What a miserable life.

[LotteryLoserAgain]

No-one really cares about me. I try and give my DS advice and I'm told I'm being miserable (his girlfriend is too controlling and he spends a lot of money on her). All the OH is interested in me for is the obvious. My sister has been pretty unpleasant to me following our mum's death (problems with selling her home). I just feel totally unwanted for who I really am. I'm just here to pay the bills, do the housework and arrange everything. I want to run away and yet I love DS and OH dearly.

The world news just fills me with terror. It's all shit.

Tbh I probably come across as unfriendly and aloof so can sort of understand but it annoys me that being extrovert is ok but being quiet isn't. My boss could see passed the shyness.

I know "doom spin" is probably common and yes we are hard wired to fight or flight. I just wish my brain could listen to itself when I try and think it's not as bad as all that.

My son had just brought me joy. He's abroad on holiday and video called me to ask if I wanted wine as a gift🤗.

Of course an email from the estate agent saying he had a couple of millionaires lined up for a viewing tomorrow would also bring me joy🤪

Hope you are enjoying your day as well. Thanks again. Frankly it's brought a tear to my eye, that there is someone out there willing to care about an online stranger whose problems are probably nothing compared to many🌸

Hi Lottery, on several of your posts you’ve mentioned that you wondered if you may be neurodiverse. I am newly diagnosed as autistic and I found this great community on here - here’s the link as you may find it valuable https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5122509-autistic-women-assemble-4

Thanks. Will check that out,!

I’m so happy for you to hear you have felt joy today! And how wonderful that your son was the source of that.

re: Quiet, you are absolutely right, extroversion is quite dominant in our society. Please take heart though that you’re not alone! If you haven’t already seen it, this Ted talk from Susan Cain is good - https://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare

how does it make you feel to know that you’re not alone in your feeling and observations?

about your brain not listening to you, you are right! Our brains are hardwired to prefer information that aligns with what we already know and think. In short, our brains are lazy and default to what information is already stored. This is very useful for driving home the correct route without really thinking about it - not so good for learning to think differently about things - which you are describing.

how does that make you feel?

Thanks. Will watch that later. It's good to know I'm not the only one.

That poster just said it works for them. There was absolutely no need for OP to be so unpleasant or to claim that religion is destroying the world when in fact it is greed, hatred, selfishness, and men's aggression, and religion is mostly just an excuse.

I'm depressed and anxious. Having someone telling me that God will save me is frankly insulting. Hence, the Bugger Off. 👍

Hi Lottery, tour post sounded very heartfelt and I really think you need to go and talk to someone - a support group, counsellor or similar.

Its incredibly hard when you are surrounded by people but nevertheless isolated.

Can you make some small steps :

No-one really cares about me. I try and give my DS advice and I'm told I'm being miserable (his girlfriend is too controlling and he spends a lot of money on her).

He is an adult and has to make his own life and mistakes. Stop giving advice (unless specifically asked) and just smile and listen.

All the OH is interested in me for is the obvious.
Have a conversation about it. Fill your life with other things, hobbies and join groups. He needs to know he has to give as well as take.

My sister has been pretty unpleasant to me following our mum's death (problems with selling her home).
Let it pass. Grief can have challenging effects on people. If you can, have a quiet undramatic conversation along the lines of time to move on and be friends again.

I just feel totally unwanted for who I really am. I'm just here to pay the bills, do the housework and arrange everything. I want to run away and yet I love DS and OH dearly

Get out and join things, hobby groups, volunteering, gym. You need something to stimulate a life of your own and maybe some volunteering to give you some purpose back?

Most of all, be kind to yourself, value your contribution and take time each day to try and enjoy small things - like a sunny day, a good book, something pretty, a delicious coffee. It builds from there.

The happier you can be in yourself, the better your relationships will become, but it is a slow build of little things rather than a quick fix.

Thank you. You're absolutely correct. I need to carve out a life for myself somehow that isn't centered on my nearest and dearest.

I know the thread has moved on from this comment but I just saw it and wanted to comment on it.

I used to feel that way so strongly that it was overwhelming and completely consumed me. If one of my DC was having a bad time I'd be awake all night long ruminating about it. I physically couldn't stand the idea that they were feeling hurt by someone or by life.

It has taken me a long time (and they are now in their twenties) to realise they will get hurt - life isn't constant happiness and success. They will make bad choices and have horrible pain and disappointment sometimes. That's just life. That's how it works. My job is to be there and supportive when times are tough, not to stand on the sidelines constantly steering them, or lying awake at night devising ways to ensure they never make mistakes or get hurt.

Like you OP, I find it really hard to back off. Did you have to fend for yourself a lot in childhood? Did no one noticed if you were being bullied or used? Were you an emotional support to your own parents? I think those of us who had no support overcompensate with our own DC and ironically continue the cycle of not seeking support for ourselves or taking charge of our own needs and fulfilling them - what we never had we learn never to ask for and so never get. The reversal of this is not to try and protect DC for ever but to identify our own needs and find ways to meet them.

My parents had a terrible marriage and yes I was an emotional support for my mother. I say support, more a sounding board. She would go on and on and on about what my dad had done to her etc.. It was awful.
neither of my parents knew how unhappy I was.