People think I’m rich from a rich family… but I’m not!

[rambutann]

I have this strange thing where people I meet or even friends have the impression that I come from a wealthy family. I honestly have no airs and graces, and have friends from a wide array of backgrounds. I speak and dress reasonably well. I don’t ski. I didn’t go to boarding school. But I did go to Cambridge.

My parents are lower-middle class, both teachers. One went to Oxford and boarding school, the other the child of factory workers.

But people just assume I’ve had an easy life and my parents are wealthy which is how I live where I live or have the job I do. But it’s far from it.

Does anyone else get judged for coming from a rich family even though they had a run of the mill upbringing?!

Were you privately educated?

I would have to say I would assume someone who attended Cambridge was a bit above run of the mill middle class. So if people know that before they know many other facts about you that could be the reason.
I certainly wouldn't pass negative judgement on someone who did go there. Quite the opposite.

The first thing I'd assume would be they were very smart, and had parents that cared a lot about their education.
But obviously assumptions should be avoided.
I think everyone should be treated the same regardless of the family's financial or social 'status'.

Are you sure this isn't you just wishing they thought this?

I've met people who pretend that's it's weird how people think they're 'posh' - none of these people sound middle class let alone anything else - they have firmly regional accents associated with working classes / lower middle classes or accents that give away they are from elsewhere (still not posh).
They just want to be 'posh' sounding, like Downton Abbey folk.

I've had some people say they can pass for another race to the one they are from - all these people without exception have been very typical of their actual race. This is worse than the accent pretenders.

I even know a deluded woman who goes around telling people she's a part time model - never modelled anything except for when her friend stole my camera from my room and took naked pictures of her in the shower!
The weirdo also reckons she was a finalist in a modelling show - you pay to enter and her stupid dance and mime routine was cut out, never mind making it to the final 3!
This muppet also thinks she's 5'4 when she's barely 5 feet.

So many delusional people out there!!

It’s those pesky Northern vowel sounds.

I have them too and live in London. A number of people I know have deliberately changed them - grass/bath/France - to my ear it sounds stretched and fake. Accents do of course change over time depending on where you live but I don’t think anyone can make this particular leap without consciously forcing it.

I do remember going to a wedding of an RP sounding woman and spent a while talking to her brother, who had a strong Liverpudlian accent. It made me think less of her.

I've never thought that a job/profession dictates class. Teachers, for example, can come from all classes. It's more down to heritage, upbringing and education in the widest sense of the word.

In social situations when people ask ‘what do you do for a living?’ they aren’t just making conversation. It’s a major class signifier, even if that isn’t a conscious motivation for the question. Everyone’s heritage and upbringing are heavily influenced by their parents’ employment.

@OhTediosity I can't quote your reply on my phone. That's interesting.

How does it follow that in years gone by, women of the gentry who worked became secretaries or nurses which would these days probably be classed as working class ?

"Teacher here. Working class background. Definitely do not see myself as middle class"

Well you are 🤷🏽‍♀️🤣

Because the English class system is heavily patriarchal and a woman’s rank would have been dictated initially by her father’s position and then by her husband’s. The concept of a woman having her own career and therefore her own status is very modern. There is still a vestige of this in the order of precedence; royal women assume their husband’s rank if he is present.

The women that you are thinking of would likely have given up work once they married and almost certainly once they had children.

I'm another one who doesn't understand why this is at all a problem?

Let people think what they think.

@OhTediosity , so are you saying that we view class differently now? But surely the whole class thing stems from the past/ancestry?

https://www.spi.ox.ac.uk/article/in-the-media-born-to-rule-co-authored-by-professor-aaron-reeves

This book sums it up well alongside many other interesting conclusions. The elite remains largely unchanged, they are just trying much harder to convince us all that they are ordinary, average joes, just like the rest of us.

I'm saying that the twentieth century saw unprecedented rates of social change, particularly in relation to women, and the creaky old system which, yes, arguably dates from the arrival of the Normans in 1066 doesn't quite know what to do with women who have their own careers now. The class system certainly hasn't gone anywhere but it is much less overt than it used to be, which arguably makes it rather more insidious.

Why do you care? I personally believe that other peoples opinions of me are none of my business. I know in the past people have made assumptions about my background and I’ve either ignored them or corrected them … but it’s literally made no difference to my life.

Southern RP accent. There is your answer. Accent tells it all. And boarding school (unless forces) and Oxford is not lower middle-class.

What’s the etiquette for getting to know someone via WhatsApp- please advise! Only met him in person once so far…

I get this. Working class northern parents. Moved when I was a child, went to local independent private school (scholership) have horses, lost the Northern accent at school. People are VERY surprised if we discuss background/upbringing!

I get this all the time. I'm from a working-class area. When I was growing up, I used to get bullied by local children for being "posh". I think I have a fairly neutral Irish accent. My father went to an expensive school but his family ended up with financial problems. I didn't think he sounded posh. He was very gently-spoken. My mother had a very gentle "country" accent. I think my parents' accents cancelled each other out so I have a kind of in-between accent. I'm simply not posh.

I’m from a fairly midde-of-the-road background and somehow ended up being quite well spoken. My Mum is also quite well spoken and her background was MOTR too.

And some people really take exception to it, particularly when I was younger. Inverted snobbery is a terrible thing

Were…defo aren’t or after many decades.

People judgements are so so annoying!

Op, just don’t bother. If it isn’t this, it will be that. If it isn’t that, will be something else. There is just no winning at this. Take the good of it, move away from the bad and just carry on.

You can also opt to go out with holes in your clothes 🤣 that will teach them. No seriously, seems you are a catch and people can’t relate to this except if they put a price on it. Sadddd!!!

Posh is an attitude v rich is about money

Class and wealth aren't the same thing tho. You had two very highly educated parents, a little bit of factory worker down the line doesn't change that. Presumably they had similar accents to you, what about cultural interests, footie and dog racing or literature and classical music? Yes I'm stereotyping but class has far more to do with cultural attitudes than money, tho money influences that, it's not the be all and end all.

My DH’s extended family had certain expectations of me because of being from the UK. I think because in their family tree, one line descends from wealthy stock although he wasn’t the first born so was sent o/s to make his mark.

the only other time someone has made that sort of judgement was my SiL, who told her mother “we” only liked people who were wealthy or who earned good money. This came about as several of our friends worked in the airline industry and the only one of them she knew is a Captain. 🤷‍♀️

however she banged on about that not knowing any one else in our friendship circle and to encourage a change of Will direction later in life.

pretty appalling really.

Take it slowly and if he asks for money, run!