When did you stop giving a fuck?

[rubeexcube]

Ten years after my eldest was born I’m still super sensitive and nowhere near as tough as I used to be. I worry - mostly about work but the kids too. I read once that your amygdala enlarges after children - don’t think mine went back.

I am 41. When does this blissful state I’ve seen women talk about, in 40s/50s hit - about not giving a fuck?

You had an epiphany. I think most people have one at some point and then start to live life for themselves.

I've always been pretty chilled, everyone who knows me says that (apparently I took my marriage breakdown far too well and matter of factly, I did say do you want me to breakdown over something I'm glad about!).

If someone doesn't like me, not my problem, if something shit happens not a lot I can do about it. If people don't want to be a part of my life that's their loss not mine. Everything happens for a reason, it's how you react to or deal with it that matters.

By the time I was 18 I really didn't give a fuck, life could throw what it wanted at me but as long as I was myself and true to myself then that's what mattered. My parents (the original 60s hippies) taught us all to be ourselves.

It crept in slowly during my mid forties. Now am a fully paid up member of the 'don't give a crap' club.

About 42. I got to 40 and, like you, wondered 'when does the not giving a fuck state kick in?' Blissful when I realised it finally happened. :-)

Nearly 60 here, and sadly have not got there yet. In real life, I still worry about what people think/if I have upset or offended them. I think it's due to an overbearing and critical mother, who also drummed into me that I am a girl and should be nice, and be kind. I don't care as much about things as I used to, but am still a worrier, and still sadly often do give a fuck.

DH is the exact opposite. He gives zero fucks about what people think, and isn't too fussed if he offends people. (Most people.) I wish so much that I could be like this!

This. Setting boundaries and saying a definite “no”. I won’t be “worked on” until I cave in anymore x

Late 40s / early 50s. When you have the joy of knowing that "your day" is done and that you don't matter any more. Bliss.

In my early 40s. Care massively about my son and a lot about family and some close friends. But everything else isn’t that important

I care what people close to me think I just just dont by into 'society' makes me do whatever nor do I care what random internet randoms or social media or influencers think

Early 30s. Got cancer at 29 and after surviving that and a global pandemic a lot of stuff I used to think about just didn't matter anymore.

I'm a nice person, I'm not the kind of person who says nasty shit and then covers it with 'I just say it like it is'. That's bullshit. But I prioritise the things I want to do, feel comfortable in my skin and most of the choices I make, and don't really worry about work or what other people might think of me.

Mid 40s onwards for most things not involving family and friends.

Late forties for me, perimenopause was def a trigger.
I was fat, unhealthy, prediabetic and then had all the menopause related symptoms on top. I just realiesed that what anybody else thought was totally irrelevant to how I live my life....
Now I dont give a f*ck what anybody thinks of me and ironically Im probably the healthiest and happiest Ive been in my life!😅

I worry less after being terribly ill in hospital. Puts things into perspective!

This thread is incredible.

The cycles thing rings v much true for me. I think my hormones have played a huge role in furling my self doubt/worrying.

@labamba007 I get that, same here. It was only DH that actually cared. So fucks given for my immediate clan but that's where it stops.

When we become invisible to men and don't get harassed , groped and catcalled. It's heaven. Aldo other women are nicer now we are no longer competition . Just my thoughts and experiences.

But do none of you ever feel, "I wish more people gave a fuck about me" ?

Maybe it depends on your situation? I'm 55, 10 years post-menopause and on HRT. I wouldn't say I don't give a fuck.

For work I care a lot less as I am towards the end of my working life. I don't worry about losing my job, or hustling for promotion. I've paid my mortgage so don't have to count every penny.

I still have my parents though, and one of them is judgmental, so I still have to battle with that.

I don't have a partner so all practical things fall to me. And I do worry about the big household things - roof, boiler etc.

I'm a bit socially anxious so still worry about what people think of me - that would probably be a lot easier with a partner.

At 42.

It’s not about not caring about people. It’s about not worrying anymore/sweating the small stuff/caring what people that don’t matter think.

Early to mid thirties I think.
The kids were between 5-10 years old so getting easier and everything wasn't quite as intense.
I'm early 40s now and the kids are teenagers, I definitely still give plenty of fucks about them but everyone/everything else I can't get worked up about. I'll just about manage a few fucks for family/very close friends!

Eeek! Just put in 2 applications for jobs that I really want. It's a complete change of career and much less senior so completely massive wage drop.

But, DH earns more than me and can carry us for a bit. I really need this change. And feel like it's now or never.

Not giving a fuck? Or just time to do something for me now.... 🤔