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Original poster

When did you stop giving a fuck?

73 replies

rubeexcube · 04/10/2024 20:34

Ten years after my eldest was born I’m still super sensitive and nowhere near as tough as I used to be. I worry - mostly about work but the kids too. I read once that your amygdala enlarges after children - don’t think mine went back.

I am 41. When does this blissful state I’ve seen women talk about, in 40s/50s hit - about not giving a fuck?

OP posts:
ladymalfoy45 · 04/10/2024 20:48

I stopped once I started HRT. So 49.
I still obviously care for my DD but the stuff that took up headspace has gone.

VivaVivaa · 04/10/2024 20:49

Surely this is personality dependent? If you were a type A person before kids you will likely still be a type A person after kids? Im not sure I’ve come across this concept of a guaranteed ‘not giving a f*ck’ phase. Is total ambivalence even something to aspire to anyway? Having negative feelings isn’t a bad thing, as long as you have a healthy way to process them and they don’t become all consuming. I definitely have more stress and worry now than I did pre kids, but it’s made me better at getting stuff done and not letting my own emotions overwhelm me, for example.

Interested what others may think!

1909sunset · 04/10/2024 20:51

I’m starting to get better. I’m 51 and had the worst self doubt in my 40s. Now I just don’t sweat the small stuff so much. I’m sleeping a lot better not overthinking and just giving myself the mantra of fuck it when I start to worry about stupid stuff. Quite liberating.

Donkeyfromshrek · 04/10/2024 20:55

You'll never stop giving a fuck about your DC obviously. As far as the rest of it, I've found as I've hit late 40's I care a lot less about what people think of me.

SunsetSkylane · 04/10/2024 20:58
  1. A lot of things happened in that year and since then I've become much fiercer. No fucks left.
twomanyfrogsinabox · 04/10/2024 21:00

I don't think not giving a fuck is a good place to be. Keep caring.

MattSmithsBowTie · 04/10/2024 21:03

I’m not sure I’ve ever given a fuck, maybe I’d be happier if I did?

Spongebobcircletop · 04/10/2024 21:11

For me it was when something significant and life changing came into my life. My mind seems to compare everything else to that. All the things I would have worried about before seem insignificant now. I'm 34 (seeing as some are asking what age).

Elektra1 · 04/10/2024 21:14

I'm 48 and have spent a lot of my adult life in relationships very much geared around the other person. Which I enabled. Now, after my second divorce and 3 years in to HRT, I give much less of a fuck what other people think. Having been quite a people-pleaser, I dipped my toe in post-divorce dating, met someone, but within a couple of months realised that this person was not listening at all to what I was saying I needed (let's take it slowly). So I ended it. 5 years ago I'd never have done that. Wouldn't have wanted to upset anyone. Likewise I'm changing job, a lot of people have suggested this could be a mistake. Maybe it will be! But my life, my risk. I think I'm finished with keeping everyone else happy. I just want to live a good life and try my best.

PauliesWalnuts · 04/10/2024 21:14

Two things collided really - perimenopause really got into its stride, and a sibling died very suddenly. I was 48. Now I say what I think, when I think it, and do not give one fuck.
I also am in the process of seizing the day but that’s an ongoing process.

bringslight · 04/10/2024 21:14

Recently. Just decided to do it.Not that some age related hormones or whatever can make me do that. I own the mind that rule the whole of me, I command it what to think and to certain extent what to feel also

BirthdayRainbow · 04/10/2024 21:18

When I left my husband. Still care immensely for kids and pets. Everyone else can piss off unless you're my friend.

HerefortheDA · 04/10/2024 21:22

40th birthday. Absolutely zero fucks given any more.

SummerGardenFlowers · 04/10/2024 21:26

I'm gonna say my fucks are getting less and less - I'm 40. Apart from my DH, my two DDs and a couple of close friends everyone can fuck off and they can take their drama with them!!

