What a miserable life.

[LotteryLoserAgain]

No-one really cares about me. I try and give my DS advice and I'm told I'm being miserable (his girlfriend is too controlling and he spends a lot of money on her). All the OH is interested in me for is the obvious. My sister has been pretty unpleasant to me following our mum's death (problems with selling her home). I just feel totally unwanted for who I really am. I'm just here to pay the bills, do the housework and arrange everything. I want to run away and yet I love DS and OH dearly.

The world news just fills me with terror. It's all shit.

That's harsh!
She/he was just giving you an outlook of their their own experience.
I believe in God (muslim) and wouldn't bash someone for giving me their atheitistic point of view.

I would go gently on your son. You have advised him, now it's up to him to take your advice or not..he is an adult and has to learn from his own mistakes and you need to detach from trying to save him from life's problems up to the point your stressing yourself out.

It sounds like your all over the place. I think you should take a breather self reflect and try to bring some positivity to your life by actively trying to make friends through hobbies. Join a book club if you like reading? Join a hiking club if you like outdoors.
When you are happy with yourself things will hopefully fall into place.

Maybe rediscover you, you have looked after everyone else and it's time to put yourself first, find yourself a hobby, do some self care etc.

You will find if you are happy, you won't dwell on others not needing you. Let your son make his own mistakes and I know as a mother you want to guide him but just be there when he realises he is wrong.

Yes. I've lost myself. Lost both my parents recently also. I'm dealing with sorting out the estate (family arguments over inheritance etc😞). My little boy is now an adult and whether right or wrong, I feel like I've lost him too.

I think I'm going to look into volunteering. I'm a total introvert but would love to work with animals or maybe the elderly. Not quite sure where to start. I don't want to add further stress to my already scrambled brain.

Hi Lottery

how was your night? Did you manage to sleep?

picking up from yesterday, you described your anxiety as an 8 on a scale of 1-10. My next question is, what could be your first step be towards getting you to a 7?

You were also saying that you didn’t want your family to feel the same emotions you have felt. I asked you to imagine me popping round for a cup of tea today and telling you that I am worried about my family because I don’t want them to feel the same unhappiness, stress and worry that I have felt in my life. What would you would say to me?

Sounds a bit menopausal, as oestrogen production winds down you can feel this kind of care overload.

You can't be responsible for other people. Your son can make his own mistakes and learn from them. That's what adulthood is. You've done your bit teaching him through childhood, now you can be there to support but guidance tails off. Would you have taken your parents' advice at 19?

Your partner - talk to him. Don't have sex if you don't want it. Find fun things to do together.

Your sister - do some things with her that aren't a out your mum's estate. Go to a film together or something. Make it less transactional.

And get a hobby that gets you out doing something creative.

I'd say worrying is a pointless thing to do. It changes nothing and creates a vicious circle of thoughts. Most things we worry about don't actually happen. Or if they do, we get through it.

One thing I'm going to do is get out for daily walks this autumn. I used to love rambling but rarely go walking now, apart from a dog walk.

I get a few hours sleep. Racing thoughts

Aww, so sorry you have lost both of your parents.
Volunteering sounds like a good idea- just to focus on positive things especially after so much negativity in your life right now.

I obviously don't know you but if it was me, i would do for either animals (always local rescues looking for someone to walk dogs etc) or something in the community (charity shop, civic pride etc). I wouldn't suggest elderly, just because of you losing your parents. I found it difficult to be looking after elderly members of extended family when I lost my parents because it reminded me to much of them and how much I missed them- but that's just my opinion.

You haven't lost your boy, he's just finding his feet/independence.

Good for you Lottery - in deciding to take a walk and to volunteer, you’re taking the first steps towards your goal to stop worrying about everyone else.

my questions are: what blockers are there for you on talking a walk today and to investigate volunteering opportunities near you today?

Blockers are myself. I'm good at putting things off. Anxiety is exhausting and saps my energy.

I will go for a stroll at lunchtime. I'm going to look online for volunteering stuff.

Leave them all to it and go and do things that your enjoy.

Your son is old enough to deal with his own problems. Start having a ‘that’s not my problem’ attitude

Well done. I’m going to ask you to put it in numbers for me.

on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being not committed and 10 being fully committed, how committed are you to:

• going for a stroll at lunch
• investigating volunteer opportunities

10 for the walk
6 for the volunteer search (I'm busy with work for a couple of weeks - self employes)

Ok that’s great to see 10 for the walk. How will you feel when you come back from your walk and know you’ve done something for yourself that you committed to?

what do you need to take your 6 for volunteer research to a 10?

Probably I will feel better. Although this never seems to last long.

I need to make time to sit down and check on volunteer opportunities.

I've started listening to a sleep hypnosis podcast when I go to bed, to stop the racing thoughts. It seems to be working well.

One step at a time Lottery - stay in the moment and celebrate that you did one small thing for yourself by going for a lunchtime stroll. Once that’s done, you can consider what options you have that will mean the feeling stays longer.

re: volunteering, it sounds like carving out time to explore opportunities is your main challenge - is that right?

It's not unhelpful.
It dosent sound too serious tbh.
Sounds like op is lacking some friends and interests that's all.

Some people would love to have a partner of 30 years and a son

Can't see there's alot to be miserable about here.

Because a double bereavement, childhood trauma, undiagnosed autism and anxiety are a walk in the park.....Jesus

Yes. I think so. I work from home and just don't get out much anymore.

Did you go for your lunchtime stroll Lottery?

Arranges what? Your ds is an adult....what are you arranging?

Yes I did. About an hour. Nothing special, just round the neighborhood but the sun was out. Back in front of the laptop now.
Thank you.

OP is allowed to feel the way they do, only because they have a husband and child doesnt mean they should act like Maria from the Sound of music.

As stated in the posts, they have lost their parents and feel unappreciated and lonely for varying reasons... try some empathy along with @Comedycook who always turns up on threads lacking it.

One hopes you aren't a PIP assessor/ job centre work coach - ah- your leg was ripped off when serving in the forces, you heard some bangs but on the whole not too serious, at least you have arms and another leg, you will get over the PSTD with sitting at Tesco till. 🙄

Do mind the unsympathetic ones, OP. MN isn't the most supportive places some times.

Well done!! Were you strolling or walking briskly? Were you aware of your breathing? Were you looking around? Was there something particular that caught your eye? What were you feeling?

I was asking a genuine question. The ops child is now an adult...I'm wondering what she is having to organise in relation to her dh and DC. They are both adults. She should not be hugely burdened by them.