark phone number provided, to be (genuinely) harangued by the person on the other end, about how I was a liar and a criminal and I wasn't going to get away with it as they would pursue me to the end. Debt collectors, CCJs and bailiffs were all winging their way to me. This was pretty terrifying since I was in my first real job, foreign and on a work permit, and my previous residence was a student house not subject to council tax with no utility bills there in my name.

My lovely colleagues helped me to write a very angry letter, pointing out that this was clearly a fishing exercise based on my surname alone, which they would hardly have bothered doing for anybody called Smith, threatening a complaint of harassment in return. I did include a copy of a redacted bank statement at my old address.

Then I heard nothing for months, until eventually they sent another letter with one line saying "no further action". No apology or anything.

A house we bought in Wolverhampton seemed to have been used as a crack den and someone, Hell's Angels were suspected, had ripped out the electrics and trashed some of the inside. It was cheap! We got started on fixing it up and made it into a lovely place. One day a card was dropped through the door from the local police. On it were the words 'We called today to' and there were check box options for the reason for calling and the one ticked was 'to arrest you'. All sorted out quickly but the card made us laugh.

Blimey, Weasel, I hope you get it sorted out in good order.

Councils can be absolutely rubbish, as I found out 20 years ago. They sent a letter saying that I was in debt for council tax, as I'd cancelled my direct debit - I hadn't.

I went to see them and they told me I had on a certain date, when I was on an 8 week trip at sea. I paid the arrears and set up a new one. I got back from my next trip and found I had a CCJ and court fees.

I went to my bank and explained and they told me the DD had been cancelled by the council and wrote a letter to say that. I took that, along with my discharge book and receipt for paying my arrears, to the council.

The guy was rude and begrudgingly agreed to have the CCJ removed and told me It was my fault for cancelling the DD. He steadfastly refused to accept the proof that I hadn't. He said I was aggressive - I wasn't - and threatened to have me arrested and banned from the building.

I asked about the complaints procedure and he said that I wasn't allowed to complain!

I gave up.

We recently sold a house, completed it (mate) on a Thursday. I emailed the local council to that effect, asking for a final bill.

They replied that the new owner had informed them that her liability had commenced on the Monday and did I have any evidence for ownership changing on Thursday? I was moderately miffed at the implication that I was spinning them a yarn, so sent them a copy of the completion letter from the Thursday and signed off with 'I realise that this makes almost no difference at all, but the facts are the facts'.
Ten weeks later a letter 'we have updated our records accordingly'. Not sure how the buyer got on, but it's really not my problem!

When my (autistic) elder DS was still in his flat, he neglected to pay the council tax for at least a year, and attempts to set up automated payments from his bank account failed because he usually didn't have enough money in there (he was off and on UC a lot). In the end I ended up paying it to get him out of trouble, and although he was evicted last February I am still paying the backlog at a rate of £230 a month (finishes in March thank goodness). When I pointed this out to him he looked bewildered and couldn't understand why I was still paying it when he no longer lived there. He refuses to believe me when I explain that he could go to jail for non-payment.

Right now, having slept in the back of his van from February to the end of September, he's in an HMO and has a job. The HMO suits him better than his flat as there is literally only one bill to pay and it's due the day after he gets paid.

That must be a huge worry for you, Brit. He's grown up, but the worrying never stops.

He's been a worry to me for the last twenty years or more,@Vegemiteandhoneyontoast.He was 24 when I got married and moved over here, and I've been pulling him out of one hole or another ever since. The autism wasn't diagnosed until he was 33 - if I'd known it sooner I don't think I could have come over here to live, because he was too old to come on my application. As it was, I thought (and so did his dad, who died when he was 20) that he was just a late developer and would grow up more sensible.

As it is, he's a lovely person - kind hearted, generous to a fault when he has anything to be generous with, funny and good company even though he and I don't share many interests. If you met him, you probably wouldn't notice anything unusual for a while, but it would eventually dawn on you that there is something off-beat about him. He's got a great work ethic - currently working for a grounds maintenance company, which suits him well, and he tries to be first in the yard every morning. However, for everyday functioning of things that most of us by the age of 46 have taken in our stride as necessary, like paying bills on time and not ignoring regulations when it doesn't suit him, he's not always there yet.

That must be really difficult for him, I hope he can find some stability in life. Is anyone else looking out for him?

His sister lives about six or seven miles away, but never sees him unless I'm there. Sadly her DH has a bad case of OCD and finds my DS very difficult to be around because he has a "dirty" job - certainly won't have him in the house. And my DD (who has come to his rescue when it comes to dealing with officialdom before now) rather resents being in that position and obviously prioritises her own full time job and the needs of her two DC and her DH. Luckily DS does have some good friends. I've set up my will to put her and my younger DS, who lives here in the USA though the other side of New York from me, as trustees of DS1's inheritance otherwise he'd be conned out of it or spend it very unwisely very quickly.

Sorry to hear that, Brit. Glad he's got you to look out for him.

Hope everyone is safely tucked up out of the storm. A bit wet and rumbly here but still in one piece. Winds are supposed to peak late this afternoon.

I think it must be the extra anxiety that seems to accompany getting older, but storms make me very discombobulated now. I spend a lot of time thinking we're all doomed and catastrophising about terrible damage I won't be able to rectify. However, the thought of blaming any anti-social behaviour on the storm is quite tempting...