When did you stop giving a fuck?

[rubeexcube]

Ten years after my eldest was born I’m still super sensitive and nowhere near as tough as I used to be. I worry - mostly about work but the kids too. I read once that your amygdala enlarges after children - don’t think mine went back.

I am 41. When does this blissful state I’ve seen women talk about, in 40s/50s hit - about not giving a fuck?

I was 42 but this exactly. My mum died very suddenly and I say my final fuck flew away the day she died.
You've written what I wanted to, far better than I could have. Thank you.

This meme explains type A vs type B. Always makes me chuckle

Late 30s I stopped worrying what others think. I used to think things like. I've worn black leggings 4x this week / will people think I haven't washed them/ will they think I'm boring / don't own much.. REALLY STUPID WORRIES.
But one day I just thought and so what?
That then progressed onto bigger things that I used to worry about.

Now I only care about my dcs and dh , also close family to a certain extent.

This.

@WildFlowerBees @FrankTurnersCat Yep losing several close people did it to me too. Life is too short for the petty stuff, the worrying about pointless shit, the unimportant people..

I was 20 when my flatmate asked me how I manage to be so chilled about what other people thought about me and to not give a fuck about it as it seemed to her I was much more relaxed about life and happier than her.

So about 25 6ears ago.

About 44. Couldn't give a fu k about the minutae anymore.

Age 40. My fucks get less with each passing year. 63 now. It's fucking wonderful ✊

How weird- this is exactly like me. I had a hysterectomy at 49, went on HRT and felt completely relieved. I never gave work a thought after I left for the day and cut off "friends" who hadn't always been nice. Never looked back!

Maybe HRT is the key?!

If you can't influence the outcome, no point worrying about it. It will/won't happen irrespective of your worry.

Other people's opinions of you don't matter, who are they to you to hold such power over you? The old adage of those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter is so true.

I started rationing my fucks in my 40s.
I'm now 50 and my fuck cupboard is empty.

Here's a good one, you can cross-stitch it and hang it on the wall!

Love this!

Well, I don’t think ‘recovering from being a people pleaser because you realise it’s not ‘just being nice’ and because it doesn’t work’ is age-specific. I did it in my 20s, having been brought up by a chronic people-pleaser and taught that other people would only like me if dashed around after them offering services.

I'm 40 and already semi there lol

Late 50s / almost 60 for me. And by then both my parents had died - I suddenly realised I had no subconscious "voice in my head" telling me I couldn't do certain things.

Then, by the time I was actually 60, I truly didn't care what anyone thought at all. Not following fashion? Who cares...
Spent all my money on a holiday instead of sensibly saving for my old age? Couldn't care less.
Making unpopular choices about furniture/house decoration/where to go for Christmas/what I think about the latest political party? My view, my choice...if you don't like it, don't listen.
And so on.

Not giving a fuck doesn't have to be unkind, and I have always given my workplace my very best, but getting to the stage where I really don't worry about what people think nor overthink all the bickering and catty comments people make is one of the special blessings of the older years!
I think it probably helps that I live on my own and really enjoy it; I guess if you were still living with (say) an unkind partner it wouldn't work.

Christ I need this. Firmly in the overthinking and self doubting phase here, 44. Glad you’ve come out of it, gives me hope

Post menopause I found my emotions evened out more - having periods gave me cycles of mild depression. Just getting older, and having brought kids up to adulthood, has given me the self confidence to deal with pretty much anything. I wouldn't say that I don't give a fuck but I can shrug off others' failings and hurtful behaviour and not dwell too much on my own mistakes.

No, it's not that you don't care about other people or want to be a decent, productive person. It's that you don't care about appeasing people, pleasing difficult people, putting yourself out for those that DGAF about you. I used to spend hours worrying about how I came across, whether I'd upset someone etc. Now I just don't, or at least very rarely.

It's liberating.

OP it happened for me around menopause - about 50. I don't think I had the energy for it any more and then it just became part of me. I've cut out (nearly) all the people who caused me drama, including an ex best friend and a sister.

I stopped giving a fuck when I was 4 years old and I saw the difference in the way my mother clearly had a favourite child when my baby sister was born. I clearly saw at a tender age that the world was unjust.

I get the feeling that many who experience this as children become people pleasers having read about it on here. It had the opposite affect on me. It made me realise that really the mental effort on insurmountable projects was a waste of time and the path to unhappiness and frustration.

I have always done what I want to and never cared what people think of me. It’s what @unsync has written really. I also observed at school when I was 9 how the boys didn’t spend all their time trying to please people. This is the 1970’s and there was such a clear gap back then it was startling.

What are people not giving fucks about? I don't understand this. I still worry if I upset my DP, I worry about not recovering from a recent surgery correctly, I worry about the children, I worry about doing the right thing at work.

But I've never cared about people's opinion of my personality etc.

I'm nearly 47 and on HRT for 2yrs and a lot has happened this year which I'm having counselling for. I can't understand not wanting to care about things.

Well you're lucky, I wish it had happened to me then, but I do think it happens for a lot of women around menopause age because it chimes with things other women have told me as well as my own experience.

I'm 63 and I still havent, but since I turned 60, and now my mortgage is paid off, and I realised I was autistic, I am able to be less worried about some things I used to worry about all the time. Work, for instance. I am still keen to do as good a job as I can, but that is for my own satisfaction and not because I am terrified of losing my job. I was diagnosed with cancer last year (at present no evidence of disease) and my life expectancy is reduced. I'm still on some horrendous medication. I feel like suit most of the time. Life (especially my life) is too short to sweat the small stuff.

The menopause when some testosterone kicked in .