Findingmypurposeinlife · 04/10/2024 21:27

Elektra1 · 04/10/2024 21:14

I'm 48 and have spent a lot of my adult life in relationships very much geared around the other person. Which I enabled. Now, after my second divorce and 3 years in to HRT, I give much less of a fuck what other people think. Having been quite a people-pleaser, I dipped my toe in post-divorce dating, met someone, but within a couple of months realised that this person was not listening at all to what I was saying I needed (let's take it slowly). So I ended it. 5 years ago I'd never have done that. Wouldn't have wanted to upset anyone. Likewise I'm changing job, a lot of people have suggested this could be a mistake. Maybe it will be! But my life, my risk. I think I'm finished with keeping everyone else happy. I just want to live a good life and try my best.

Very inspirational! I hope your new job works out really well!!! (As i am sure it will)

Disturbia81 · 04/10/2024 21:27

Mid 30s for me and keeps getting better

Susi234 · 04/10/2024 21:28

I'm mid 30's and stopped giving a fuck about my employed job when they deliberately advertised a promotion whilst I was absent having a miscarriage. They informed me on the last day it was out as they knew they had to (I was in hospital). I'd always been a worrier and typically bent over backward to do what my employer asked of me until that point - it was a light bulb moment!

After that and then having a baby around 12 months later I find it much easier not to give two fucks about anybody who doesn't matter - strangers, that specific employer, bad colleagues (I have worked with some lovely people too!) etc. - but I'll always care about the people who do!

ItsVeryHyacinthBucket · 04/10/2024 21:35

VivaVivaa · 04/10/2024 20:49

Surely this is personality dependent? If you were a type A person before kids you will likely still be a type A person after kids? Im not sure I’ve come across this concept of a guaranteed ‘not giving a f*ck’ phase. Is total ambivalence even something to aspire to anyway? Having negative feelings isn’t a bad thing, as long as you have a healthy way to process them and they don’t become all consuming. I definitely have more stress and worry now than I did pre kids, but it’s made me better at getting stuff done and not letting my own emotions overwhelm me, for example.

Interested what others may think!

Off topic, but what does Type A mean, and why do people never talk about themselves as Type B or C?

carly2803 · 04/10/2024 21:36

30s!

Give everything caring wise about my family/children/pets and friends

couldnt give a shit about anything else! or what i look like/dress like and who i piss off

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 04/10/2024 21:36

PauliesWalnuts · 04/10/2024 21:14

Two things collided really - perimenopause really got into its stride, and a sibling died very suddenly. I was 48. Now I say what I think, when I think it, and do not give one fuck.
I also am in the process of seizing the day but that’s an ongoing process.

I dint think this is something to be proud of.

BirthdayRainbow · 04/10/2024 21:39

Some posters are missing the point.

Givng zero fucks doesn't mean not caring about someone. It means not letting things get to us when they don't need to and not being people pleasers.

FatBuccaneer · 04/10/2024 21:42

I'll always be a people-pleaser to some degree because it's hardwired into me, and I doubt I'll ever simply "not give a fuck" - however. I let go of a lot of long-held resentments and bitterness once into my 40s, and stopped allowing all the self-doubt to define me. It just lifted and I saw that I was wasting energy on making myself feel bad.

I'm now 52 and largely post-menopausal, and whilst I still care about people, I put up with a lot less bullshit than I did pre-HRT.

Newyearnewnameagain20 · 04/10/2024 21:45

I stopped worrying so much, or indeed noticing so much, what people think of me in my early to mid 40s. Probably combined being too busy caring more about my children and their well-being than anyone’s opinion, and 40s hormones . Also a very generous dollop of therapy in my 30s probably helped

WildFlowerBees · 04/10/2024 21:48

39 when my mum died and shortly after I went into perimenopause. I just stopped giving a shit about things that were of no concern to me.

Other peoples opinions, not my business. Things I absolutely cannot change, not my business. How others behave etc, not my business. I care very much about many other things and have great empathy for others however if it's none of my business I don't get involved.

I just learned to let go of the little things so much in the grand scheme of things doesn't matter.

Susi234 · 04/10/2024 21:49

Also my version of not giving a fuck isn't doing exactly what I want or saying exactly what I feel, it's more feeling content doing my own thing and saying a clear no where others are taking advantage or being CF's.

I'm still motivated by the things that matter, care about things like my appearance (for me not to fit in), work hard (within my hours) and treat others as I'd like to be treated (unless they give me a good reason not to). I also won't be guilted in to things anymore.